1. If you really want gold, salt, and flour, get a Sampo!
2. KTLA has the power of prophecy!
3. ROWSDOWER!
4. Don't sit in the Gas Expulsion Sump.
5. If there's ever an intensely stu-pid young man about to rob your diner, offer him a nice hamburger sandwich with a french-fried potatoes garnish.
6. Bruce Springsteen ain't gonna play Sun City!
7. Leonard Maltin will give ANY movie 2 and a half stars.
8. A lobster will suffice as a movie monster.
9. An eighteen-story office building! This can ONLY be L.A.!
10. He tried to kill him with a forklift!
11. The haunting Torgo Theme.
12. Tor-Char!!
13. Lee Van Cleef, learning too late that Man is a feeling creature.
14. "You will obey me, Roger Whitaker."
15. Deep Hurting!! DEEP HURTING!!!!
16. Rock Climbing!
17. Sandstorm!
18. Mega-Weapon.
19. "Trumpy, No!!"
20. Pearl referring to Crow as Art.
21. When you go to the Edge of the Universe and become a being of pure Energy, you may be only 99 and 44/100 percent pure!
22. A Tributary to the Nile!
23. Being an amiable lug will get you community service for blowing up planets.
24. Bobo started the Great Fire of Rome.
25. No, MintGiver, we love you!
26. Gene Hackman is good in ANYTHING.
27. Crow does a killer Gregory Peck impression.
28. Kathy Ireland's one emotion: Dull Surprise!
29. They might be monitoring it!
30. Mr. B Natural is a woman. No, man. Either, just STAY AWAY!
31. Gamera. The nuclear powered turtle, and the children who love him.
32. Noooo spriiiings!
33. Sodium, Sodium, Sodium!!
34. It's not Joe Don Baker that sends you home.
35. Who the h*ll was that guy with the hat and cane?
36. By this time, my lungs were aching for air!
37. Sidehacking is the best cure for hemmorhoids.
38. If you have huge pecs, you too can build a hanglider out of bamboo and deer pelts.
39. Gamera is friend to children! Gamera is full of turtle meat!
40. Japanese children are highly annoying, and wear the tiniest of shorts.
41. Japanese children also have Level 5 security clearance.
42. Santa Claus has a nasty habit of surviving.
43. Never drink from the Waters of Forgetfulness.
44. Circuses, on ice or otherwise, are horrible, scarring experiences.
45. If you absolutely must stay over on vacation, sleep at an actual motel.
46. Bow down to the Truck Farmer!
47. Never get a beer at Mitchell's place.
48. Skydivers LOVE coffee.
49. "ADCHKA!" can be used as an expletive.
50. Clones are rock-stoopid.
51. Your weapons will not work on Prince of Space!
52. Japan had a Hitler Building.
53. "Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
54. Aztecs often will break into your hotel room and make you try on belts.
55. Leonardo Da Vinci was a moron who stole all his ideas.
56. Saint Merlin is not endorsed by the Catholic Church.
57. You do not get to be returned to Earth simply because you watched a Joe Don Baker movie.
58. If you have an infra-red room, totally hot babes will come and lay down in it.
59. "The Fifth Element", despite its name, was not about Boron.
60. Robert Redford is the best director of all time, simply because he is not ugly.
61. It stinks!
62. Petey the Plane!
63. You can’t invade Cuba with only seven men, no matter what time you shove off.
64. When Ator flies, so does your heart.
65. Fertiliser salesmen should stick to what they’re best at.
66. Never order from Torgo’s Pizzas.
67. The Pony Express. When it absolutely, positively, has to be there in three or four months or so.
68. Once you’ve found the enemy’s lair, you must sit down and drink chocolate milk and eat macaroons with them.
69. If the Creeping Terror is approaching you, you still have an hour to eat, have sex and then leave.
70. Watch out for snakes!
71. There are 2146 parts to an interocitor.
72. Locusts should never climb on postcards.
73. My, my, my, my God!!
74. It’s not an official chase scene without the wacka-chi-wacka.
75. They laughed when I accused my parents, so I killed them.
Let’s see if they’ll be laughing no-o-o-o-wwww....
