(Rock Hudson’s name comes up on screen)
“Are they calling that rock ‘Hudson,’ or am I misunderstanding this movie and the way words work?”

(The title comes up on screen)
“Spoiler! Jeez!”

(Caroline gets out of the cab wearing a woolly hat)
“Mia Farrow is Mike Nesmith!”

Bruce: “I ski like I breathe or talk or make love.”
Crow: “Unconvincingly?”

David: “It’s terrific to see the two of you.”
(as David): “And I’m not forgetting you, Danny from the last movie.”

David: “We used to lie around on Houston Street and talk about ...”
Jonah (singing): “... pop music.”

“You can’t use a giant rectal thermometer as a wall decoration!”

(David repeatedly stammers his lines)
“Was there a writers’ strike in ’78?”

“Who’s this guy? It’s becoming like a Marvel movie in here.”

“Way to win her back, Duke Yellington.”

(as David) “I’m so mad, I’m barely in focus!”

“I like that [Rock Hudson’s] kissing style is to shove the entire woman in his mouth.”

Caroline: “David is staring at me.”
(as Caroline): “Is my tail showing again?”

“Do you know what this movie is missing?”
“Name tags.”

Nick: “Hot chocolate? Beer?”
Caroline: “Beer, please.”
(as Nick): “No, I was offering you a hot chocolate beer.”

“You know, not that I’m complaining, but by this point Gene Hackman was already halfway through the Poseidon.”

“Boy, the Grips are really chucking that snow out there, huh? Especially the one on the right; it’s coming down in intermittent handfuls.”

Nick: “Can I give you a big hug?”
(as Nick): “I like you and I think you like me, so don’t you think it’s time we gently pat each other on the head?”

“New World Pictures presents Flag-alanche!”

[I loved how the Bots used drones to cover the woman’s naked bits!]

[I hope Neil Patrick Harris worked for cheap and didn’t take up too much of Kickstarter’s funds, but it was nice to hear him and Felicia duetting again.]

“Can I borrow the bowl you used to cut your hair?”

“Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Plane-alanche!”

“I didn’t know snow was so combustible.”
“It isn’t, but Styrofoam is.”

(The avalanche crashes into the lodge. Two of the guests run for cover under the stairs)
“Save us, Harry Potter!”

(David takes someone’s pulse)
(as David) “I think your Fitbit is broken.”

“Here comes the fire department to put the avalanche out!”
“Yeah, that would actually work if they used hot water.”

“Try to avoid those giant boulders of snow that keep getting tossed by the breeze!”

“So many characters! It’s like the third season of Lost.”

(David and Phil dynamite their way into the lodge)
(as David): “Great, now let’s look for everyone’s chunks!”

(McDade throws himself on top of Florence to protect her from the explosion)
(as McDade): “Well, I can cross ‘power-slamming an elderly woman’ off my Bucket List.”

(as rescuer) “He looks okay to pick up. You grab the ankles; I’ll get the hair.”

(Close-up of a yellow flashing light on top of a fire truck)
“Oh, it’s commercial sign!”

(The ambulance falls into the ravine)
Jonah: “There’s a chance that Florence could survive that fall.”
Gypsy: “Unfortunately, there’s so much alcohol in her body, she’s basically a human explosive.”
(The ambulance explodes.)
Crow: “Yep, there she goes.”
Tom: “Even the fire smells like gin.”

(Caroline dangles over the ravine)
“This is when weighing the same amount as a basket of ducklings really works for Mia’s advantage.”

(David climbs down and reaches Caroline)
(as Caroline): “Try and kiss me and I will drop us both into your mother’s remains.”

Caroline: “My God, look at this place.”
(as Nick): “You look at it. I’m bitter.”

“Try to look on the bright side: it’ll be the eighties soon.”

(as Caroline): “I’m being sarcastic but you can’t tell because my face is immobile.”

David: “I caused all this.”
(as David): “And I forgot to put the seat down.”

“Dear TripAdvisor: Too much snow. Did not appreciate avalanche. Service staff was all dead. Cannot recommend.”
“Dear TripAdvisor: Tried to get room service. Chef said kitchen was on fire. Not the kind of service I’m accustomed to.”
“Dear TripAdvisor: Man at disco only knew one song. Probably nice for singles but not for families who want to keep their children alive.”
“Dear TripAdvisor: Vending machine only had Cheez-Its. Chairlift electrocution ride not nearly as fun as advertised.”
“Dear TripAdvisor: Found cheerleader in my salad. Wait staff refused to help. One out of five stars.”
“Dear TripAdvisor: Spent a magical weekend with the owner’s mother. She’s a bright, sassy lady. Seemed to think we were in Hawaii. Surprisingly good on keyboard. Died in a horrible accident. Three stars.”