This was one big coffee tease!

Man, this is Coleman Francis's most tolerable film, but is still very bad. A story so lame and a fun dance jiggle fest to watch. Also, see lots of moronic skydiving and see Coleman himself with sniping people off from a plane (also used in his classic Beast of Yucca Flats).

"Did the actors do their own skydiving?"

"No, the skydivers did their own acting."

This is my all time favorite MST3K episode. The short at the beginning about shop class was hilarious in it's own right. What was the deal with Beth's helmet hair? What was the deal with the Scottish guy? I guess it's just a coincidence that a third of the cast had the last name "Francis".

"He's like an idiot savant, minus the savant!"

"It's Pat Buchanan.......AND HE'S GOT A GUN!"

"I feel like a cheeseburger. Could you go make love to the guy at the Jack n' the Box?"

"Hurry! Switzerland is just over the hill...and then 3,000 miles....and then the ocean!"

"Read him his rights."

"Her hair blossomed!"

Oh, and my favorite line wasn't a riff, it was actual dialogue from the film:

"What are you gonna do, you're gonna grab me down there?"

My first ever MST3K episode, and the one which has made me an instant addict! Because it's my first, I could quite easily just write out the entire script as my favourite lines, but these are the lines that made me laugh hardest:

"Terror at sea level!"
"Someone with Attention Deficit Disorder edited this film."
"Hey, I can see my feet from here."
"They're going to invoke the spirit of the continuity man."
"Ah, roger, tower, which way's the sky?"
"Seems like they forgot to have things happen in this movie."
"So, how long have you liked coffee?"
"I'm predicting a climactic finale: she jumps without a 'chute and then her hair opens out."
"The boat is a shapeshifter!"
(singing) "Oops there goes another skydiver, kerplop."
And my absolute favourite:
"Hi kids, it's me, Petey Plane!"

THE PLOT

Harry (played by Coleman Francis lackey and otherwise non-talented Anthony Cardoza) runs a skydiving outfit that is apparently a school despite the lack of lessons. He is married to a helmet-haired woman named Beth. They have a dysfunctional relationship. Harry is having a tryst with spoiled sex-crazed psycho Suzy, who's boyfriend is moronic greaser Frankie.

Harry's clientele includes a schlub that is like Marlon Brando from On the Waterfront ("I wanna skydiver HIGHER!"), two weirdos that like touching each other while diving, and other nondescript personalities. A photographer that resembles Doodles Weaver and Eraserhead takes pictures (not for a magazine, for HIMSELF) before each flight.

After the Brando schlub (played by a Francis) freezes up and dies, things seem to go bad for Harry. Also, Harry broke up with Suzy, and she's all mad with him. And Harry's coffee-crazed Korean War buddy shows up, and begins to make time with his wife! It looks bad.

But then Harry gets to fly again; Beth decides to rekindle her relationship with Harry (forgetting Coffyhead); and the couple along with the weirdos and nondescript dudes get to fly at a white-trash version of a Renaissance Festival. However, Frankie and Suzy "buy" (nudge nudge) some acid, and destroy Harry's parachute. Harry dies, but a spooky group of vigilante types track down and mercilessly kill Frankie and Suzy.

The film is similar to the other Coleman Francis film I've seen, "Red Zone Cuba"--both feature bizarrely edited scenes put together at the beginning, dysfunctional relationships galore, the same inane music (including happy ditties for no reason), and an ending in which characters are bred UND slaughtered!

Paul Francis, who played the unibrowed Brando had a somewhat sizable role (considering his creepiness and lack of talent) in Pearl Harbour as a medic.

(as inane, peppy music starts playing) "Suddenly, Frank DeVol is here!"

"Ted Kennedy's PT-109!"

"As parachuting goes, I was kind of like Trini Lopez in The Dirty Dozen..."