The Angels Revenge entry should be finished by the end of next week, Callie. There's a few holes still:

1. Anybody able to see what book Mike is reading in the opening?

2. What song is Crow singing right before the movie begins?

3. GREYDON CLARK "Is he related to Treydon Blue?" (another drug reference?)

4. "I have a feeling Johnny Watt is going to be in this."

5. "The loneliest druggie."

6. "Barry Knight's first feature!"

7. "Jimbo, I'll be your man..."

8. "Pusher man!" "Cookie man!"

Anybody help with these? (Big thanks to Todd Pence on the episode board for the "roscoe barked chow chow" reference--NEVER would have got that on my own).

Mike, please note that Annotated Episodes now has its own topic on the top page.

Thanks!

::3. GREYDON CLARK "Is he related to Treydon Blue?" (another drug reference?)::

I think they're saying "True Don Blue" and not "Treydon Blue". True Don Blue was the host of The Gong Show after Chuck Barris, I think.

::8. "Pusher man!" "Cookie man!"::

This is a reference to the Snackwell's commercials of the mid-nineties, in which a long-suffering, bald cookie researcher(?), known only as "Cookie Man!!" was constantly besieged by a horde of middle aged, Snackwell's-craving women.

Yes! Thank you for the Cookie Man explanation.

The "Johnny Watt" reference was actually Johnny Wadd, a character played by John Holmes in a number of adult films in the 70's. He was one of the few adult film stars of that time to become a celebrity, but he was also a huge drug addict who hung out with really unsavory people. The joke seems to be that it's so badly acted and cheap it looks like a porno.

Here we go. Thanks to all those who offered help.

ANGELS REVENGE

Opening
• Anyone with better eyes than me point out what book Mike is reading?
• “I wear my sunglasses at night…”
o Tom is singing the 1983 song “Sunglasses at Night,” first sung by 1980s pop musician Corey Hart. The “bad boy” Hart’s career peaked with this song and “Never Surrender” from two years later. “Sunglasses at Night”’s rather inane lyrics/music video made it easy pickings to be on VH1’s “Most Awesomely Bad Song” list in 2004.
• “I can’t remember Fisk’s home run of the foul pole in the bottom of the 12th inning in Game 6 of the ’75 Series.”
o Crow is referring to a very famous moment in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series between the Boston Red Sox and the Cincinnati Reds. Carlton Fisk (1947--), the catcher for the Red Sox, came to the plate in the bottom of the 12th inning in what had been a sensational game filled with terrific plays. Fisk, facing Reds pitcher Pat Darcy, hit a long fly ball to left field; it was obvious to everyone that it would be a home run (which would end the game) if it stayed fair. In one of the great baseball images, Fisk inched down the line to first, waving his hands in a bit of body English to will the ball to the right to stay fair. It barely did, but it was good enough to win the game. Unfortunately, the Red Sox lost Game 7 and the championship to the Reds anyway.
• “It wasn’t amnesia I had; it was Ambrosia! Make a wish, baby, make a list…”
o The band Ambrosia was a rock band formed in the ‘70s which went through various styles—progressive rock, hard rock, and mainstream pop. The band broke up in the ‘80s, but later reformed in 1997. Their songs include “How Much I Feel” and “You’re the Only Woman,” as well as the one quoted here, “Biggest Part of Me,” a love song which placed third on the 1980 charts.

Host Segment One
• “At least sing something by Eric Carmen.” “All by myselffff!”
o Eric Carmen (1949--) is a singer who achieved fame by forming the band The Raspberries in 1970, but later had a successful solo career with “Never Gonna Fall in Love Again” and “Make Me Lost Control.” The song quoted here is the rather melancholy “All by Myself,” which was based on a Rachmaninoff concerto and was later covered by Celene Dion.
• “You’re probably wondering why we’re dressed as our favorite ‘70s relief pitchers: Tug McGraw and Rollie Fingers.”
o Tug McGraw (1944-2004) was a successful relief pitcher for the New York Mets (1965-74) and the Philadelphia Phillies (1975-84). While eccentric, he was beloved in both cities and helped both teams to World Series appearances (winning two rings in all). He is the father of country singer Tim McGraw, who has paid tribute to his recently deceased father at many of his concert appearances since.
o Rollie Fingers (1946--) was another successful closer (unlike McGraw, a Hall of Famer, though), who pitched for the Oakland Athletics (1968-76), the San Diego Padres (1977-80), and the Milwaukee Brewers (1981-85). He is best remembered for his huge handlebar moustache, which made him fit in among the oddballs that made up the championship “Moustache Gang” in Oakland.
• “You draw fewer viewers than reruns of ‘The Duck Factory.’”
o “The Duck Factory” (1984) was a failed sitcom about a young animator working on a cartoon show about a duck. The show is only remembered today (if at all) because the animator was played by a very young Jim Carrey. I’m not sure, but I believe the episodes may have been rerun after Carrey became a star on television, explaining the reference.
• “…smash hit starring Lorenzo Lamas: ‘Renegade!’”
o “Renegade” (1992-97) was one of Stephen J. Cannell’s typical entertainingly silly action programs. The plot is just as Dr. Forrester describes it: Reno Raines (Lamas) was a cop until he got framed for the murder of his wife. Thus, he became a bounty hunter and acquired sidekicks, Bobby Sixkiller (Branscombe Richmond) and Cheyenne Phillips (Kathleen Kinmont) as he tracked down bad guys and looked for the murderer of his wife.
• “Starring Jim Backus and Jack Palance, who in lieu of pay, actually worked for scotch.”
o Jim Backus (1913-1989) was a character actor, best known for his years of playing rich eccentrics. His most famous roles are as the millionaire Thurston Howell III on “Gilligan’s Island” and as the voice of the nearsighted Mr. Magoo in a series of cartoons. His best-known “straight” role is probably as James Dean’s father in Rebel Without a Cause (1955).
o Jack Palance (1919--) is a character actor known for playing grizzled tough guys (frequently bad guys) in such films as Sudden Fear (1952) and Shane (1953). After appearing in an amazing assortment of •••• in the ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘80s, he revived his career as a character actor in movies like Batman (1989) and most notably, his Oscar-winning role as the trail boss in City Slickers (1991). He is noted for his hard drinking; an urban legend still persists that a soused Palance mistakenly read Marisa Tomei’s name as a winner at the 1992 Oscars.
• “On and onnnn!”
o What is this a lyric to?

