PYUMA?? PYUMA?? PYUMA?? PYUMA??
PYUMA?? PYUMA?? PYUMA?? PYUMA??
Oh, and fat people may be offended by this film. Actually, any human being WILL be offended by this film!
Why limit it to humans? Single celled protozoa will be offended by this film. Heck, even Dave Lister would be offended!
Who the heck decided to make a film that said absolutely nothing at all?! “Poke fun at fat people; have a forty-year-old medical student die of terror - great idea for a film!” And for a film that was apparently so brief that they had to add a Short to the episode, it sure was long and hard going!
Still, it did have some great lines:
Dobson walks in the graveyard
“The plot’s around here somewhere.”
Lou: “I’ve gotta keep hitting the books.”
Gerry: “Betty might be at the cafeteria.”
Tom (as Lou): “Yeah, I’ve gotta keep hitting her, too.”
Lou gets back to reading his book
“See Dick. See Dick make a lateral incision.”
“This sounds like it was recorded in somebody’s bathroom!”
Lou: “Well, you’re gonna be the slickest chick at that everlovin’ hop.”
Tom: “’Cause I’m gonna coat you with bear grease.”
Betty (suggesting she and Lou spend some time alone): “We wouldn’t be gone long.”
Joel (as Betty): “... if I know you.”
“Have you ever been whipped with a magnolia frond, dear?”
Lou stamps on the snake
“He did the mambo mambo!”
Gerry: “All part of a doctor’s training – getting used to the irregular hours.”
Tom: “And just getting used to being irregular.”
“An interpretive dance showing how plate tectonics works.”
“And so all fifty-five students crammed like clowns, their ageing brittle bones carefully placed in the station wagon with not one head rising above the seat, and they kept their blinker on the whole way.”
Rayburn: “I want you to notice all the fleshy tissue ...”
Joel (as Rayburn): “... around my waist.”
Rayburn: “This man must have led a very full and active life.”
Crow: “’Cause there’s a squirrel in his stomach.”
Lou: “After that autopsy, what could be so tough?”
Joel: “Watching the fat people eat again?”
“He’s in mourning – he’s wearing his underwear at half-mast.”
“I love open caskets when they’ve gone through the windshield.”
Lou to Betty: “First of all, why are you sore?”
(Joel and the bots cough and whistle uncomfortably.)
Betty: “It’s the way you’ve been acting.”
Crow: “Woodenly.”
“I think the only plot was back in the cemetary.”
“No-one will be admitted during the breathtaking walking scene.”
Lou opens the door to Aisle 3 in the Mausoleum
Tom: “Whoo! Who died in there?!”
Joel: “Clean up in Aisle 3!”
“And they said those cat guards wouldn’t work.”
The Phantom Creeps, Part Three
Foreword: “Doctor Zorka [uses] a device which makes him invisible.”
Crow: “A contract to appear on the Comedy Channel!” (pause) “... I guess I’m outta here.”
Cop: “It has to be kept off the record.”
Crow: “Yeah, but it’ll fit on the CD on the extra bonus track.”
Cop: “Something even worse than dynamite.”
Joel: “This film?”
“How come they kill all these people but the credits don’t get any shorter?”