76. Eat at Joe’s, Eat at Joe’s, Eat at Joe’s.
77. tHe MaStEr WoUlD nOt ApPrOvE oF lIsTs LiKe ThIs.
78. Push the button, Frank.
79. Pia Zadora was just as annoying as a kid.
80. Comic relief characters only work in theory
81. Crow doesn't make much of a hellbeast.
82. Canada right now = U.S. ten years ago.
83. The faces of those you've wronged will sometimes float up at you.
84. Basil Rathbone - good with pesto.
85. Sho Kosugi - good with rice.
86. "I'm Welsh, I'm poor, and I'm not Richard Burton yet."
87. Estelle Winwood. Give her a higher love.
88. There has even been a bad movie of Hamlet.
89. The Green Bean and French Fried Onion Casserole of Contentment. Those who eat of it will feel the satisfaction that only a hot dish can give.
90. Polar bears have zippers in their backs.
91. When in doubt, pull out the ol' Scandahoovian sketch.
92. The Amazing Rando!
93. Metaluna is one butt-ugly planet.
94. In the 70's, there were roadside signs that simply read 'Star Wars'.
95. Normal View! NORMAL VIEW! NOOORRRMALLL VIEWWWWW!!!
96. Mike really was a loser in the 80's.
97. Pumas are not really known for flying.
98. Sid Melton = Little Monkey Boy.
99. Arch Hall Jr. should never have been in anything.
100. If you must sing in the rain, do not do it on a spaceship.
101. "The world has been brought to its knees by the...Robot Holocaust."
34 and 57 seem to be very similar.
Ah, but 34 is of a far more philosophical nature...
102: When in doubt, fling your pee.
103: Crossed legs mean YES, not crossed means NO
104: With a name like Smuckers Raspberry Preserves, you know it's good!
105: A history in the fertilizer industry doesn't come in very handy when you make a film.
106: Let's all do the Skyyyydiver!
107: I like my family... as a friend!
108: Any expresion of individuality is just plain wrong
109: Take an Industrial Arts class
110: "Oh, that potato's got big ears..."
111. Led Zeppelin was wrong, man.
112. Shut up! Zep is never wrong, man.
113. Is Sabbath wrong, too, man?
114. I will not make the knee test.
115. Dropo is the laziest man on Mars.
116. Every year of my life I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and the best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful.
117. The Blue Mosque isn't on a hill.
118. You can't distract a giant caveman with rings, necklaces or other shiny things, but offering to give him a shave will work great.
119. Behind the fluffy surface of Heaven hums a complex infrastructure.
120. Use the handrails. They were invented for a reason.
121. Tom Cruse IS Dr. John
122. Nobody likes Hamdingers
123. You, white male, are my personal oppressor
124. If they won't let you film in a hotel room, the hall works just fine.
125. MITCHEL!!!
126. Hamlet will return in Thunderball!
127. Sean Connery's brother will not return in anything!
128. Exeter really wants you to know that despite the huge forehead and shiny spaceship, he's not an alien.
129. Soldiers were sent into the Gulf War armed with rakes and garden hoses.
130. Michael Pataki is a grade-A #1 USDA-Choice ham.
131. Audrey Hepburn! No, it's Troy.
132. Susan Dey! No, it's Troy.
133. Prospective nuns will immediately forget their holy vows upon meeting a stringy Belgian kickboxer from space.
134. Forced perspective almost never works.
135. Buff Drinklots!
136. Finding arm-mounted laser cannons in the desert immediately makes you waltz.
137. Hey, that's also David Warner!
138. Pearl's only sucessful experiment involved getting Mike and the Bots to dress as Armenian mobsters and giggle.
139. This is how much pure cocaine you would need to enjoy this movie.
140. It is entirely possible to be too Southern.
141. There is no God, theres just Dude.
142. I killed that fat barkeep!
143. Mmm? Ah! Prince of Space!
144. Let George do it!
145. Let Jack do it!
146. Chickens are a cruel people.
147. I'm Doctor Ted Nelson!
148. In the future, anteaters face tyrannical oppression.
149. Grandpa reads Prostate World News.
150. Torgo never found Urkel that funny.
151. Keep Davey away from your plane.
152. Some women can multitask while making love.
153. Some spy agencies double as string art galleries.
154. The first thing Harry drilled into me...
155. ...was Harry!