Movie Act One
• GREYDON CLARK “Is he related to True Don Bleu?”
o Thanks to Randomia. True Don Bleu was a radio personality (who played oldies) on Minnesota’s KDWB until the late ‘70s when he moved to the west coast. He has been in San Francisco for over twenty years now. Is this the same Don Bleu that hosted “The Gong Show” revival in 1988?
• “I have a feeling Johnny Wadd is going to be in this.”
o Thanks to Chris Diehl. Johnny Wadd was a detective character played by John Holmes in a series of porno crime films from 1970 to 1987. While obviously not great cinema, these porn films at least attempted to have something of a plot. Holmes (1944-1988), infamous for his large member, got involved in drugs and murder and eventually died of AIDS. The character of Johnny Wadd lived on somewhat in a recent series of films featuring Joel Lawrence as Johnny Wadd Junior.
• “Mary Kay…Kay…Kay.”
o Mary Kay is a brand of cosmetics founded by Mary Kay Ash in 1963. The number-one selling brand of skin care and color cosmetics, Mary Kay products are famously only sold by “Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultants,” who earn commissions for sales and for the recruitment of others to join their ranks.
• “Colonel Potter!”
o Colonel Sherman T. Potter was a character on the sitcom “M*A*S*H” (appearing from 1975 to the end of the show in 1983). Played by veteran character actor Harry Morgan, Potter was a professional soldier who was not above having some fun as well. He enjoyed riding his horse Sophie, which explains the joke.
• “She is the smart one!”
o A mild early reference to “Charlie’s Angels” (1976-1981), the biggest direct influence on this movie. The show, which featured three beautiful women in scanty clothing battling crime, was very popular and despised by critics. The original trio consisted of Sabrina Duncan (Kate Jackson), Kelly Garrett (Jaclyn Smith), and Jill Munroe (Farrah Fawcett); they were frequently described in shorthand as the “smart one” (Sabrina), the “tough one” (Kelly), and the “athletic one” (Jill).
• “The few, the proud, the rrrrrr…”
o This is a parody of the recruitment slogan for the United States Marine Corps: “The few, the proud, the Marines.”
• “Sheila Kneivel!”
o Evel Knievel (1938--) was a daredevil stuntman, who excelled at long-distance, very dangerous motorcycle jumps (over cliffs and buses and the like), which earned him lots of attention and many broken bones. He became a folk hero in the ‘70s, inspiring his own action figure and television specials, although his fame was brief and he went bankrupt in the ‘80s. His son, Robbie, is also a daredevil of some renown.
• “I detect the liver-spotted hand of Aaron Spelling is behind this.”
o Aaron Spelling (1923--) is one of the most famous television producers in history. His shows were/are extremely popular if frequently critically derided as being tacky and silly: they include “The Mod Squad,” “Charlie’s Angels,” “The Love Boat,” “Beverly Hills 90210,” and “Melrose Place.” His daughter is actress Tori Spelling.
• “Connie Stevens is The Professional.”
o Connie Stevens (1938--) is an actress and singer, whose songs include “Sixteen Reasons,” “Now That You’ve Gone,” and the novelty song “Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb.” The latter was inspired by her role as Cricket Blake on the detective show “77 Sunset Strip,” which featured the popular character of Kookie.
o The Professional (1994) is a French film by Luc Besson also known as Léon. The film is about a professional assassin, Léon (Jean Reno), who becomes the protector of a young girl (a young Natalie Portman) after her family is murdered.
• “Great, Mitchell’s here.”
o Mitchell (1975) was a MSTed movie starring Joe Don Baker as the crimefighting yet repulsive detective Mitchell, who enjoys a good beer. This is considered to be one of the best MST3K episodes (it was the last one featuring Joel).
• “Dear Ranger Rick Forum…”
o Ranger Rick is a nature magazine produced by the National Wildlife Foundation to educate kids about animals and conservation. Ranger Rick himself is a raccoon that apparently serves as a forest ranger. Like many kids, I was a reader of Ranger Rick back in the day.
• “David Mamet’s Oleanna.”
o David Mamet (1947--) is a playwright and screenwriter known for his witty, realistic, and searing plotlines in such plays and movies as American Buffalo (1975), Glengarry Glen Ross (1984), and Wag the Dog (1997). Oleanna (1992) was a play by Mamet about a female student who accuses a male professor of sexual harassment, ruining his career. It was later a movie with William H. Macy and Deborah Eisenstadt.
• “Gene Shalit wants his hair back.”
o Gene Shalit (1932--) is a movie critic who is frequently seen on the NBC morning show “Today,” presenting movie reviews and interviews. He is known for his very frizzy hair, his droopy moustache, and his somewhat lispy voice.
• “They’re doing their impression of the Madonna.”
o No, not the pop singer. The Madonna is the Catholic term for the mother of Jesus, the Virgin Mary. In art (paintings, sculptures, what have you), the Madonna is frequently represented as a loving woman who sort of stoically looks down in grief at her dead son, kind of what the girls are doing in this scene.
• “When bad things happen to hot people!”
o This is a parody of the book When Bad Things Happen to Good People (1981) by Harold Kushner, a popular work written by Kushner (a rabbi) after his son died. The book is frequently praised for being simple but intelligent and providing answers for grieving people.
• “Yes!” “To Lady Clairol!”
o Lady Clairol is a brand of haircolor products produced by the Clairol company. It was used for many years by women to dye their hair silver/platinum, spawning the catch phrase “It is it true blondes have more fun?”, but I do not think Clairol specifically makes this product anymore. I could be wrong, but it is not listed on their website.
• “Semper fi, marine!”
o Semper fi (the shortened form of “simper fidelis”) is the motto of the United States Marine Corps. It means “always faithful” in Latin and signifies the group’s dedication to the service.
• “Kelly LeBrock’s Heroes!”
o Kelly LeBrock (1960--) is an actress and model, best known for her movies The Woman in Red (1984) and Weird Science (1985). She was married to frequent bad movie star Steven Seagal for about a decade; she also did the famous Pantene ad where she said “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”
o Kelly’s Heroes (1970) is an entertaining WWII movie about a group of eccentric U.S. soldiers who get involved in a caper to steal gold from behind German lines. The soldiers consist of Clint Eastwood (as Kelly), Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland (as a hippy), Don Rickles, Gavin MacLeod, Stuart Margolin, and Harry Dean Stanton.
• Anybody help me out with the tune being hummed here?
• “So these were the Carter years.” “Well, I do sense a malaise.”
o President Jimmy Carter (1924--) was the president from 1977 to 1981; while a respected humanitarian and a very smart guy, Carter’s presidency was troubled by high inflation, rising oil prices, and turbulence abroad. The malaise comment refers to a Carter speech in July 1979, in which he described the nation’s “crisis of confidence” and urged unity and strength among the American people. While he never used the word “malaise,” it became the “malaise speech”; while it was initially popular, it eventually was used against Carter as an example of him pointing the finger at the public instead of at himself.
• “Squanto: A Warrior’s Tale.”
o Squanto: A Warrior’s Tale (1994) was a biopic of the Native American Squanto (played by Adam Beach) who made contact with the Pilgrims in 1620. A politically correct version of history, the film was savaged by the critics and had little impact at the box office.
• “They’re attacking a Klingon language camp!”
o The Klingons were an alien race developed on the science fiction series “Star Trek” (1966-1969) as a group of warlike villains that usually served to make trouble. In the various “Trek” spinoffs, the Klingons were explored in more detail and became uneasy allies to the peaceful Federation. Marc Okrand, a linguist that worked on the show, invented a whole language for the Klingons to speak (“Klingonese”); some rabid Trekkies have learned it and even teach it to others.
• “And this was Carter’s hostage solution?”
o The Iran hostage crisis happened in Iran after the pro-U.S. administration of the Shah was overthrown by the militantly Islamic followers of the Ayatollah Khomeini. In November 1979, Iranian students stormed the American embassy and took 66 people hostage for a period of 444 days. While the American government tried negotiation, President Carter also ordered an attempt at a rescue; Operation Eagle Claw, however, was an abject failure and resulted in 8 American soldiers being killed. The crisis deeply hurt Carter’s popularity, although his negotiation ultimately paid off in the waning minutes of his administration when the hostages were released in 1981.
• “The Green Barrettes.”
o A parody of the Green Berets, part of the United States Special Operations Force that specializes in unconventional operations. The group was immortalized in the song “The Ballad of the Green Berets,” by Staff Sergeant Barry Sadler, and the movie The Green Berets (1968) starring John Wayne, which featured the Green Berets in Vietnam.
• The gang starts singing some lyrics from the 1958 Christmas song “Little Drummer Boy” at this time. This cheery tune tells the tale of the title character who plays his drum for the infant Jesus and has a similar melody to the music being played in the background at this time.
• “For Lancôme, Isabella Rossellini!”
o Isabella Rossellini (1952--) is a model and actress. The daughter of Ingrid Bergman and director Roberto Rossellini, Isabella has appeared in such movies as Blue Velvet (1986) and Cousins (1989). From 1982 and 1996, she served as the spokesmodel for the company Lancôme, a French perfume, cosmetics, and skin care company.
• “Jose Cardenal looks on…”
o Jose Cardenal (1943--) was a baseball player who served as an outfielder for many teams during the ‘60s, ‘70s, and 1980 (nine in all, with his longest tenure being with the Chicago Cubs). A good but not great player (.275, 135 HR for career totals), Cardenal is best remembered for his big ‘ol afro that looks something like Terry’s hair.
• “It’s Miles O’Keefe with breasts.”
o Miles O’Keefe (1954--) is a big blonde, buff movie actor, best remembered for his many awful action films, ranging from Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981) to Sword of the Valiant (1984) to the Ator films (one of which, Cave Dwellers (1984), was famously skewered on MST3K). O’Keefe, unlike, say Joe Don Baker, was a good sport about the riffing.
• “One of the first De Loreans.”
o The De Lorean DMC-12 was a ‘80s sports car produced by the De Lorean Motar Company. Stainless steel with a rear-mounted engine, the De Lorean was the only car produced by the company. The earliest models were plagued by quality complaints, probably caused by the inexperience of company workers. The company went bankrupt in 1982 and its founder, John De Lorean, was busted in a messy drug trafficking scheme in order to raise money. The most famous De Lorean is the car is the Back to the Future movie series.
• “Behind ETA lines.”
o I can’t tell if they’re saying ETA or PTA lines. ETA is the Euskadi Ta Askatasuna, a terrorist group that seeks to bring about an independent state for the Basque people in the Pyrenees region currently under Spanish and French control. The ETA uses violence and has committed many terrorist acts within Spain. The PTA, of course, is the Parent-Teacher Association, a group that brings together parents and teachers to create better school environments, and despite what Rod Paige may say, is generally not considered a terrorist organization.
• “Freddy Fender!”
o Freddy Fender (1937--) is a musician out of Texas (his real name is Baldemar Huerta). With a sort of rock/country style, Freddy worked with the groups Los Super Seven and the Texas Tornadoes; he had such hit songs in the ‘70s and ‘80s as “Before the Next Teardrop Falls,” “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights,” and “Secret Love.”
• “Wish I hadn’t bought a Playgirl.”
o Playgirl magazine is the female equivalent of Playboy (although they are produced by different companies). Since 1973, Playgirl has presented erotic pictures of handsome guys in magazine format.
• “Sound by Hanna-Barbera.”
o The cartoon studio Hanna-Barbera, started by William Hanna (1910-2001) and Joseph Barbera (1911--), has been making television cartoons for over forty years. Hanna and Barbera were experienced movie animators (they created Tom and Jerry) when, in the late ‘50s, they were asked to create cartoon characters for a regular television show (with a much smaller budget). With that, Hanna-Barbera was in business, eventually creating such famous characters as Yogi Bear, the Flintstones, Scooby-Doo, and many more. While frequently derided for being cheap and repetitive, Hanna-Barbera’s cartoons were very successful. Today, the studio is called Cartoon Network Studios, reflecting the fact that almost all their original programming airs on Cartoon Network.
• “This place smuggles black-market Galleries and Easy Riders.”
o Just not sure what this is referring to or if I’m hearing this right. There are magazines named Gallery and Easy Rider, which is the best I can come up with. Anybody want to help?
• “Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp…”
o Sugar Crisp is a breakfast cereal consisting of sweetened puffed wheat. The cereal is now called Golden Crisp, in an attempt to placate parents worried about feeding their kids excessive sugar. The cereal’s jingle, “Can’t get enough of that ___ Crisp” was sung by its mascot, the cartoon bear Sugar Bear.
• “I still like this better than City Slickers II.”
o City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold (1994) was the sequel to the popular comedy City Slickers (1991), which featured a group of yuppies discovering themselves at a cattle driving vacation. The sequel has most of the original cast returning to go on a buried treasure hunt; Jack Palance, whose character, Curly, died in the first film, appears in this one as his character’s brother.
