Was anyone else as nauseated by this piece of [beep] as I was?

Do you mean the movie or the MSTing thereof? The comments from J&TBs were hysterical, especially the jokes about Joe Don Baker. I will never understand how he gets any work, cos he can only play one type of character--a fat slob.

Best line:
Cummings: "Hey, Mitchell!"
Joel(or one of the bots): "Yeah? oh darn!"

My favorite line:
Mobster (to Mitchell): "What time is it?"
Crow (I think): "Ten two....tend to your own damn business!"

I loved the part where Joel's message was breaking up and snow was thrown in front of him to simulate this.

Like they say in the "Amazing Colossal Episode Guide" "That isn't snow, it's 'snow' y'know, TV static." I know that you knew that, but it's still a pretty funny passage

Best line in this one:

Mitchell is lying on his bed and takes a drink of beer.
Crow (as Mitchell): "Oh yuck, I got a cigarette in that one."

Second best line:

Mitchell is outside John Saxon's house, he walks up to the front door.
Joel (as Mitchell): "Oh shoot, a DOOR, I didn't plan on this."

"So long chum!"

For some reason, this always gets a laugh from me when the bodyguard falls off the boat. Plus the chum reference (heh heh).

Man, this is a classic voyage to Joel with classic last line "GOODBYE folks! I don't know how this works!!" Ah, Joel...

I laughed harder than I ever have in my life during the scene where Mitchell and Linda Evans were in bed together.

Crow(I think): "He's reading comics under there."

Crow: "M..M..M..M..MY GOD!!!!"

Mitchell picks up what's left of a six pack with his foot
Joel: "That's classy."

And then later on when Mitchell and the kid were arguing:

Tom: "Tonight on Crossfire!"

and

Tom: "AHHHHHHHHH!" (my thought exactly)

And then at the end when Mitchell finds a joint in the garbage and busts Linda Evans:

Joel: "Zero Tolerance is funny!"

Tom: "That's our Mitchell!"

It's too bad the lyrics to the Mitchell theme song at the end of the movie appear to me mostly inaudible. What can be heard sounds unintentionally hilarious. "Breaking up the gang/the whole she-bang"???????

I can see why Joe Don wanted to hurt the folks at Best Brains from the number done on Mitchell. From the beginning during the title shot, you can already tell they were going to be unmerciful:

"Joe Don Baker is MITTENS!"

"I can't get my arms down."

"Now, he looks like he's in a wind tunnel!"

Too many funny quotes from this classic. Some off the top of my head:

"If that's John Saxon, I'm a dead man."

"Our hero, ladies and gentlemen."

"Mitchell, will you stand up please?"

"Sheesh, even Scarface didn't do that much."

My favourite lines:
“They arrested Harlan Ellison!” “Good!”
(sniffing) “So, do you work at a petting zoo?”
“Y’know, it’s not an official chase scene without the wacka-chi-wacka.”
“Hot Merging Action!”
“Could we get some more volume on that jacket please?”
“Things’ll work out, Mr Maxwell … Mr Maxwell?”
“I can’t imagine why Mitchell 2 didn’t come out.”
“The hood to the Mustang got a credit!”

A middle-of-the-road episode, highlighted by some A1 bits in the film, such as--

*The theme song that is uproariously funny which opens the film
*Any scene with Mitchell running, such as the end when he is chased by the Andy Kaufman lookalike
*The "tailing" sequence
*Mitchell arguing with the kid
*The final fight scene with Merlin Olsen and Martin Balsam ("Hey, Mitchell! Let's rip off the last scene of Key Largo!" [it IS too, I saw that film]), in which Olsen gets his guts ripped out by Mitchell's hook.

Best Lines:

When John Saxon shoots the 'Johnny Mathis lookalike' intruder . . .

Saxon: "HEY !!"
Intruder: "WHAT ??"
(gunshot)
Intruder: "OH !!"

Oh oh oh oh...

I just got the DVD, and I love it, but I'm afraid I may have sacrified a perfectly good breakfast to the "bed and baby-oil" scene. Oops, excuse me!

dashes to the restroom

Favorite line:

When the theme song is playing over the ending credits:
"Hey! It's just stream of consciousness now. He stopped singing about Mitchell five minutes ago!"

BTW, I think Joe Don Baker is a fine actor within his limitations. He was quite good as the Babe Ruth-wannabe The Whammer in The Natural, Bond's CIA contact in Goldeneye, and the villain in The Living Daylights. Unfortunately, I think his problem is when he tries to get likeable--playing the same character of Jack Wade in Tomorrow Never Dies, he comes off like a big idiot.

"He looks like the wrathful Buddha!"

"Things'll work out, Mr. Maxwell. Mr. Maxwell?"

"Call Estrutta." "You mean Galano."

"Hey, cut out that Rockford music! I'm Mitchell!"

"That's the way Mr. Galano wants it!" "Uh-huh Uh-huh!"

"Who have we got on our side?" "GHOSTBUSTERS!"

"Oh no, Mr. Trevino's been shot again!"

"Why would anyone want to DO that with Mitchell, Joel?"

"Well, I see Van Morrison, Meatloaf, and Spoooocckkkk...."

"Whoa, did you have Mickey Rourke over or something?"

QUESTIONS
*Can someone explain the joke when Mitchell examines the chalk outline: "That means the victim was Jack Valenti!"

*Also, in the original film, what happens to John Saxon? I know you can faintly hear in the scene right before Mitchell argues with the kid a news bulletin saying that Saxon's character has died, but what happened?

There's a Reader Review at http://www.badmovies.org of Mitchell that tells what happenned to John Saxon's character.

Best riff: "You'll never take me alive, copper!!!!!"

"Well, hey, it's Mitchell!"

*Joe Don shoots an Andy Kaufman look-alike*
Crow: "Thank you very much" (said in Andy Kaufman's voice)

Crow: "Baby Oil!? NO!!!!!!"

John Saxon: Hey!
Joel: What?
*Gun Shot*
Joel: Oh!

If you'd like to see the missing scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7ib3Zim1xU

They missed out on some good Eegah! jokes by cutting it out.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Wow, that's a pretty awful dune buggy! It flips over at MAYBE 45mph and as soon as that rollbar touches the ground.... BOOM!