[I loved Tom as BB8!!]

Tom (singing to the movie’s opening theme): “Star Wars / This isn’t Star Wars / Even with Plummer / It’s not even close.”

(Akton sees spaceships on the screen)
(as Akton): “Woah! Battlestar is on!”

Stella: “Go for hyperspace!”
(as Akton): “You go for hyperspace. I’m bitter.”

“Filmed over the weekend at Rick’s parents’ house.”

“So the building exploded so hard that it’s daytime now.”

(During Jonah and the Bots’ song)
“On the Kessel Run, yeah, nobody can touch her.
Let me be the Picard to your Beverly Crusher.”

Thor: “You can drop the rifle ray.”
(as Stella): “My name’s not Ray, it’s Stella.”

Emperor: “They have informed us ...”
(as Emperor): “... I’m paid by the pause.”

[What was Christopher Plummer thinking, signing up for this dren?! Did he have huge gambling debts or something?! Also I’ve read that John Barry wasn’t actually allowed to see the movie while he did the score, presumably because they feared that he would run screaming!]

Emperor: “A weapon so huge that it would take a whole planet to conceal it.”
(as Emperor): “You’ve obviously never heard of that before, huh?”

(The Emperor pauses mid-sentence for even longer than usual)
Tom: “Come on, Christopher, you can make it. Think of the hospitality suite!”

Emperor: “He was my only son.”
(as Stella): “Are you his only dad?”

(The Emperor’s holo-image fades out)
Tom (singing): “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.”

“Join Akton, Stella, Thor and Elle on next week’s rousing space saga ’Nothing Ever Happens’!”

Elle: “We are in the evil Count’s domain.”
Jonah: “Sesame Street?”

“That’s the thing about this movie – it’s not afraid to take its time to aggravate you.”

(On the beach, Stella falls over for no obvious reason)
(as Stella): “Oh no, I tripped on a sand!”

Stella: “What’s [the planet] like?”
Akton: “Red fogs, high winds, low gravity.”
(as Stella): “Oh, it’s like Delaware.”
Akton: “However, the entire planet is covered with ice and snow.”
Crow: “Like Delaware.”
Akton: “And you must be extremely careful when the sun sets. The temperature drops thousands of degrees and in an instant everything freezes over.”
Jonah and the Bots: “Like Delaware!”
[Seriously, thousands of degrees?! How hot is this ice and snow-covered planet to start with?!]

(as Morgan Freeman) “Once again the penguins return to their spaceship, a crude knock-off of the Millennium Falcon.”

Stella: “Elle, how much further?”
Elle: “We should be close. Just a few more radions.”
(as Elle): “Yeah, radions. You know: ten radios make a radion, ten radions make a radius – which means we’re probably walkin’ in a circle!”

(Elle’s hand pushes through the snow he’s covered with)
“Walt Disney?”

“Wow, it’s like even the landscape realised what movie it was in and stopped trying.”

“There’s the Elle we haven’t grown to love.”

(as Elle) “Hey, Stella, are we far enough in the future that we can make Bill Cosby jokes again?”

(Stella looks intense)
(as Stella) “I’m filling my stillsuit.”

“I never thought that a robot shooting lasers at a caveman could be this boring!”

(Simon fights with the cavemen)
“Actual footage of David Hasselhoff at Comic-Con.”

(as Akton, wielding an obvious rip-off of a light sabre): “Thank God for my completely original weapon, the illumination sword!”

Akton: “There’s no need to continue.”
(as Akton): “ ... ’cause the budget just ran out.”

Akton: “Here’s the nerve centre of the entire operation.”
(as Akton): “They call it a Genius Bar.”

“Hey, his light sabre was blue before! Movie, you were so close to being flawless.”

“Real room-crossing action!”

Stella (to Akton): “You’re the only human-like friend I’ve ever had.”
(as Simon): “Uh, I can be human-like!”

Akton: “I’ll live forever.”
(as Akton): “I’m just gonna go to live on a farm upstate.”

Emperor: “Now’s the time to surprise him.”
(as Emperor): “... with a spa day.”

Emperor (to a guard): “Gather together all our legions.”
Guard: “Sir!”
Crow: “Excellent read, Nathan. There are no small parts.”

Count: “By sunset ...”
Jonah: “In space?!”

The first time I watched the ship launch sequence, the litany of names they came up with had me laughing so hard, I ended up hyperventilating.

I actually saw this film before at RavenCon. The presenters referred to Elle as Darth Saunders.

As for Plummer, keep in mind that there have always been more actors than roles in Tinsel Town, and the rent don't pay itself.

An additional thought on Christopher Plummer being in this. Principal photography for this movie was in Rome. Plummer has stated that he loves visiting Rome and will sign up for any production shot there no matter how Gawdawful the movie may end up being.

Starring a pre-Knight Rider David Hasselhoff.