• “Vaguely-Strauss-BUT-NOT!”
o Richard Strauss (1864-1949) was a German composer who wrote tone poems and operas. His most famous works are the opera Salome (1905), the tone poem Don Juan (1889), and the poem Also sprach Zarathustra (1896), which was used in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). Its sort of bombastic tune is what is being parodied by Tom in this scene.
• “Not the self styling adorned!”
o Is this is a reference to a specific commercial?
• “It’s the T&A Team!”
o T&A is a term meaning “•••• and ass” and is disparagingly used to refer to television or movie programs that exist only to show off attractive females (like “Charlie’s Angels,” or hell, this movie).
o “The A Team” (1983-87) was a popular television program about a team of ex-commandos-cum-mercenaries (George Peppard, Dirk Benedict, Dwight Schultz, and of course, Mr. T). Each episode featured lots of action and explosions but no real violence.
• “Flush the wax worms!”
o Wax worms are an easy to rear kind of worm. A hardy breed, they are frequently used as fishing bait, food for reptiles/fish, and for life cycle observations in science labs.
• “Fred Sanford!”
o Fred Sanford was a character on the popular sitcom “Sanford and Son” (1972-1977) about an ornery junk dealer (Fred, played by Redd Foxx) and his good-natured son (Lamont, played by Demond Wilson). Crotchety Fred drove a beat-up truck like the one shown here.
• “This is the weirdest Merchant Ivory film.”
o Merchant Ivory Productions is a film studio run by director James Ivory (1928--) and producer Ismail Merchant (1936-2005). Founded in 1961 to make “English-language films in India,” the studio is noted for its very detailed, authentic, and ever-so-slightly-dull period pieces (including many literary adaptations), such as A Room with a View (1985), Howards End (1992), and The Remains of the Day (1993).
• “They’re all listening to Charlie Daniels in there.”
o Charlie Daniels (1936--) is a country music legend, known for his guitar and fiddle playing. The bearded Daniels’ songs are very Southern and “good ‘ol boy” in nature, including “The South’s Gonna Do It,” “In America,” and his most famous work, “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” Charlie’s still going strong today—you could have caught him playing at the Super Bowl in 2005.
• “Hey, Vern! I can’t find your friggin’ leg, Vern!”
o This is a parody of the character Ernest P. Worrell, a country bumpkin played by Jim Varney, who appeared in a series of commercials and slapstick movies throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s (an impressive if frightening nine movies in all). In the commercials, Ernest would always be talking to somebody off screen named Vern, who would usually take the brunt of Ernest’s idiocy.
• “The air filled with Slim Jims and obscene trucker tapes.”
o Slim Jims are a kind of beef snack, much like beef jerky, although with several different flavors. Long, thin rods, they are made to be snapped off when eaten and are popular among youth.
• “UPS delivers!”
o UPS is the United Parcel Service, the world’s largest package delivery company. Founded in 1907, the company is known for its familiar brown trucks; for years, it dominated ground based deliveries, but recently FedEx and DHL have made great strides in this department. “UPS delivers” was for many years the company slogan, but this has been downplayed lately.
• ANGELS REVENGE “Gabriel is out for justice!”
o In the Bible, Gabriel is one of the Lord’s archangels. He is usually seen in the Bible as a messenger of some sort, communicating understanding to Daniel and news of the miraculous births of John the Baptist and Jesus Christ. He’s the chap who says “unto you a savior is born.”
• PAT BUTTRAM “Hey, Mr. Haney!”
o Pat Buttram (1915-1994) was a character actor who was Gene Autry’s sidekick, “Smiley,” in western movies and television programs. His most famous role was as the conniving salesman Mr. Haney on the sitcom “Green Acres” (1965-71). Buttram’s incredibly squeaky voice made him stand out, but you’ll get to hear it for yourself in a few minutes.
• “And Sir Laurence Olivier!”
o Laurence Olivier (1907-1989) is one of the greatest actors of stage and screen. A great Shakespearean actor, Olivier used his wonderfully compelling voice to great effect in his roles, most famously that of Hamlet (an Oscar-winning role for the 1948 film adaptation), Richard III, and Othello. He also played leads and character roles in many films, including Pride and Prejudice (1940), Spartacus (1960), and Marathon Man (1976).
• “Robert Urich is Dan Tanna!”
o This is a reference to the television action series “Vega$” (1978-81). Robert Urich (1946-2002) played lanky detective Dan Tanna, who solved crimes in the slick city of Las Vegas. The show had an incredible ‘70s feel and has a catchy if utterly inane instrumental theme.
• “Any time is right for a Beck’s beer.”
o Beck’s is a beer brewery in Bremen, Germany, that has been producing beer since 1873. It is an international beer powerhouse with a strong export market; this sounds like a commercial reference, but I couldn’t find any info about it on the Web.
• “It’s a Smarties dealer!”
o Smarties are fruit-flavored candy that looks like colored tablets. They are usually packaged in rolls that make them easy to be handed out for parties or Halloween treats. They have sort of an addictive taste.
• “I’m going to put on the suit the aliens gave me!”
o This is a (very funny) reference to the superhero television series “The Greatest American Hero” (1981-1983). This was about a bumbler (William Katt, whose frizzy hair makes him look like Sticks) who is given a supersuit by a group of aliens. The suit gives him terrific powers if he can learn how to use them. The show is best remembered for its cheery theme song: “Believe it or not…I’m walking on air…”
• “Willie Aames in the Vince Van Patten Story.”
o Willie Aames (1960--) is a television actor. He is best known for playing one of the Bradford children on “Eight is Enough” and Scott Baio’s best friend on “Charles in Charge.” Aames, a devout Christian, can be seen as Bibleman in a series of unfortunately rather silly children’s videos.
o Vince Van Patten (1957--) is an actor and professional tennis player. He is the son of actor Dick Van Patten, who was the star of the aforementioned “Eight is Enough.” Vince was a child actor, appearing in guest roles on television programs and even starring in a failed pilot, “The Bionic Boy.” He currently hosts the show “World Poker Tour.”
• “The loneliest druggie…”
o I swear this is a reference to something.
• “I’ll be disappointed if Grant Goodeve isn’t in this.”
o Grant Goodeve (1952--) was an actor best remembered for playing one of the kids, David, on the sitcom “Eight is Enough” (1977-1981). After the show ended, Goodeve he appeared on some soaps like “Dynasty” and “One Life to Life,” as well as some bad movies; he also had a drinking problem that he managed to kick. He was last seen doing a voice for a Star Fox video game, Star Fox Assault (2005).
• “We’re addicted kids, a million strong and growing…”
o This is a parody for the advertising slogan for Flintstones Complete, a brand of multivitamins more commonly referred to as “Flintstones Vitamins,” which has vitamins in the shape of the popular prehistoric cartoon characters. The original jingle goes “We’re Flintstone kids, a million strong and growing…”
• “Heidi Fleiss!”
o Heidi Fleiss (1965--) was infamously known as the “Hollywood Madam” for providing prostitutes to many celebrities. She was sentenced to three years in jail for these crimes; she currently owns a West Hollywood boutique. Her long face and her hair style make her slightly resemble the kid, especially in that particular shot.
• “James at 15 miles per hour!”
o “James at 15” (1977-78) was a dramatic program that explored the life of a fifteen year old boy named James (Lance Kerwin). A low-key, realistic program, the show was critically praised; while it managed to go on long enough to be retitled “James at 16,” it was ultimately canceled.
• “It’s hard to jog wearing Orlons.”
o Orlon is an acrylic fabric that is resistant to chemicals, sunlight, and temperatures, making it useful for outdoor use (like awnings). Orlons are also used in clothing to make dress fabrics, woven sportswear, and rainwear.
• “The Bad News Bears are gonna lose that game today, aren’t they?”
o The Bad News Bears are a group of Little Leaguers who appeared in a trilogy of movies from 1976 to 1978 (and a short-lived television series from 1979 to 1980). A ragtag bunch of troublemakers and misfits, the Bears ultimately manage to become a real team, as led by an alcoholic ex-pro (Walter Matthau, who only appeared in the first movie). The movie was remade, a bit more off-color, in 2005, with Billy Bob Thornton playing the Matthau part.
• “I’ve got Gambino ties!”
o The Gambino crime family is part of the Mafia and is based out of New York City (although operations go on around the country). The Gambinos have connections to numerous illegal enterprises (as well as many legal ones also). The family is named after its most successful don, Carlo Gambino, who held sway from 1957 to 1976. Later, the infamous John Gotti took over in 1986, with his relations holding power in the Gambino family even after Gotti was ousted in 1992.
• “SweeTarts!”
o SweeTarts are a kind of candy; they are little circular, colored, sugary things with a tangy flavor—kind of like a larger version of Smarties (see above). They come in a slightly bulkier package than Smarties, but are also Halloween/party staples.
• “Ah, the filthy, unfunny comedy of Buddy Hackett.”
o Buddy Hackett (1924-2003) was a pudgy comedian, known for his brash, wild, and sometimes off-color persona. A frequent guest on talk shows, he had only a few movie roles, including It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963) and the voice of the seagull in The Little Mermaid (1989).
• “That’s not Flip Wilson, honey.” “Yes it is, it’s that Geraldine character.”
o Flip Wilson (1933-1998) was a comedian, one of the first wave of African-American actors to become successful on television. His very popular comedy-variety program, “The Flip Wilson Show,” ran from 1970 to 1974. One of his most famous characters was Geraldine Jones, a brassy woman who had a boyfriend named Killer and used the famous catch phrase, “The devil made me do it!”
• “She sang with Iggy Pop, you know.”
o Iggy Pop (1947--) is a hard rock musician, who helped develop the genre back in the ‘60s and ‘70s with his band The Stooges. He has since become a successful solo artist with the songs “Lust for Life” and “Candy.” Pop, especially in his hard rock days, was known for his crazy antics on stage (including the stage dive); his heroin addiction may have also had something to do with it. Pop also occasionally appears in character roles in movies and television shows.
• “This audience would riot if they saw KC and the Sunshine Band.”
o KC and the Sunshine Band was a ‘70s band, noted for their funk/disco beat. Their songs include “That’s the Way (I Like It),” “Shake Your Booty,” and “Get Down Tonight,” all of which are prime examples of disco funk at its best. The group was hurt (make that, temporarily killed) by the demise of disco, but still performs today.
• “One of Cole Porter’s worst songs.”
o Cole Porter (1891-1964) was one of the great composers and songwriters, penning such American standards as “Night and Day,” “I Get a Kick Out of You,” and “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” as well as musicals like Anything Goes and Kiss Me Kate. A playboy (albeit homosexual), Porter enjoyed a sophisticated life, although he became partially crippled in 1937 after a riding accident. He was recently played by Kevin Kline in the film De-Lovely (2004).
• “Ruth Bader Ginsburg on backup.”
o Ruth Bader Ginsburg (1933--) was a political activist for women’s rights and a lawyer for the ACLU before she became an Appeals Court Justice in 1980 and a Supreme Court Justice in 1993. She generally votes moderate to liberal in her decisions (placing her in the “liberal wing” of the Court) and believes the Constitution should be interpreted flexibly.
• “Arthur Godfrey, will you shine your love?”
o Arthur Godfrey (1903-1983) was a popular television and radio entertainer, who hosted “Arthur Godfrey and his Friends” (1949-1959) and “Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scouts” (1948-1958), as well as a long-running daily radio show. Godfrey introduced a lot of young talent, including Pat Boone. He was noted for his quick thinking (he frequently ad-libbed his commercials) and his friendly on-screen persona…but see below for some other Godfrey moments.
• “Put a ukulele under his tongue!”
o Godfrey was noted for his ukulele playing and showed this off on his radio and television programs. He even did some televised lessons.
• “Next on Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert…”
o Don Kirshner (1934--) is a songwriter and rock producer. He helped launch the careers of Bobby Darin, Carole King, and created such bands as the Monkees and the Archies. “Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert” (1972-1983) was a music program that presented rock bands; Kirshner was the host and used a monotone, staccato delivery, which was famously parodied by Paul Shaffer on “Saturday Night Live.”
• “You’re all fired. You have no humility.”
o The darker side of Arthur Godfrey was that he held grudges and feuds against people he perceived as enemies. These ranged from competitors (like Ed Sullivan) to even his own employees if they did something to displease him. One of his most notorious incidents was in 1953; during a live broadcast, he introduced one of his cast members, popular singer Julius LaRosa. After LaRosa sang, Godfrey announced on the air that LaRosa would no longer be seen on the program. He later explained that LaRosa had “lacked humility.” This and other specious firings helped contribute to Godfrey’s downfall from the airwaves.

