I'd like to point out that this movie is notable for being the screen debut of Pia Zadora.

Most traditional movie critics consider this to be the second worst movie ever made (after "Attack of the Killer Tomatos"

This movie was indeed one of the stupidest
things I have ever seen. Strange that doors
on mars looks exactly like the ones on earth ;)


I haven't watched the show in a long time,
so I don't remmeber the character's
nbames, but at the end credits of the movie,
the MST3K character's mockery of the song was funny,
though a bit morbid.

I used to love this movie!!!! Every year during winter break it was on and I watched it faitfully for years. Don't know if I'd be able to sit still thru it today.

When I was a kid, I used to watch Voltron
(a very old Japanese cartoon) and I thought it
was one of the best cartoons out there. When
they began re-running it last year, I was absolutly
shocked at how bad the animation and the acting
really was. The new CGI-Rendered series
is much better :)

for the holiday season, I watched this movie. alas, the last shred of hope I had in humanity had gone after viewing this film.

Droppo is the annoying comic relief who should've been hung out of airlock while still tied to the ship. pleez try to believe that really is a polar bear and a robot chasing the kids and NOT guys in suits. Oh, and the convenient "hiding place" under the radar controls (with the obvious handle) made me realize saliva trail had accumulated from sheer and utter disbelief.

Personally, I think that Santa had another plan up his sleeve. What exactly was in that pipe he was smoking, hmmm??

I loved when the reporter asks Santa if he's planning to use a new high-tech sled this time out, and Santa comments "We're going out the old-fashioned way." Then Joel says "guns blazing!" The best part is during one of the breaks, when Crow makes Tom sing a Christmas carol based on his favorite movie, Road House.

Ahhhh, yes, A Patrick Swayze Christmas. Brought tears to my eyes.

The sheer overarching dumbness of the film itself can be partially explained by the fact that it was originally intended as a movie for very young children - v.y.children back then having no access to Nintendo, Animorphs etc. and thus supposedly being unfamiliar with the intricacies of SF/fantasy. (Also, as the creators of more than this movie apparently believed, the intricacies of just about anything else.)

Unfortunately this movie is so dumb that it's hard to escape the conclusion that what the creators were specifically aiming for was an audience of mentally-handicapped very young children. Humbug wasn't the only one in slack-jawed shock at that utterly stu-pid 'hiding place'. (It's a wooden fruit storage bin painted silver, is what it is. They didn't even have the decency to take off the original handle!)

You know, my dad saw this movie when it first came out and he loved it!

When I saw it for the first time I could puke from bad acting/plot. But I was amused at it all the same. Especialy the Chochum part, and the Mst3k essay part. But one thing I still point out, when they mistake dropo for santa why don't the notice the ANTENNA STICKING OUT OF HIS HEAD?

My favorite riff: Joel: blow dry and rinse old man?

Oh boy, this one was hard work. My heart goes out to the Best Brains team for having to watch this more than twice – it’s as much as I could manage! But I did get quite dewy-eyed when Gypsy opened her mouth to reveal the nativity scene inside.

Lots of great lines, despite the awfulness of the movie:

“Big John Call is Santa Claus in O Little Town of Deathlehem.”

Santa: “We’ve never disappointed the kids yet.”
Joel: “Except for the poor ones.”

Santa: “Prancer and Dancer and Donder and Blitzen and Vixen and Nixon.”
Tom: “Uh, yeah, so what’s in the pipe, Santa?”
Santa: “I get those names mixed up, but the kids know their names.”
Crow: “Yeah, ‘cause they’re sober.”

Kimar: “What is a Christmas?”
Joel: “It’s a Christian holiday ruined by commercialism.”

Kimar: “Approaching projected Earth orbit.”
Joel (as Martian): “I know – I’m the one who steered us into it!”

Newsreader: “The Soviet Union denies it has launched any new space satellite.”
Crow: “Like they could afford to!”

“Wow, there’s a ton of stock footage out there!”

Voldar: “All this trouble over a fat little man in a red suit.”
Tom: “Truman Capote?”

Kimar: “We have children just like you on Mars.”
Joel: “Only they’re worse actors.”

“And now, for your enjoyment, some suggestive scenes of jets refuelling.”

“Those are like cheap versions of the Lost in Space sets.”

Betty: “Where is Santa?”
Crow: “Sleeping it off.”

On the arrival of the ‘polar bear’
Joel (as Billy): “Hey, check it out! There’s a stupid guy in a goofy fur costume out there!”

“Quick! In here, where we can be cornered!”

Seeing the robot
Betty: “What is it?”
Joel: “It’s a guy in a cardboard box with a coffee urn on his head.”

Kimar: “Torg, follow me.”
Tom (as Kimar): “Walk this way.”
Crow (as Torg): “If I could walk that way, I wouldn’t be wearing the box!”

The Martians rush into Santa’s workshop
“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

Voldar zaps the elves
“He stopped ‘em short!”

Santa: “Pills for dinner?!”
Tom (as Santa): “What are we, Judy Garland?”

Kimar: “Voldar will be back.”
Tom: “In ‘Dial “M” for Martian’.”

Shim: “[The Slinky toy] rolls down steps all by itself.”
Joel: “Just like Grandma.”

Santa: “I’m not tired, but my finger is.”
Tom: “Oh, Santa, no!”

Momar: “You’ve got to send the children back.”
Kimar: “Impossible.”
Joel (as Kimar): “I don’t have the receipt.”

“I don’t suppose there’s any chance this guy’s gonna end up under the wheels of a train, is there?”

Joel: “He’s simple, isn’t he?”
Tom: “Simple but stupid.”

Dropo: “My finger isn’t tired.”
Crow: “Look out, nose!”

“Meanwhile, back at the Gum Disease Caverns.”

Santa: “Son, from the bottom of my heart ...”
Crow (as Santa): “... I say, ‘Bite me’.”

“What is this, The Long Goodbye? Just leave! Get out of here!”

Tonight's the night Rifftrax does their live show of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. As I did with the Manos live show, I intend to watch the original episode beforehand.