156. He's such a super dude, the American dream, like the guys on the movie screen.
Maybe a board for Mystery Science Theater 3000's "Naughtiest Riffs" might be fun...
157. Nuh uh. Nah, that's not Dirk.
158. Nachos! Whoa, be right there!
159. Earth is so scary and big and has wild pigs.
160. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were no traffic accidents?
161. Aliens really like potatoes.
162. In the future, a pork roast with a computer and some aging lesbian nuns will take over the world.
163. The secret to immortality involves rabbit ears and a sausage.
164. Eva Peron and Senor Wences liked to go to strip clubs together.
165. Weightlifters are really into older women.
166. Ross Allen is one cruel SOB.
167. Mike Nelson is personally responsible for the entire 1980's.
168. Rotten fruit is just like alcohol to a baboon.
169. Just having a cool robe doesn't make you evil. It just makes you look like Bea Arthur.
170. Never ask Da Vinci about his business.
171. Bobo and Roger Whittaker both like Asia songs.
172. When loving lovers love...
173. Reversing the access code is always a poor plot twist.
174. Some movies just can't end ENOUGH.
175. With Emo Phillips in a dress!
176. Gargantu-cop!
177. Everyone living under the surface of the Earth has an Australian accent and is deathly pale.
178. CEOs tend to ride around in prom limos.
179. CEOs also tend to have their offices in a branch library.
180. Watch out when Roddy McDowell is getting into his ape role.
181. Know him? He was delicious!
182. Guten tag! Sie greten? Ich wollen ein auto mieten.
183. CONNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
184. For the last time, Tony Franciosa was in Finder of Lost Loves!
185. And our brave hero roasts the disabled man.
186. Old-timer Billy Slater enjoys inflicting injuries on children with a good old-fashioned rodeo.
187. Getting caught cheating on a test once will permanently ruin your life.
188. Skin cream and nitric acid: Choose wisely.
189. Recipe for a synthetic vampire: Cute girl and strawberry yogurt.
190. Psychics are really mean.
191. Pinched-face Cockney concierges are really mean.
192. Hit Alt-7 to scroll up a cinema.
(can't believe nobody's done this one yet...)
193. With TORTURE!
194. Only love pads the film.
195. The Eagles used to support the economy of Bolivia.
196. Basil Rathbone looks fabulous with an earring and a turban.
197. A lot of stars attended the Tributary of the Upper Amazon.
198. String tastes funny.
199. Peter Lawford likes control.
200. State troopers drop by farmers' homes to lecture their kids on safe driving.
201. People in the future need to see Chris Farley movies to be free.
202. Giant carrot people from Venus are nobody's friends.
203. Hang gliders, ATV's and nuclear weapons all existed in ancient times.
204. John Carradine had a fine singing voice.
205. Tor Johnson was one of the finest actors of his day.
206. Mike is the Don Cornelius of the 90's.
207. Nanites don't like people who went to college.
208. Neck juice.
209. Renaissance Fair punching bags.
210. Crow may or may not be Bellerian.
211. Adolfo Celi is quite satisfied with his nose.
212. Three breast emeralds! Ah-ha-ha!
213. Estevez can become a member of DeBarge at any moment.
214. Some movies like to shove the irony down your throat.
215. Best thing to do with an over-stressed pregnant wife is to sedate her to the gills.
216. The Great Vorelli has an upper-back fetish.
217. Hasidic wallpaper?
218. Here, as anointed, by God, Man holds dominion over his Earth.
219. Jimmy is an intensely stupid young man. Oh, and he won the essay contest!
220. LUCILLE!!!
221. Japanese kids like bootblacking very much.
222. Huh. Mars exploded.
223. And special thanks to Eat.
224. You're supposed to keep fresh batteries in your Agonizer at all times!
225. Let me be frank about Fraaank ...
226. Haw ... haw ... haw ... haww.
227. Time for go to bed!