Host Segment Two
• “You’ve reworked Earth vs. Soup…”
o Earth vs. Soup was a screenplay that Crow wrote in Episode 313, Earth vs. the Spider, which parodied that film by having the menace be soup. This was a mild running joke on the series and was mentioned a few more times in various episodes.
• “You’re the Don Cornelius of the ‘90s.”
o Don Cornelius (1936--) was a black television producer that created and hosted the show “Soul Train,” which is still running today (although Cornelius stopped hosting around 1994). He helped to introduce a host of African-American musicians to a wider audience through television.
• Script: Chocolate Jones and the Temple of Funk
o This is basically a parody of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984), a successful entry in the Indiana Jones series featuring Harrison Ford as the intrepid archaeologist battling the evil Thuggee cult in India. The film helped to inspire the PG-13 rating as a medium zone between PG and R because of a scene in which a man has his heart ripped out.
• “What size dashiki do you wear?”
o A dashiki is a kind of large African shirt (almost like a robe). It looks very regal; you know in movies whenever they need to convey the impression that somebody is African/Arabian royalty? They’re wearing a dashiki.

Movie Act Two
• “I will not call you little buddy!”
o Ah, Alan Hale Jr (1918-1990). This character actor was best known for playing the cheerful Skipper on the show “Gilligan’s Island” (1964-1967). The Skipper frequently called Gilligan “little buddy.”
• “He looks like Gertrude Stein.”
o Gertrude Stein (1874-1946) was a poet and author who was on the front line of the modernist movement in art and literature during the 1920’s. Stein had a unique style of writing that is either intriguing or infuriating, depending on your point of view (I vote the latter), thanks to her stream-of-consciousness style in such works as Tender buttons (1914) and The Making of Americans (1925). Stein is best known for her pithy quote, “A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose,” and for her most “normal” work, the entertaining The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas (1933). She was kind of a rotund woman, hence the joke.
• “Three fountains in a fountain…”
o This is a parody of the song “Three Coins in the Fountain,” a song written by Jule Styne and Sammy Cahn and introduced by Frank Sinatra in a 1954 film of the same name, about tourists finding love while in Rome.
• “He’s practicing to be on Mike Douglas.”
o This is a reference to “The Mike Douglas Show” (1961-1981), a breezy daytime talk show, hosted by singer Mike Douglas (1925--). Starting as a local Cleveland program, it was picked up nationally. Douglas featured many well known guests, who would come on and sit next to him in large, poofy chairs, like the one in this shot.
• “It’s Fran Lebowitz!” “Still not writing.”
o Fran Lebowitz (1951--) is an author noted for her humorous, rather cynically so, essays written for New York magazines and her two collections, Metropolitan Life (1978) and Social Studies (1981). The reference about “still not writing” refers to the fact that Lebowitz’s output has been spotty, mainly restricted to the odd column or interview. In 1994, she produced The Fran Lebowitz Reader, which just combined her two previous books. She wrote a children’s book the same year.
• “Nobody deserves a beating like that.” “Pauly Shore does.”
o Pauly Shore (1968--) is an actor/comedian, who after becoming popular as a MTV personality, made a series of successful films in the early ‘90s—Encino Man (1992), Son in Law (1993), and Bio-Dome (1996), most notably, typically playing a crazed dimwit. Thankfully, the Shore craze ended in the ‘90s, but he has since come back with an autobiographical film, Pauly Shore is Dead (2005), and a reality TV show called “Minding the Store” (2005).
• “He also made an attempt on Ford’s life.”
o President Gerald Ford (1913--), the President from 1974 to 1977, was in fact, almost assassinated twice. The genial Ford, who succeeded the disgraced Richard Nixon, struggled with foreign and economic problems during his administration, but was generally respected. In September 1975, Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, one of Charles Manson’s followers, pointed a gun at him, but did not fire. In the same month, Sara Jane Moore, a former radical, shot at Ford, but thankfully did not succeed either.
• “Barry Knight’s first feature!”
o Anybody?
• “It’s about the pencil test!”
o The pencil test is a folk way of predicting the gender of a baby. While I have seen various different explanations of just what the pencil test is, the basic gist is that you take a threaded needle and put it in the center of the eraser of a pencil. Dangle the pencil over your wrist and it will go in circles—going up and down means boy, going side to side means girl; you can do it if you’re not pregnant at the time, as the test is said to tell someone’s entire birth history (other variations of the test even can specify a miscarriage).
• “A very special ‘All-American Girl!’”
o “All-American Girl” (1994-95) was a sitcom starring Korean comedienne Margaret Cho as an Americanized daughter dealing with her traditional Korean family. The show was a failure and only ran 19 episodes; the reference is sort of obscure, but, hey, we’ve already had a “Duck Factory” joke in this episode, too.
• “La Choy makes Chinese food!”
o La Choy is a brand of packaged Oriental foods, like egg rolls, chow mein noodles, and sauces, founded in 1920. The company was acquired by the megacorp ConAgra in 1990. This was their ad slogan for several years.
• “Oh, Popeye!”
o April sounds a lot like Olive Oyl, a character in the Popeye series of comics and cartoons. Voiced by Mae Questel, Olive is tall, thin, and something of a flibbertigibbet, saying “Oh, Popeye!” a lot. She is the girlfriend to Popeye and is frequently kidnapped by the villainous Bluto.
• “Miss Maxfli!”
o Maxfli is a company that makes golf balls and accessories; their hottest product right now is something called the “Black Max” golf ball. I can only assume the joke is sort of a reference to the fact that Maria could be a model for these kinds of products.
• “Hi, teach!” “Hi, Chong!”
o This is a reference to the comedy team of Cheech and Chong—Cheech Marin (1946--) and Tommy Chong (1938--), who became famous in the ‘60s and ‘70s for doing comedy based on the hippie and drug culture of the time. The two appeared in several movies together and have had notable solo careers as well.
• “We will, like, bury you!”
o This is a reference to a famous quotation by Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev from a 1956 speech to Western ambassadors. Khrushchev said, referring to capitalism, “We will bury you!” Khrushchev later stated he did mean to be taken literally and said his meaning was more like “We will outlast you!” The quote is frequently incorrectly attributed to a 1960 incident when he pounded on his table at the UN with a shoe and ranted (hence, the reference).
• “I wonder where Maria is.” “Singing with the von Trapps?”
o Maria von Trapp (1905-1987) was the head of the Trapp Family Singers; after working as a nurse for one of Commander von Trapp’s seven children, she ended up marrying the widower. They formed a family band and eventually fled Austria to escape the Nazis. She wrote a series of memoirs, which became the inspiration for the musical/film The Sound of Music (1965), in which she was played by Julie Andrews.
• “I’ve been guarding the One Potato, Two for a week now.”
o From what I can gather, One Potato, Two is a chain of restaurants, mostly in food courts, that serve various kinds of baked potatoes. I have never seen one and their isn’t a whole lot of information on them,
• “What’s your plan?” “Who’s your daddy?”
o I think this is a reference to the song “Time of the Season” by the British pop band The Zombies. The song was recorded for a 1968 album, Odyssey and Oracle, but was not released as a single until 1969, when it became a big hit; however, the band had already broken up by then. A sultry love song, the second bit of lyrics is in question form, beginning with “What’s your name?” and going on to “Who’s your daddy?” The latter question has recently achieved further prominence in 2004 when Boston Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez said the New York Yankees were his “daddies,” prompting New Yorkers to razz him with the question during games.
• “This happened on ‘Designing Women’ once.”
o “Designing Women” (1986-1993) was a popular sitcom about a group of women (for the most part, Dixie Carter, Delta Burke, Annie Potts, and Jean Smart) that worked as interior designers in Atlanta and frequently got involved in professional, personal, or moral dilemmas. No bazookas.
• Crow starts humming the theme to “Green Acres” as Pat Buttram (see above) walks in, doing it in the sort of rustic, barnyard style the show used.
• “This is made out to Gabby Hayes!”
o Gabby Hayes (1885-1969) was a beloved Western sidekick (just as Buttram was), seen in countless western movies as a grizzled old codger, backing up Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, and many other heroes. Ironically, Hayes was an urban, well-groomed New Yorker who was not a fan of westerns.
• “Olympia Dukakis, ladies and gentlemen.”
o Olympia Dukakis (1931--) is a character actress who has had success in the theater and in films. In both fields, she is generally typed as an older, ethnic woman, and in fact, did not achieve screen prominence until 1988, when she won a Supporting Actress Oscar for Moonstruck. She has since appeared in such films as Steel Magnolias (1989) and Mr. Holland’s Opus (1995, as the principal). She is Michael Dukakis’ cousin.
• “They can get ‘All My Children.’”
o “All My Children” (1970--) is one of the most durable soap operas of all time, running on ABC continuously for over thirty years and still going strong. The soap follows the lives of the people of Pine Valley, Pennsylvania and was a fairly cutting-edge program, being one of the first soaps to tackle the issues of Vietnam, abortion, and AIDS.
• “It’s the Charlene Tilton Channel!”
o Charlene Tilton (1958--) is a blond actress, best known for her stint on the soap opera “Dallas” as Lucy Ewing, the niece to J.R. and Bobby (she appeared from 1978 to 1985 and then again from 1988 to 1990). She makes TV appearances occasionally nowadays, but has done virtually nothing of note since the end of the program.
• “Sometimes a bazooka is just a bazooka.”
o This is a parody of a famous quotation by psychologist Sigmund Freud (1856-1939). Freud was famous for his psychoanalytical methods that would explore someone’s unconscious and repressed feelings. However, the quotation (which may be apocryphal) indicates that Freud understood that one could go only so far. When one of his students asked him what his constant smoking of cigars represented, Freud said “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”
• “They’ve got an organization called the American Right.” “Headed by Newt Gingrich.”
o The gregarious Newton “Newt” Gingrich (1943--) was the Speaker of the House from 1995 to 1999, as well as a Congressman from Georgia from 1978 to 1999. At his peak, Gingrich was the leader of the Republican Party and the right-wing movement in America, masterminding the Republican successes in 1994, the Contract with America, and the attack on President Clinton. After the party’s reversal of fortune in the late ‘90s, Gingrich, a controversial figure, caught a lot of the blame and he stepped down. He has since been seen frequently as a writer and commentator.
• “Hey, it’s Lynne Russell’s house.”
o Lynne Russell (1946--) is an anchorwoman, best known for her long stint as anchorperson on CNN’s “Headline News” (1983-2001). I can only guess that the joke is a reference to Russell’s extracurricular activities, which include working as a licensed sheriff’s deputy and private detective. She has a black belt in martial arts and has written a book called How to Win Friends, Kick Ass, and Influence People.
• “Your and your date will be chauffeured to exotic Centerville, Minnesota.”
o Centerville is a city on the east side of Minnesota with only about 3,000 people. Thus, it is one of the least exotic places you can go, although it is not far from the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Centerville was also the name of a city in a song of the same name by Frank Zappa, a MST3K favorite, in which he famously proclaims it a “real nice place to raise your kids up.” The phrasing of this line is also a parody of the game show “The Dating Game” (1965-1973, and then syndicated), in which bachelors and bachelorettes were matched up. When a match was made at the end of the show, host Jim Lange (or whoever) would announce that “you and your date” would be off to some exotic place.
• What’s the song hummed here?
• “Here comes the Prime Minister of Greece.”
o At the time, the Prime Minister of Greece was Andreas Papandreou (1919-1996), an intensely polarizing figure in Greek politics. The first Socialist Prime Minister (elected in 1981), Papandreou was anti-American and brought several liberal reforms to Greece. While the working class loved him, conservatives viewed him as a corrupt demagogue. Papandreou retired and died in 1996.
• “She must be engaged to Sean Penn.”
o Sean Penn (1960--) is an actor, best known for his roles in intense dramas such as Dead Man Walking (1995), I Am Sam (2001), and Mystic River (2003), which he won the Oscar for, as well as his launching pad, the wild comedy Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982). Penn is a volatile figure; he was briefly married to Madonna, a marriage marred by his violent outbursts against the media (and rumors of spousal abuse). He is now (apparently happily) married to Robin Wright and is more controversial now for his ardent liberal causes.
• “Look at that, Stanley.”
o This is an impression of portly comedian Oliver Hardy (1892-1957), as the two guards resemble Hardy and his partner, the thin Stan Laurel (1890-1965). The two (Hardy—brash and hotheaded, Laurel—blank and nervous) appeared on stage, shorts, and films, including the classics Sons of the Desert (1933) and Way Out West (1937).
• “She’s getting more and more Tina Louisey.”
o Tina Louise (1934--) is an actress best known for playing the sexy movie star Ginger Grant on “Gilligan’s Island.” She appeared in a series of movies during the ‘50s and ‘60s, but aside from God’s Little Acre (1958), they didn’t amount to much. She also appeared in the previously MSTed SST: Death Flight (1977). Louise did not get along with the rest of the “Gilligan’s” cast and did not appear in the various remakes and TV-movies that followed.
• “Weezy!”
o This sotto voce joke is a reference to the sitcom “The Jeffersons” (1975-1985). This very long-running show was about a black couple named George and Louise Jefferson (Sherman Hemsley and Isabel Sanford). The brash George and the genial Louise had been introduced as a black counterpart to the Bunkers on “All in the Family” several years earlier, and the comedy on the spin-off was in similar form. “Weezy” was the nickname that George called Louise.
• “Jim Backus is John Philip Sousa.”
o John Philip Sousa (1854-1932) is a very famous conductor who wrote numerous patriotic marches as well as several operettas. Sousa’s work remains a favorite of marching bands and is a staple of patriotic holidays; it includes “The Stars and Stripes Forever,” “The Washington Post March,” and “The Liberty Bell March,” made infamous as the theme song for “Monty Python’s Flying Circus.”
• “How did he come to his sorry end?” “He got swine flu!”
o Swine flu is a type of influenza more prominent in pigs than humans (as per the name), but it crossed over to infect humans in the 20th century. In 1976, after an American soldier was killed from swine flu, the government began a massive vaccination project which was embarrassing as much more people died from the vaccine than the disease.
• “It’s Knight Rider!”
o “Knight Rider” (1982-1986) was a silly but successful action show was about a slick cop (David Hasselhoff) who fought crime with the help of his super car known as KITT that could drive at super speed, leap through the air, shoot weapons, and even talk (in the voice of William Daniels).
• “The Hudson Brothers were funnier than these guys.”
o The Hudson Brothers were a singing group/comedy team in the 1970’s when they toured for the Osmond Brothers and sang backup for David Cassidy. They had two successful songs, “So You Are a Star” and “Rendezvous.” The brothers, Bill (1947--), Brett (1953--), and Mark (1951--) also engaged in some zany, Marx Brothers-like antics; this proved popular enough to earn them a short-lived television show, “The Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show” (1974-75). Bill, by the way, is the father of Kate Hudson; he was married to Goldie Hawn.
• “John Irving as Adolf Hitler in The Babe.”
o John Irving (1942--) is an iconoclastic novelist who has penned several Dickensian-esque dramas (detractors call them crude melodramas), most notably The World According to Garp (1978), The Cider House Rules (1985), and A Prayer for Owen Meany (1989). His novels usually contain personal experiences; he won an Oscar for his adaptation of Rules to the screen in 1999. Irving’s sort of rugged, muscular stature does indeed make him resemble a melding of him, Hitler, and Babe Ruth.
o Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)—we all know Hitler, right? Nazi dictator, rabid anti-Semite, funny mustache, loony?
o The Babe (1992) is a movie biography about legendary baseball player Babe Ruth (1895-1948), who revolutionized baseball with his amazing home runs. The movie itself features John Goodman in sort of an unflattering portrayal of the Babe; the film did not do very well with critics or at the box office.

Host Segment Three
• “Ayyyyh!”
o Mike is doing an obvious impression of the Fonz from the sitcom “Happy Days” (1974-1984). As played by Henry Winkler, the Fonz was a greasy-haired biker kid with a heart of gold and quickly became the heart and soul of this long-running program.

Movie Act Three
• “Circus of the B-Movie Stars!”
o “Circus of the Stars” was a series of specials (about 19 or so, running from 1977 to the early ‘90s) featuring various stars (and the term was usually rather loosely applied) performing, well, circus acts. This may strike one as odd, but in an era where we’ll watch Jose Canseco living in a house with Omarosa and Bronson Pinchot, it seems downright wholesome.
• “I’d rather spend a weekend in Robert Bork’s underpants than watch more of this!”
o Robert Bork (1927--) is a heavyset former judge who became famous as the Solicitor General during the Nixon Administration when he was promoted to acting Attorney General by the President in order to fire special prosecutor Archibald Cox after the two men ranking above him resigned rather than fire Cox (in fairness to Bork, he was persuaded to stay by one of those superiors, Elliott Richardson). Bork was later nominated for the Supreme Court in 1987 by Ronald Reagan, but his nomination was bitterly fought by those who were leery of his conservative viewpoints. After fractious hearings, Bork was defeated by a 58 to 42 vote.
• “It’s still going much better than the Bay of Pigs invasion.”
o The Bay of Pigs invasion was a failed attempt to overthrow the Communist government of Cuba under Fidel Castro in 1961. The plan, which had been formed under the Eisenhower administration, was given the green light by President Kennedy: it involved sending in Cuban exiles as a sort of guerrilla force, hoping they could trigger a revolution and overthrow Castro. On April 17, the force landed at the so-called “Bay of Pigs” in Cuba; they were soon defeated when they found no support from the population and received no American air support. The whole thing was a huge black eye for the Kennedy administration.
• “Jim Backus is the god of wine, right?”
o Bacchus is indeed the Greek god of wine, although he is also known as Dinoysus. He is typically portrayed as a handsome partier that is frequently intoxicated (the term bacchanalia has gone down in culture to mean wild, frequently out of control celebrations).
• “This Tom Clancy novel really loses something in the film version.”
o Tom Clancy (1947--) is a best-selling novelist whose works are generally political thrillers filled with technical details and behind-the-scenes-style accuracy, mostly featuring characters government agents Jack Ryan and John Clark. While the various film versions of his books have been successful, they have been debated by fans because of the frequent changes to the novels’ plots: they consist of The Hunt for Red October (1990), Patriot Games (1992), Clear and Present Danger (1994), and The Sum of All Fears (2002).
• “Lovey!”
o Yet another reference to “Gilligan’s Island.” In this case, Jim Backus, who played the millionaire Thurston Howell III was married to a woman named Lovey, who was played by Natalie Schafer, which sets up the next joke pretty smoothly.
• “In the name of Natalie Schafer, you’re all under arrest!”
o Natalie Schafer (1900-1991) was an actress who usually played society women or matrons. As said above, she achieved her biggest level of fame by playing charming millionaire’s wife Eunice Wentworth “Lovey” Howell on the show “Gilligan’s Island” and its various follow-ups.
• “The Apollo astronauts!”
o The Apollo program ran from 1961 to 1972 and was a series of spaceflight missions using the Apollo spacecraft. The main goal of the program was to put a man on a moon, which happened with the launching of Apollo 11 in 1969. Other notable Apollo flights include Apollo 8 (orbit around the moon) and Apollo 13 (canceled landing due to exploding tank).
• “Miss Jane Pittman in Striking Distance.”
o Miss Jane Pittman is a fictional character from the book The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman (1971) by Ernest J. Gaines. The book presents an interview with Miss Jane, who is 110 years old and has been part of every important event in black history.
o Striking Distance (1993) is a movie featuring a maverick cop (Bruce Willis) who bucks his superiors and ends up in a case featuring a serial killer. The cast is an impressive collection of television stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Dennis Farina, Robert Pastorelli, John Mahoney, and Andre Braugher.
• “Oh, an Orrin Thompson home.”
o Orrin Thompson Homes was a company founded in 1946 by Mr. Thompson to provide quality, affordable housing for the Minnesota area. It was absorbed by the U.S. Homes Corporation in 1971.
• “Jimbo, I’ll be your man, Jimbo.”
o Is this a reference to anything?
• “The Five Mrs. Buchanans on a rampage!”
o “The 5 Mrs. Buchanans” (1994-95) was a short-lived sitcom about four disparate women that had married the four sons of a domineering matriarch and thus (ta-da!) became the Five Mrs. Buchanans. The five were played by familiar character types—Eileen Heckart as the mother, with Judith Ivey, Beth Broderick (Aunt Zelda on “Sabrina”), Harriet Harris (Bebe on “Frasier”), and Charlotte Ross as the wives.
• “My Snapple!”
o Snapple is a company that makes all-natural juices and teas and frequently sells them in glass bottles like the one seen here. The company is probably best known for printing facts about the world on their caps and for the advertisements featuring the “Snapple Lady,” Wendy Kaufman (a real employee), answering letters to the company.
• “I’m the NRA and it’s fun!”
o The NRA is the National Rifle Association, a group founded in 1871 to promote firearm education, lobby against gun control, and sponsor shooting sports. The organization is very polarizing; some regard it as a great institution, while others think it is a violent extremist group.
• “Fox Force Five.”
o “Fox Force Five” was a fictional television program mentioned in the movie Pulp Fiction (1994). In the movie, a typically oddball concoction of action/black humor from Quentin Tarentino, one of the characters, Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman), was an actress who made a failed pilot called “Fox Force Five,” which dealt with an all-female team of secret agents, each with a specialty. Mia played Raven McCoy, a knife specialist; the others were a blonde one (photographic memory), a Japanese one (kung fu), a black one (demolition), and a French one (sex). These throwaway lines served as the inspiration for Tarentino’s later Kill Bill series (2003/04), which featured a team of five professional killers (although the French one was changed into an American man).
• “Marjoe Gortner?”
o Marjoe Gortner (1944--) was the youngest ordained minister in the United States (at age 4). After several years of preaching and evangelizing across the country, he abandoned the practice at age 17 and became a vehement critic of the “fakes” in the evangelical/healing movement. He became an actor and appeared in several films of mostly dubious quality, most notably playing a psycho in the movie Earthquake (1974). His documentary Marjoe (1972) about his old life won an Oscar.
• “Well, the oil embargo is gonna affect his shirt supply.”
o This is a reference to a 1973 incident in which the Arab members of OPEC announced they would no longer sell petroleum to nations supporting Israel, including the United States. The price of gas in the U.S. skyrocketed and several attempts to ease the problem are still in use today, such as the 55 M.P.H. speed limit and year-long Daylights Saving Time. Taking inflation into account, this period of time (it lasted until early 1974) featured the highest gas prices in U.S. history, although we’re almost getting there (prices would be about $3.00 today).
• “Hey, Cheech, man!”
o Another reference to Cheech and Chong. See above.
• “She beat me up in her Chevy van and that’s all right with me.”
o This is a parody of the 1975 song “Chevy Van” by one-hit wonder Sammy Johns. The song about a one-night stand in a Chevy van has the refrain “We made love in my Chevy van and that’s all right with me.”
• “Pusher man!” “Cookie man!”
o Thanks to Randomia. In the mid ‘90s, Snackwell’s produced a series of commercials advertising their cookie products. The commercials featured a balding fellow known only as “Cookie Man” (who worked for Snackwell’s, if I can remember right) assaulted by women desperate to obtain Snackwell’s cookies. Specifically, there was an African-American woman who would always call out “Cookie man!” like in the movie.
• “This is a tough fourth step.”
o This is a parody of the famous Twelve-Step program designed by Alcoholics Anonymous in order to help people escape alcoholic dependency. In real life, the fourth step is “make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
• “These are my Chess King pants!”
o Chess King was an apparel retail chain, part of the Melville Corporation. I have never seen one and don’t know much about them (are they even still around?). They seemed to sell a lot of sweatshirts and jeans.
• “It’s Dworkin Fest ’78!”
o As readers of Political Musings are very aware of, Andrea Dworkin (1946-2005) was a feminist writer and activist. She was a controversial figure for her hardline views on sexuality (she is frequently incorrectly attributed to saying “all sex is rape,” but she did say “penetrative intercourse is, by its nature, violent”). She crusaded against pornography and other things she felt demeaned women, although some have criticized her for going too far and showing misandry (hating men).
• “It’s a wanton, unauthorized bris!”
o A bris is a religious ceremony performed on Jewish boys featuring the circumcision ritual. This is a very public event featuring family, friends, and a meal. The circumcision is performed by a “mohel.”
• “Where the buoys are!”
o This is a parody of the pop song “Where the Boys Are,” introduced by Connie Francis in 1960. Francis’ signature song, the tune also inspired a 1961 movie of the same name, about college girls heading to Fort Lauderdale for spring break (Francis played one of the girls). The movie was later updated for an even worse 1984 version.
• “You wanna tell the Boss that?” “Springsteen?”
o Bruce Springsteen (1949--) is a rock and roll legend whose songs typically are about the common person’s struggles. His most famous albums are Born to Run (1975) and Born in the U.S.A. (1984), both of which were very commercially successful. His fans nicknamed him “The Boss,” which he eventually grudgingly accepted as a moniker.
• “You know what this scene needs? Eddie Deezen.”
o Eddie Deezen (1958—) is a character actor who usually plays nerd roles, most notably Eugene in Grease (1978). He also has popped up in WarGames (1983) and in the also-MSTed Laserblast (1978). Deezen does cartoon voices as well, such as Mandark on “Dexter’s Laboratory” and Pop in the Rice Krispies commercials.
• “Finally, somebody Jim Varney can feel superior to.”
o Jim Varney (1949-2000) was an actor best known for playing hyper hillbilly Ernest P. Worrell in various commercials and films (see above). Varney’s other work included playing Jed Clampett in the film version of The Beverly Hillbillies (1993) and the voice of Slinky Dog in the Toy Story series of films.
• “Sandy Hackett, everyone!”
o Sandy Hackett (1956--) is the son of Buddy Hackett (see above) and is also a comedian/actor. He has done a few film appearances, including both Hot Dog: The Movie (1984) and Hamburger: The Motion Picture (1986), as well as some independent movies.
• “That doesn’t do it to me the same way as a similar scene in The Violent Years.” “The director didn’t have Ed Wood’s passion.”
o The Violent Years (1956) was a bad movie that was previously MSTed about twelve episodes before Angels Revenge. The film deals with a female gang of teenage criminals and was written (not directed) by Ed Wood Jr. (1924-1978), the demented genius behind numerous bad movies, most notably Plan 9 From Outer Space (1956) and Glen or Glenda? (1953), neither of which were MSTed. Besides The Violent Years, Bride of the Monster (1955) and The Sinister Urge (1960) were Wood films that got the MST3K treatment.
• “Robert Reich is sailing.”
o This is a pretty funny joke. Robert Reich (1946--) was the Secretary of Labor during most of the Clinton Administration (1993-1997). Reich was a longtime friend of Clinton, but became estranged with him as the President became more and more interested in being perceived as centrist rather than liberal. The joke refers to the fact that Reich has Fairbanks disease and is less than five feet tall.
• “This is your brain on sex. Any questions?”
o This is a reference to a famous anti-drug commercial first produced back in 1987 by Partnership for a Drug-Free America. The commercial showed an egg and intoned “This is your brain.” It then showed the egg slowly frying away and said “This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?” The simple commercial was wildly talked about, but there was some debate as to how successful it actually was in deterring drug use among kids. I have also heard that many younger kids thought that eggs had a connection to drugs as a result of the commercial.
• “Oil can! Oil can!”
o This is a reference to The Wizard of Oz (1939), the classic family movie about Dorothy in the magical land of Oz. In one scene, Dorothy (Judy Garland) and the Scarecrow (Ray Bolger) come across the Tin Man (Jack Haley), who is in dire need of oil to loosen himself. He mutters “Oil can! Oil can!” through his closed mouth which is barely understandable, much like the idiot tied up here.
• “I still like this better than The Blue Lagoon.”
o The Blue Lagoon (1980) was a romance movie starring Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins as two young people who end up shipwrecked on an island and grow up together…and fall in love. Randal Kleiser directed. The movie was based on a novel by Henry De Vere Stacpoole, which had previously been filmed in 1949. The movie was controversial for having nudity; one critic sniped it was a few levels off from being kiddie porn.
• “C&H: Cocaine Sugar.”
o This is a parody of the sugar company C&H: Pure Cane Sugar. C&H stand for “California and Hawaii,” which is where the company started in 1906. The company now serves a vast sugar market, processing over 700 thousand tons of cane sugar a year.
• “It’s the Muriel Hemingway Boatlift.”
o The Mariel boatlift was a 1980 mass exodus of refugees fleeing Castro’s reign in Cuba to find sanctuary in the United States. Many were poor people seeking a better life, while others were violent convicts. There were about 127,000 in all (27 died). The name came from the fact that they left Mariel Harbour in Cuba.
o Muriel Hemingway (1961--) is the granddaughter of the famous author Ernest Hemingway and is an actress. Her career has been kind of spotty—she had an early success as a teenager (earning an Oscar nomination) in Woody Allen’s Manhattan (1979). After a series of unsuccessful or lousy films, she moved to television (including her own show, “Civil Wars”), and has contented herself with TV-movies in recent years.
• “The survivors of the Achille Lauro have made it around the buoy, but the survivors of the Titanic…”
o The Achille Lauro was a passenger liner run by an Italian company. In 1985, four members of the Palestinian Liberation Front hijacked the liner and killed a Jewish passenger. The hijackers eventually left the ship after their negotiations failed and they were soon arrested. The ship later caught fire and sank in 1994, but everyone managed to make it off. I’m not sure if I’m hearing this joke right because only person was killed on this ship.
o The Titanic, of course, was a famous superliner dubbed “unsinkable” until it sank on its maiden voyage in 1912 when it smashed into an iceberg. More than 1,500 people were killed when this ship sank. The sinking has become embedded in American culture, especially thanks to the very popular film Titanic (1997).
• “They wanted Bob Denver for this role.”
o Bob Denver (1935--) is an actor, best known for his various roles as good-natured if somewhat dense sidekicks, such as beatnik Maynard G. Krebs on “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis” or most famously, as first mate Gilligan on “Gilligan’s Island.” On that show, Denver wore a white hat as Gilligan similar to the one seen here.
• “Meanwhile, Richard Nixon is wasting millions on the Glomar Explorer.”
o The Glomar Explorer was sort of a failure for the administration of Richard Nixon (1913-1994). In 1972, the Glomar Explorer was a large ship launched as part of an elaborate CIA operation. The CIA hoped to use the ship to dredge up a sunken Soviet submarine; they recruited billionaire Howard Hughes as their cover story—Hughes said he owned the ship and it was extracting manganese from the ocean floor. In 1974, the Glomar Explorer managed to bring up half the sub, although many of the sought after items were lost when the other half broke off. The next year, the cover story fell apart and the Explorer was mothballed. It is now used as a deep-sea drilling platform by Global Marine Drilling.
• “The commode who fell from grace with the sea.”
o I think this is what is being said. If so, this is a reference to the movie The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea (1976), which is based on a novel by Yukio Mishima and directed by Lewis John Carlino. A controversial film for its explicit (and weird) material, the movie is about a widow (Sylvia Miles) who gets involved with a sailor (Kris Kristofferson), which disturbs her young, somewhat odd son (Jonathan Kahn), who plots with his somewhat fascist buddies to take revenge. As one reviewer called it, it’s Lord of the Flies meets Playboy.
• “Quick, pretend you’re Shawn Phillips!”
o Shawn Phillips (1943--) is a musician who mainly produces love songs and sonic landscapes, which earned him a cult following but not commercial success. His songs include “Man Hole Covered Wagon” and “The Ballad of Casey Deiss.” Phillips has very, very long hair.
• “Jane Campion’s The Piano School.”
o Jane Campion (1954--) is a New Zealand film director whose movies typically deal with repressed or oppressed women; the most successful were An Angel at My Table (1990) and The Piano (1993), of which the joke is a reference to. This latter film is about a mute female pianist and won Campion an Oscar for Best Screenplay (as well as awards for performers Holly Hunter and Anna Paquin).
• “Yummy yummy I digga digga bowlful.”
o Tom is singing the lyrics to the song used in commercials for Puffa Puffa Rice cereal in 1969 and 1970. The ad featured Polynesian-type natives singing in “native style” an anthem to the cereal. It’s one of those “cute, but incredibly not PC” things that could never be aired today.
• “This is straight from The Bradys in Hawaii.”
o The Bradys in Hawaii is the name used to refer to a three-part series of episodes that began the fourth season of the sitcom “The Brady Bunch” (1969-1974) in 1972. You know the show, right? Mom with three daughters marries dad with three sons—hilarity ensues. This arc (frequently shown together on television) features the Bradys vacationing in Hawaii and getting involved with a magical idol and Vincent Price as a sneaky professor. For the record, the episodes are named “Hawaii Bound,” “Pass the Tabu,” and “The Tiki Caves.”
• “‘The Mommies’: an action-packed adventure.”
o Wow: another reference to a failed sitcom. “The Mommies” (1993-95) was about two suburban mothers (Marilyn Kentz and Caryl Kristensen, who had done a standup comedy act about the topic), dealing with their various families. Of some interest is that Julia Duffy and Peter Scolari (who were married on “Newhart”) were eventually added to the cast as next door neighbors.
• “D-Cone Day.”
o An obvious parody of D-Day, which is a general term used to denote the day a military attack will be launched. The most famous was on June 6, 1944, when Allied troops staged a massive landing at Normandy, France, during World War II, which began the European counter-offensive that ultimately defeated the Germans.
• “I’m sure Gidget’s tied up in this somehow.”
o Gidget is a cheerful California teenager in a series of movies and a television program. She first appeared in the movie Gidget (1959), where she was played by Sandra Dee (actually, this was based on a book by Frederick Kohner about his daughter). This was followed by two inane sequels sans Dee as well as a self-titled TV series that ran from 1965 to 1966, featuring Sally Field in her first major role as the main character. She later reappeared in “The New Gidget” (1986-88) in which she was played by Caryn Richman and was in her ‘20s and married.
• “Mrs. Paul and Long John Silver in a battle to the death!”
o Mrs. Paul is a company that produces frozen seafood (like crab cakes, fishsticks, etc.); the company was started in 1946 by Edward J. Piszek (the name came from Piszek’s partner, John Paul). It’s currently owned the Pinnacle Foods Group.
o Long John Silver’s is a seafood restaurant that sells “fish and chips.” It is named after the fictional pirate Long John Silver from the book Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. The company began in 1969 and was bought out in 1998 and has gone through a number of owners since then.
• “Thank you, Nair, for making this fight possible.”
o Nair is a company that makes beauty products (mostly for hair removal purposes), like lotions, waxes, creams, and bleaches. It is part of the Church & Dwight Corporation, which sells a bunch of health products.
• “More Jackie O than Jackie Chan.”
o Jackie O is Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis (1929-1994), the glamorous wife to both President John F. Kennedy and billionaire Aristotle Onassis. A cultured, intelligent, and reserved woman, she was frequently in the public eye, both in good times and bad (the JFK assassination). Her second marriage was not a particularly warm one and she spent most of her time shopping and traveling. She died of cancer.
o Jackie Chan (1954--) is a martial artist and actor from Hong Kong. The nimble Chan achieved fame through a series of cheerfully silly kung fu movies (like the Police Story series or Twin Dragons [1991]). He eventually came to America to make more cheerfully silly action movies, such as the Rush Hour series and Shanghai Noon (2000).
• “Why it’s Max Patkin, the clown prince of baseball!”
o Max Patkin (1920-1999) was a minor league baseball pitcher who after engaging in some antics during a game while playing for an armed forces team, found his calling as the “clown prince of baseball.” With his rubbery face and corny routines, he toured many minor league baseball stadiums until he was forced to retire in the mid ‘90s.
• “Scenes cut from The Longest Day.”
o The Longest Day (1962) is a very long (180 minutes) epic movie about the invasion of Normandy. One of the standards of the genre, the movie features an all-star international cast and authentic location filming. It’s one of those kinds of movies they don’t really make anymore.
• “Right now, Benny Hill is smiling down from Heaven.”
o The rotund Benny Hill (1924-1992) was a British comedian best known for his self-titled television program that ran from 1969 to 1989 and featured numerous short sketches, mostly involving slapstick and double entendres (it could perhaps be called “tasteful vulgarity”). The joke refers to the fact that Hill filled his programs with numerous sexy women in various states of clothing (they were collectively called “Hill’s Angels”).
• “I’m Lyle Waggoner, may I help you?”
o The muscular Lyle Waggoner (1935--) was a handsome, good-natured actor best known for his television work. He was the announcer and straight man for Carol Burnett on her variety program from 1967 to 1974. He left to play Steve Trevor on the various “Wonder Woman” programs (1976-1979). Previously, he appeared in the MSTed film Catalina Caper (1967) as Creepy Girl’s boyfriend.
• “Is that a Sears 12-piece suit or is it from the Johnny Carson Collection?”
o Johnny Carson (1925-2005) was a comedian who became an icon for his hosting of “The Tonight Show” from 1962 to 1992. The slick Carson (who usually wore dapper but not too dapper suits, much like the one in this shot) entertained America with one-liners, witty interviews, and goofy skits for decades.
• “Welcome back to jail, Mr. Gotti.”
o John Gotti (1940-2002) was a mob captain who became head of the powerful Gambino family in New York City in 1985. A public figure, he was known as “The Dapper Don” for his slick look and “The Teflon Don” for being “untouchable” by the police. Gotti was ultimately busted by the FBI in 1990 and sentenced to life imprisonment two years later.
• “Jed! Jethro’s down in the cement pond!”
o This is a reference to the sitcom “The Beverly Hillbillies” (1962-1971). This cornpone comedy was about a hillbilly clan, the Clampetts, who had discovered oil, struck it rich, and moved to Beverly Hills to annoy all the rich folks. Jed (Buddy Ebsen) was the father, Jethro (Max Baer Jr.) was his nephew, and the voice being impersonated is that of Granny (Irene Ryan), Jed’s mother-in-law. The “cement pond” was what the Clampetts called their pool.
• “Peter Lawford’s got Kristy McNichol hair.”
o Peter Lawford (1923-1984) makes his appearance. The urbane Lawford got his start in films playing charmers in a series of ‘40s dramas, comedies, and musicals (most notably Good News [1947]). After he married Patricia Kennedy in 1954, he entered the circle of the famous Rat Pack and appeared in several films with his buddies, including the original version of Ocean’s Eleven (1960).
o Kristy McNichol (1962--) is an actress, who won two Emmys for playing the younger daughter, “Buddy,” on the show “Family” (1976-1980). Later, she played Richard Mulligan’s daughter on the sitcom “Empty Nest,” from 1988 to 1992; her stint on that show ended when she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She has sort of thick, brunette hair in the style sort of worn by Lawford’s character.
• “The Doberman Gang in a one-man show.”
o The Doberman Gang (1972) was a low-budget action-comedy movie about a crook using six Dobermans to pull of an elaborate bank heist. For some reason, this concept proved popular enough to inspire two sequels: The Daring Dobermans (1973) and The Amazing Dobermans (1976). All of the films were directed by Byron Chudnow.
• “It’s Englebert Humperdinck!”
o Englebert Humperdinck (1936--) is a pop singer (real name: Arnold George Dorsey) who took his stage name after the German composer. Specializing in love ballads, his best known songs include “Release Me” and “After the Lovin.’” Humperdinck hit his peak in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s and still performs today. He was born in India and has a dark complexion, making him, I guess, resemble this guy.
• BARK! “He’s telling me to kill my parents!”
o This may be a vague reference to the case of the serial killer known as “Son of Sam” (David Berkowitz), who killed six people during the late 1970’s. After being caught, Berkowitz said he received his orders to kill from his landlord named Sam Carr, who was a demon broadcasting the orders through his “evil” Labrador. Later, Berkowitz said this was a lie and he actually was a Satanist at the time.
• “Full round means death, empty round means second chance.” “And Sha la la means I love you!”
o “Sha La La (Means I Love You)” was a song by smooth-singing Barry White that he produced for his 1977 album The Man. It has sort of a Latin flourish to it symptomatic of several of the songs on this album.
• “Kind of a NRA voting procedure.” “Chuck Heston kinda vote.”
o Charlton “Chuck” Heston (1922--) is an actor, whose stolid persona was featured in many epic films such as The Ten Commandments (1956), El Cid (1961), and Ben-Hur (1959), for which he won an Academy Award. Heston was a devoted member of the National Rifle Association (see above) and was president of the group from 1998 to 2003. As president, he made an infamous speech that his guns would only be taken away from him “from my cold, dead hands.”
• “It’s a bad day at Tires Plus.”
o Tires Plus is a car care chain that sells tires and performs various automotive services. There are about 600 of these stores nationwide; for some reason, I always thought there were a few around where I live, but apparently not, according to their website.
• “Yeah! Ride! Ridin’ like the demon who drives your dreams!”
o Anyone? I assume a song.
• “How will I make it on my own?”
o This begins a funny running joke. What is being sung is the opening lyric from the theme song to “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” (1970-1977), written and performed by Sonny Curtis. The show began with Mary driving and the song in the background. The lyrics would be changed in the second season (so see below).
• “The Kronos Quartet live on this block apparently, and Bartok.”
o The Kronos Quartet is a string quartet that mainly consisted of David Harrington, John Sherba, Hank Dutt, and Joan Jeanrenaud, although all but Harrington have since left. Based out of California, the Quartet engages in a variety of musical styles and has won a Grammy for Best Chamber Music Performance.
o Bela Bartok (1881-1945) was a composer who was heavily influenced by Eastern European rhythms. While he produced traditional orchestral music (and the opera, Bluebeard’s Castle), he also did several smaller-scale piano and string quartet pieces that show off this influence (hence, the joke).
• “I’m William Katt for Samsonite.”
o William Katt (1951--) is an actor, the son of Barbara Hale, an actress from the show “Perry Mason.” Katt was most famous for playing the frizzy-haired title character on “The Greatest American Hero” (see above), but others may remember him as Carrie’s prom date from the horror movie Carrie (1976). He still acts in many films you’ve never heard of.
o Samsonite is a luggage brand that produces attractive, cheap, and sturdy suitcases and other bags. The company dates back to 1910, but the Samonsite brand was not introduced until 1941; eventually, the company changed its name to reflect the popularity of this brand.
• “HIS by Chick.”
o I don’t think I heard this right. Anyone?
• “Without tradition we would all be drug dealer on the roof!”
o I’m not exactly sure what Tom is saying, but it is a reference to a line from the Broadway musical Fiddler on the Roof (1964), which explores the life of Jewish peasants in pre-Revolutionary Russia. The patriarch of the family, Tevye, is big on tradition and says in a famous line, “Without tradition our lives would be as shaky as…as a fiddler on the roof!” The play does indeed feature a title character who has no lines (at least in the version I saw).
• “Just take a Watchtower and read it!”
o The Watchtower is a magazine produced by the Jehovah’s Witnesses, dating back to 1879. It is used to proselytize and spread information about the Witnesses’ activities. Frequently, Witnesses will go door to door to hand out copies of this magazine. They also produce another one called Awake! which I received last year on the street.
• “Did you borrow my good tie, the Countess Mara?”
o Countess Mara is a brand of extremely luxurious neckties that sell for rather large prices (about sixty dollars a pop). Begun in 1938, they have become collectors’ items for those who can afford them.
• “The whole building just lost ‘The Price is Right!’”
o This is a reference to the immensely popular game show “The Price is Right” (1972--), which is actually “The New Price is Right,” as it is an updating of an earlier ‘50s program. I’m sure you know the drill: Bob Barker, “Come on down!,” guess the actual retail price without going over, models, fabulous prizes (and new beds), and wacky pricing games. The specific joke refers to the game “Cliffhangers.” In this game, contestants have to guess the price of three objects. For every dollar they are off, a toy climber on a mountain prop moves up the mountain that number of spaces (the yodeling music accompanying the movement is a well-known aspect of the show). If the contestant is off by enough, the climber will get to the top and fall off the mountain—game over!
• “Correct All made this jump possible!”
o I think this is some health product that helps with bad bones/joints, but other than that…
• “Richard Farnsworth is out for justice!”
o Richard Farnsworth (1920-2000) was a character actor who brought his dignified, western-style presence to many movies, most notably Comes a Horseman (1979), The Natural (1984, as the assistant coach), and The Straight Story (1999, receiving a Best Actor nomination). He was also an excellent stuntman for many Hollywood films. He shot himself after being diagnosed with terminal cancer.
• “This is a lot like ‘Charlie’s Angels!’”
o See above.
• “I thought I dropped a bomb in there. Thank you, Metamucil!”
o Metamucil is a fiber laxative to help you stay natural and avoid constipation or hemorrhoids or other things you probably don’t want to hear about. The company makes several products that can also be used as dietary supplements and the like.
• Everyone starts humming the theme song to “Charlie’s Angels” at this time, which perfectly captures the somewhat addictive inanity of the program.
• “Hal Needham’s Golddiggers are off to another adventure!”
o Hal Needham (1931--) was a stuntman/filmmaker. As a stuntman, Needham worked steadily on television and film, including numerous war films, action films, and westerns. As a filmmaker, Needham’s output was mostly big-budget junk with Burt Reynolds like the Smokey and the Bandit series and the Cannonball Run series—lots of car crashes.
o The Golddiggers were a group of beautiful dancers (about ten to twelve at a time, but in total, about forty) that appeared on Dean Martin’s variety programs in the ‘60s-‘70s as dancers/eye candy. They also had a few summer replacement series and specials of their own, partnered at various times with Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly (!).
• “Hey, where’s April?” “In Paris.”
o “April in Paris” is a song written by Vernon Duke and E.Y. Harburg introduced in the 1932 show Walk a Little Faster. The song’s refrain goes “I never missed a warm embrace till April in Paris…” It has been covered by many people, including Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, and Doris Day.

Host Segment Four
• “Some say love…”
o I THINK Mike is starting to sing the opening to “Some say love it is a river,” the first lyric to the Bette Midler song “The Rose,” which she introduced in the movie of the same name in 1979, in which she played a burned-out rock star. However, there are other songs by this name, so what do I know?

Movie Act Four
• “That’s a Pick-asso, isn’t it?”
o Pablo Picasso (1881-1973) was a dynamic artist who invented the Cubist style. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, he is the most prolific painter ever (over 150,000 works). While some of his work is frustratingly abstract, others perfectly capture the chaos of his times, including the stirring Guernica about the Spanish Civil War.
• “Sinatra won’t talk to me!”
o Frank Sinatra (1915-1988) was a great singer and actor who in real life, was one of Peter Lawford’s friends. A wunderkind sensation, Sinatra skyrocketed to fame in the 1940’s with the bobbysox set, then after a career slump, matured to become an American institution, as well as a fine performer, who won an Oscar for From Here to Eternity (1953). Sinatra was a tumultuous personality who could be your best friend or your worst enemy: He eventually dissolved his friendship with Lawford, reportedly because he suspected Lawford and his one-time wife Ava Gardner of being involved together.
• “It’s not my fault JFK stayed at Crosby’s house!”
o Peter Lawford was married to Patricia Kennedy, the sister of President John F. Kennedy (1917-1963). Kennedy, who was something of a ladies man himself (like Lawford), was a friend of Frank Sinatra (see above), who was one of the President’s closest supporters. After Kennedy’s assassination, Lawford and Patricia got divorced, and the Kennedy family distanced themselves from Lawford.
o Bing Crosby (1903-1977) was one of the great singers of his time, introducing such standards as “White Christmas” and “Swinging on a Star.” He also was a fine actor, winning an Oscar for Going My Way (1944) and enlivening many films with his easygoing singing and comic talent. Crosby’s laconic presence belied a reportedly cold, simmering private persona. The joke is inspired by a good-naturedly phony “feud” between Crosby and the brash newcomer Sinatra. The two would frequently swap insults on the radio or television; the feud was cooled a tad after a Bing can stabbed a Sinatra fan…and after Sinatra’s career began to tank in the late 1940’s (although later on, Sinatra would once again surpass Bing).
• “Teacher’s pet…I want to be teacher’s pet.”
o “Teacher’s Pet” was a song written by Joe Lubin in 1956. It was recorded by Doris Day in 1958 for a movie of the same name. “Teacher’s pet…I want to be teacher’s pet” are the opening lyrics to the catchy song.
• “To me…with love.”
o I THINK this is a parody of the 1967 song “To Sir, with Love” by Lulu. The song was used as the title track for a movie of the same name featuring Sidney Poitier as a black teacher in a white inner-city school in London (hence the joke).
• “This world is awfully big and girl, this time I’m on my own…”
o Another lyric from the original theme of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” See above.
• “Each glance and every little movement I show it…”
o This is also from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” theme song, but it is from the second version that began in the show’s second season and continued until its finish (and is a little more cheery than the first).
• “Mrs. Breaking Away!”
o Breaking Away (1979) is a popular comedy-drama about a group of local boys who put together a bicycling team to compete against college kids. The film helped boost the careers of stars Dennis Quaid and Daniel Stern and also stars Dennis Christopher and Jackie Earle Haley. The movie was successful enough to receive a Best Picture nomination (and Steve Tesich’s screenplay won an Oscar) and inspired a short-lived television series the next year.
• “I’m on a cycling tour of North Cornwall.”
o This is a reference to a rather famous episode of the British comedy series “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” (1969-1974). While most of the episodes featured rapid-fire sketches and craziness with little connection, a 1972 episode, “The Cycling Tour,” was rare in that it had an overarching plotline—everything basically related to a bicycling tour done by one Mr. Pither (Michael Palin), who as he explained, was “on a cycling tour of North Cornwall.”
• “Wait here, Black Beauty!”
o Black Beauty is the equine main character of Anna Sewell’s 1877 novel of the same name. The book follows the life of the horse as it ages and goes from location to location. It is interesting in that the narrator is not a human, but the horse himself.
• “I think she loves me, so what am I…”
o I can’t hear what’s being said here very well. It could be another lyric to “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” but when I first heard it, it sounded like a slightly inverted lyric to the song “I Think I Love You” recorded by the “Partridge Family” in 1970. The song’s chorus goes “I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of?”
• “You think that’s a stunt person?” “No, it’s Marni Nixon!”
o Marni Nixon (1930--) was famous for dubbing the singing voices of many actresses in Hollywood movies, including Deborah Kerr (The King and I [1957]), Natalie Wood (West Side Story [1961]), and Audrey Hepburn (My Fair Lady [1964]). She was also a fine Broadway actress and can be seen on camera playing a nun in The Sound of Music (1965).
• “It’s the cover of a Nirvana album!”
o Nirvana was a grunge music band out of Seattle that helped to take grunge music into the mainstream, thus making the sound very popular for a while (“Smells Like Teen Spirit,” “Come As You Are”). The band is pretty polarizing and right now, I think the current trend is to sniff at the group as overrated. The reference is to their album Nevermind (1990), whose cover features a baby floating underwater.
• “They’re drowning Cousin Itt!”
o Cousin Itt is a character on the various incarnations of “The Addams Family,” the ghoulish family featured in cartoons by Charles Addams, the television show (1964-1966), and several movies. He is the cousin of the patriarch to the family, Gomez, and is basically just a four-foot hairball that talks in an unintelligible language of squeaks. Felix Silla played Itt on the show (Tony Magro doing the voice), while John Franklin donned the hair in the movies.
• “Having the headquarters on Pikes Peak is kind of a pain.”
o Pikes Peak is a very tall mountain (but not the tallest) in the Rocky Mountain region of Colorado that being on the eastern side of the mountains, serves as a very noticeable landmark. It was “discovered” in 1806 by its namesake, Zebulon Pike.
• “A lot of people say I look like Fred Miller.”
o Any idea what Fred Miller is being referenced?
• “My roscoe barked chow chow!”
o Thanks to Todd Pence for the explanation for this very obscure joke. This is based on the stories of ‘30s pulp writer Robert Leslie Bellem who detailed the adventures of detective Dan Turner in reportedly more than 3000 stories. The stories are very funny in their earnest trying-to-have-hipness, although whether that was Bellem’s intention or not is unclear (like Ed Wood). Turner appeared in two films: Blackmail (1947) and The Raven Red Kiss-Off (1990). The specific joke refers to the fact that Bellem was obsessed with slang and thus guns shooting were never written that way: they were roscoes that spat, burped, coughed, or in this case, barked.
• “Baby!” “I’m a want you!”
o This is a reference to the song “Baby I’m-a Want You” produced by the soft rock group Bread in 1972. This song and “If” are probably Bread’s most remembered tunes; the group had a series of successes in the early ‘70s before personal disputes broke the band up.
• “Eat lead, Freddie Prinze!”
o Freddie Prinze (1954-1977) was a comedian and actor. Of Jewish/Puerto-Rican descent (he called himself a “Hungarican”), Prinze’s comic talent eventually earned him a show, “Chico and the Man,” in which he played Chico (1974-1977). Unfortunately, the pressures of fame drove Prinze to drugs and depression. In 1977, he shot himself in the presence of his manager; the death was ruled “accidental” because of his drug use.
• “I just remembered ‘Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman’ is on!”
o “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” (1993-1998) was a drama starring Jane Seymour as Michaela “Dr. Mike” Quinn, a doctor in the 1860’s in a small western town. The show was sort of a low-key affair that taught moral lessons like tolerance and acceptance; there are still many fans of the program today, enough to inspire two TV-movie follow-ups.
• “And Mark Spitz wins another gold medal in the jean-jacket freestyle!”
o Mark Spitz (1950--) is a swimmer. In 1972, he set a record by winning seven gold medals at the 1972 Summer Olympics in Munich (he set a world record, in fact, at each event)—four different freestyles, two butterflies, and a medley. Spitz retired at the young age of 22.
• “Now she’s having a Sherman Oaks flashback!”
o Sherman Oaks is a trendy suburb of Los Angeles, California. There are a lot of financial corporations, celebrities, and shopping malls located there. The famous “Valley Girl” mindset took shape in the Sherman Oaks Galleria (the term was popularized by musician Frank Zappa).
• “Jim Henson!” “Hi-ho!”
o Jim Henson (1936-1990) was the beloved puppeteer and creative force behind the Muppets; he helped create “Sesame Street” (1968--) and “The Muppet Show” (1976-1981). The Muppets went on to appear in many films and television specials. Henson did various other films and television specials involving puppets, including “Fraggle Rock,” The Dark Crystal (1982), and Labyrinth (1986). The bearded Henson somewhat resembled the thug. The funny voice and the “hi-ho” is an impression of his most famous character, Kermit the Frog, who sounded like that.
• “Greg Louganis goes motorcycling.”
o Greg Louganis (1960--) is one of the greatest divers of all time, having won gold medals in 1984 and 1988 (in two different contests—the 3 m and 10 m events). The homosexual Louganis attracted controversy in 1995 for admitting he had AIDS (which he apparently had since 1988). Many people felt Louganis should have announced this prior to competing because this may have put others at risk.
• “Hell’s Angels on Wheels starring Esther Williams.”
o Hell’s Angels on Wheels (1967) is a biker film directed by Richard Rush, featuring a young Jack Nicholson as a gas station attendant who joins up with Adam Roarke’s biker gang and chafes under his leadership. The film is sort of a copy of the better known The Wild Angels (1966).
o Esther Williams (1921--) is an actress who became famous for her films that showed off her swimming talent; these include Bathing Beauty (1944), Neptune’s Daughter (1949), and Million Dollar Mermaid (1952). Williams’ career was, as you might expect, rather short-lived and she faded from sight once this novelty wore off.
• “Sounds like Philip Glass.”
o Philip Glass (1937--) is a minimalist composer. His work, especially in his younger days, was very austere, simplistic, and even repetitive (reaching a height of sorts with Einstein on the Beach [1976]). Glass’ more recent stuff is more traditional and conventional, although he continues to slip in some of his old-style stuff as well.
• “What do you do? Shoot the hostage!”
o This is a quote from the movie Speed (1994). In one scene, two police detectives (Keanu Reeves and Jeff Daniels) are talking. Daniels gives Reeves a “pop quiz”: “Airport. Gunman with one hostage. He’s using her for cover; he’s almost to a plane. You’re a hundred feet away?” He asks Reeves what he would do. Reeves: “Shoot the hostage.” Reeves explains himself that wounding the hostage would take her out of the equation. Later, in the film he, in fact, has to shoot Daniels who is being used as a hostage by the villain.
• “Lady Blue!”
o Not sure what this means.
• “Kelsey Grammer was supposed to meet me here.”
o Kelsey Grammer (1955--) is an accomplished actor best known for playing the pompously loveable psychologist Dr. Frasier Crane first on “Cheers” (1984-1993) and then on his own show, “Frasier” (1993-2004). This twenty-year portrayal of one character ties a television record set by James Arness’ portrayal of Matt Dillon on “Gunsmoke.” I am not sure if the Grammer joke is a specific reference to something.
• At this point, the guys start singing a version of “La Marseillaise,” the French national anthem. The song began in 1792 as a French Revolution rallying call. The song is intensely patriotic (some would say jingoistic) and was also used to defy the German occupiers during World War II.
• “Cheryl Ladd is woefully miscast in the Wilma Rudolph Story.”
o Cheryl Ladd (1951--) is an actress best known for being one of “Charlie’s Angels” on the detective show of the same name. Ladd played Kris Munroe, who replaced Farrah Fawcett when she left the program. Ladd has since been seen in a vast bevy of television movies.
o Wilma Rudolph (1940-1994) was a sensational track and field athlete who overcame a childhood bout of polio to ultimately win three gold medals at the 1967 Summer Olympics in Rome. Rudolph was a pioneer for African-American women athletes; she later became a teacher and track coach before dying a rather young age due to brain cancer.
• “By this time, my lungs were aching for booze!”
o This is a parody of the adventure program “Sea Hunt” (1957-1961), which featured Lloyd Bridges as undersea investigator Mike Nelson (!). Each week, he would solve crimes or get into adventures underwater. A common line (although how common, I don’t really know) was “By this time, my lungs were aching for air!” said by Bridges.
• TERRY “As Lucrezia McKehoe!”
o No idea.
• KEIKO “As thank you, Mr. Eddie’s Father!”
o This is a reference to the sitcom “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father” (1969-1972), which was about a widower father (Bill Bixby) and his precocious son, Eddie (Brandon Cruz). The family had a housekeeper, Mrs. Livingston (Miyoshi Umeki), who would call the dad “Mr. Eddie’s Father.” The show is probably best remembered for its kicky theme, “Best Friend”: “People let me tell you about my best friend…”
• ELAINE “As Laraine Newman!”
o Elaine bears a resemblance to actress Laraine Newman (1952--). A comedienne, Newman is best known for being one of the original cast members on “Saturday Night Live,” appearing for the first five years (1975-1980). Disliking playing recurring characters, she lacked any easily identifiable screen persona (her best known role may be the daughter in “The Coneheads” sketches). After the show, she has made appearances on television in character roles and has contributed cartoon voices.
• MICHELLE “As Gregg Allman!”
o Gregg Allman (1947--) was a rock and blues singer, best known for working with the Allman Brothers Band in the late ’60 and early ‘70s, as well as a fine solo career of his own. His best known songs include “Midnight Rider” and “I’m No Angel.” Allman has battled various drug addictions over the years, although he is clean now. He was married to Cher for four years in the 1970’s.
• MARIA “As J. Edgar Hoover!”
o J. Edgar Hoover (1895-1972) was the hard-nosed head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation from 1924 until his death. Hoover helped to modernize the Bureau and was obsessed with subversives in the country. There are frequent allegations and rumors that Hoover was gay and possibly a cross-dresser, leading to the popular cultural joke of Hoover in drag that we’re all familiar with.
• “I think they [the ‘70s] were developed by Robert Stakewood.” “Actually, I believe they were developed by England Dan or John Ford Coley.”
o Any help with the first name? I don’t think I’m hearing it right.
o The second duo was a pleasant classic rock combination (also known as “Seals and Colley”). Dan Seals (1950--) and John Colley (1951--) hooked up in the ‘60s and eventually became England Dan and John Ford Coley. Some of their popular songs include “I’d Really Love to See You Tonight” and “Nights Are Forever Without You,” but their pop rock style faded away during the disco-flavored ‘70s.
• “Isn’t Can’t Stop the Music with the Village People tied up in the ‘70s?” “Yes, but don’t diminish the importance of Nancy Walker.”
o Can’t Stop the Music (1980) is a pseudo autobiography of the homosexual disco group the Village People, whose pulsing songs (“Macho Man,” “YMCA,” “In the Navy”) enlivened many a discothèque and are still being played today. The movie features Steve Guttenberg as a songwriter who brings the band together to play his work. The movie a Razzie Award for Best Picture that year.
o Nancy Walker (1922-1992) was a character actress best known for her television roles as the maid on “McMillan and Wife,” Rosie in the Bounty Paper Towel commercials, and Rhoda’s mother on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” and “Rhoda.” Walker, who had directed several television episodes of her shows, made her cinematic directorial debut (and swan song), for no apparent reason, with Can’t Stop the Music.
• “I know who was important in the ‘70s: the Eagles.”
o The Eagles are one of the greatest rock bands of all time. Having a sort of country-meets-California beat, many of the Eagles songs have become iconic and representative of the era, such as “Hotel California,” “Life in the Fast Lane,” “Desperado,” “Take It Easy,” and “Take It to the Limit.”
• “When I think of the ‘70s, I think of Melanie.”
o Melanie Safka or “Melanie” (1947--) is a singer who rose to prominence with ballads (that she wrote) like “Bobo’s Party,” “Beautiful People,” and most famously, “Brand New Key,” which at least according to Melanie, is not an obvious metaphor for sex. She still records and tours today, often with her son, Beau.
• “I was going to say Melanie Chartoff. ‘Fridays’ spoke to a whole new generation.”
o Melanie Chartoff (1948--) is an actress who got her start as one of the featured cast members on “Fridays” (see below). She has since become a talented vocal performer, most notably doing several of the “mom” voices on “Rugrats.” I remember her also for playing the principal on the quirkily likeable show “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.”
o “Fridays” (1980-1982) was a failed attempt by ABC to make its own version of “Saturday Night Live”: a popular sketch comedy/variety series. The program was also live and featured guest stars. The difference was that it didn’t succeed. Both “Seinfeld” creator Larry David and star Michael Richards appeared as regular cast members.
• “Well, you can’t talk about the ‘70s without talking about the scandal that rocked the nation.” “You mean when Abe Vigoda left ‘Barney Miller’ to star on ‘Fish’?” “I was talking about Watergate!”
o Abe Vigoda (1921--) is a character actor best known for playing crusty police detective Detective-Sergeant Fish on the sitcoms “Barney Miller” (1975-1982) and the short-lived spinoff “Fish” (1977-78). What was sort of strange is that for a while Vigoda played Fish on both programs (the latter featured Fish’s home life).
o The Watergate scandal toppled the Nixon administration. The basic gist is that on June 17, 1972, burglars were caught breaking into the Democratic National Headquarters at the Watergate Hotel. These burglars turned out to have connections to Nixon’s reelection campaign as well to people very high up in the Nixon administration. As the investigation (spearheaded by reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein) began, it was discovered that the administration had tried to cover the matter up with bribery and in fact had participated in other illegal measures. Many people in the administration had their careers damaged by this, and the President himself resigned in 1974.
• “Hey, remember when everyone had this poster except it was just one of them and it was Farrah Fawcett?”
o Farrah Fawcett (1947--) was an actress, best known for playing “the blonde one” on “Charlie’s Angels.” In the 1970’s, a poster featuring the sexy Fawcett in a red swimsuit became a hot seller. After the program, Fawcett won praise for the TV-movie The Burning Bed (1984), but has attracted more attention since for her personal life, which has featured a divorce from Lee Majors and an on-again, off-again, abusive relationship with Ryan O’Neal. Fawcett has a reality program called “Chasing Farrah” (2005--) on TV Land.
• “Where was Bruce Jenner in this movie?”
o Bruce Jenner (1949--) is a track athlete and actor. In the 1976 Summer Olympics, Jenner won a gold medal in the decathlon. After retiring from sports, Jenner became an actor of sorts, appearing in Can’t Stop the Music (1980, see above) as one of Steve Guttenberg’s friends, as well as one of the police officers on “CHiPs.”
• As they leave the theater, the guys sing “Boogie Oogie Ooogie,” a hit song from 1978 by the disco group A Taste of Honey. The song went platinum and helped win the group a Grammy Award for Best New Group, but they out to basically be a one-hit wonder.

Host Segment Five
• “Hey, shame-o-meter! Ba-ba!”
o This is a parody of a song called “Mahna Mahna,” which is best remembered for its use on the first episode of “The Muppet Show” (although it was also done on “The Ed Sullivan Show,” “Sesame Street” and the basic sound is from a Swedish film called Sweden Heaven and Hell [1969]). The song is hard to describe (basically, it’s just chanting “mahna mahna” and then “doo doo doo”). It is very insidious.
• “We’ve decided to dress as Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King.”
o Bobby Riggs (1918-1995) was a tennis player who achieved prominence in the late ‘30s and by 1939, was ranked best player in the world. He won several other competitions, both pro and amateur, but retired quickly. He then became something of a tennis hustler/promoter, engaging in many exhibition matches and frequently betting on himself. At age 55, he challenged Margaret Smith Court to a match, saying that even at his age he could beat a female player. After he did just that, this set up the famous Battle of the Sexes which pitted Riggs against Billie Jean King…
o Billie Jean King (1943--) was an aggressive player who was first ranked number one in 1966. She pushed hard to break down the elitist forces in tennis to accept women on an equal level. King accepted a large amount of money to play Riggs on September 20, 1973, in the Houston Astrodome. The much hoopla-ed contest turned out to be a drubbing, as King beat Riggs quite easily. It has since gone down in history as a milestone in the women’s lib movement, although it’s somewhat overblown, in my opinion. Riggs was not so much a chauvinist as a blowhard eager to make money and promote the game, and King defeating Riggs may have been satisfying, but beating a 55-year-old man is not exactly a blow for women’s rights. King retired from tennis in 1973.

• “On and onnnn!”
o What is this a lyric to?

"Down in Jamaica, they've got lots of pretty women/Steal your money as they break your heart."

"On and on/She just keeps on trying/And she smiles when she feels like crying/On and on/On and on/On and on".

It's Stephen Bishop's one really big hit: "On And On". One of my all-time favorite songs.

o Don Kirshner (1934--) is a songwriter and rock producer. He helped launch the careers of Bobby Darin, Carole King, and created such bands as the Monkees...

Not quite. Kirshner was the musical director for the Monkees for their first two albums. He was fired when band member Mike Nesmith spearheaded a movement for the group to have control over their music. The Monkees were created by Bert Schneider and Bob Rafelson.

Incidentally, in the '70s, Kirshner created his own record label, Kirshner Records. Its biggest star was the prog-rock band, Kansas.

• “I think they [the ‘70s] were developed by Robert Stakewood.” “Actually, I believe they were developed by England Dan or John Ford Coley.”
o Any help with the first name? I don’t think I’m hearing it right.

I'd guess (without having heard it) that they were saying, "Robert Stigwood. Stigwood was the Bee Gees' manager (IIRC) and creator of the Brothers Gibbs' record label, RSO Records (for which Eric Clapton recorded some albums, too). He was also a producer of some movie musicals like Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Tommy and Saturday Night Fever.

• “Hey, shame-o-meter! Ba-ba!”
o This is a parody of a song called “Mahna Mahna,” which is best remembered for its use on the first episode of “The Muppet Show” (although it was also done on “The Ed Sullivan Show,” “Sesame Street” and the basic sound is from a Swedish film called Sweden Heaven and Hell [1969]). The song is hard to describe (basically, it’s just chanting “mahna mahna” and then “doo doo doo”). It is very insidious.

"Mah Na Mah Na" was a lounge hit for Piero Umiliani (it's the version I'm most familiar with). The song's been most recently used in a Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper commercial that takes place in a restaraunt.

“Dear Ranger Rick Forum…”

The second part of the line, about being a forest ranger in a small Midwestern town, is a reference to Penthouse Forum, a section in Penthouse magazine in which people write in to brag about their sexual conquests. The joke is, if Ranger Rick had a section like Penthouse Forum, guys like that guard would brag about what that tussle looks like.

Anybody help me out with the tune being hummed here?

Assuming this is being hummed along with the bombastic drums during the commando raid, it's Bolero by Maurice Ravel. The drums here sound a bit like the drum part from Bolero.

“Not the self styling adorned!”

Adorn is a brand of hairspray. The joke is Maria's can of mace looks like hairspray.

What’s the song hummed here?

If this is at being hummed during the Centerville, Wisconsin joke, it's Little Spanish Flea, the song that acted as the theme to The Dating Game.

“It’s the Muriel Hemingway Boatlift.”

This is actually "The Mariel Hemingway Boatlift." Otherwise, the description is fine.

“Jane Campion’s The Piano School.”

Actually, the line is "Jane Campion's The Piano Stool." The object the drugs are in looks like a stool, and the shots of the misty beach look like their from The Piano.

“D-Cone Day.”

The line is "D-cup Day." It's another reference to Normandy, and to how this is a dumb T and A movie.

“Yeah! Ride! Ridin’ like the demon who drives your dreams!”

This is a line from the theme to Hardcastle and McCormick, a TV series from the 80's. It starred Brian Keith and Daniel Hugh Kelly as a retired judge and an ex-racecar driver (respectively) who solve crimes, and ride around in a sportscar.

“HIS by Chick.”

Chic was a brand of jeans for women from the 70's and 80's. HIS was a line of men's jeans they put out at one point.

“Without tradition we would all be drug dealer on the roof!”

Obviously, the joke is that their drug dealers and their on a roof.

“The whole building just lost ‘The Price is Right!’”

Actually, the joke has more to do with Sticks pulling out the TV antenna as he falls. It took out the TV reception for the whole building, and they think this building is inhabited by people who would watch The Price is Right at this time of day.

“It’s not my fault JFK stayed at Crosby’s house!”

This is in reference to a story about JFK vacationing at Bing Crosby's house instead of Frank Sinatra's. He was very disappointed when Kennedy changed his plans, and Sinatra shot the messenger, breaking his ties to Lawford. Lawford's career never recovered from that, and he was reduced to appearing in pictures like this.

“Eat lead, Freddie Prinze!”

The line is actually "Eat lead, friend of friends." It's a reference to the line the thug says right before he's shot, which is something like "you die, pal."

“Kelsey Grammer was supposed to meet me here.”

This is a reference to Kelsey Grammer's preference for dating young blondes. Not as young as the teenager seen here, but definitely younger than himself.

Thanks for the corrections and information. I'm going by VHS copies, so sometimes the sound isn't the greatest.

• “Correct All made this jump possible!”
o I think this is some health product that helps with bad bones/joints, but other than that...

This may be referring to a laxative product called Correctol.

• “Lady Blue!”
o Not sure what this means.

This probably refers to a 1985-86 TV series starring Jamie Rose as a female cop.