Curses! My plan was foled by 1 silly dog named Fluffy! I feel like a Scobby-Doo villian!

(Ccabe enters and wakes from his spell with some really bad special effects) How dare you hypontise me! Now that I spent 30 years in jail. My career as a rock musicain is ruined. I'll make you pay if it's the last thing I do!

I wonder how Ccabe could have been in jail for 27.397 years when the actor who play him is only 20.526 years old. Also, why is it named after Susan Lucci. Ccabe was inprisioned there almost 10 years before Lucci was nominated for an Oscar. How did Rechgd put him in jail 27 years ago and still be ond enough to be pregant. If she was 13 when Ccabe was locked up, wouldn't she be almost 50 now. Besides, the actress who plays Rachgd dosen't look that old.

Alright, Alright nitpicker..
Ok.. as for the rising steam cloud..
Other pilots, fly closer to my ship and I'll extend my shields around your copters. that should help.
Or, we could somehow rapidly connect our copters to the time copter, estimate how long the steam cloud will be, and go forward in time to when the cloud has risen and we will be safe.

By George, I think he's got it. Now where did that Inspector Mystery fellow go.

Good question. he might be in the good guy's chopper.. Or, he could be stuck somewhere..
Alright.. I have to protect the copters from the steam so..
pressing a button, extending the mega-shielding around the copters

is this shield protecting all of the helicopters or just your's, Tacoman? What about those who didn't consent to this plan? Did we put them into the helicopters by force? Does anyone know where we go from here?

Suddenly, a Legion Time Bubble appears on the roof of the hospital. A figure steps out with the Miracle Machine and wishes everything back to normal and James & rachgd together... NOT!!!
Nee hee hee hee heeee
Such a plot twist would put me out of a job! And it's bad enough that I have to share this thread with those other announcers.
Starting now, I'm going to really start pulling strings around here.
Nee hee hee hee heeee
For starters, Ed Jefferson is going to find himself trapped in the 1996 Doctor Who telefilm. CCabe and his evil twin will...
What the...?

The moment is dramatically right to... reveal myself!
(aside to the audience) Guys love it when I say that.

Yes, I was the mysterious figure!
(aside) And boy what a figure I have. (poses and flexes)

I was in hiding because I suspected that The Announcer was going mad and I needed to keep an eye on him without being noticed.
(aside) And with a body like mine that's quite a trick.

Confess, Announcer! You planted the bomb which blew up Hamburgermeister & Burger Boy didn't you?

Yes! They were boring. They deserved to die.
But you have made a fatal mistake my dear luscious heroine! For I am The Announcer and I can change reality by just speaking! Oh, the things I can do to y...mmmm... mmmm...
(suddenly finds himself gagged)

2. You forgot that I can become two.

1. Yes, while I distracted you I knew that I would sneak up behind you to gag and bind you.

2. I really am something aren't I?

1. (motioning to the men from R. Kam Asylum to take away The Announcer) I only hope Tacoman and the others were able to escape from that deadly cloud of steam.

Help! Help! What is with you people? As far as I have been able to follow the shenanigans of the inhabitants of this town that we will henceforth call Port Mike (or Joel?), it seems I am still being held captive by an MAES look-alike who is, in fact, a LIBYAN TERRORIST. That's right, isn't it?
So, I don't know what you, Megan et al, were going on about. I'm not even anywhere near your place of incarceration! So, fine, go ahead and get on the helicopters and fly to freedom. I'll just stay here and languish in this fake hospital room, held captive by LIBYAN TERRORISTS!!!
Will someone please come and rescue me?
James? James?

Using my psychic powers (they come in very handy sometimes) I sense that Megan is considering involvement with Darth Morgan. Beware of Darth, Megie. He is responsible for all of this, you know!
Well, him and Matthew Patterson! Has anyone managed to find him yet? I really need to wreak some revenge on that guy!
And what is with the superheroes? Start acting super already! Will you please come and get me OUT OF HERE!?!

I think I am slowly losing my grip on sanity! The walls are melting! "The Nanny" is a really great show! Hello, Mr. Space Coyote...

Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!
If Ccabe can have an evil twin (and what is up with the hypertext, kids?) than so can rachgd! If you believe in gd, you must believe in dvl!
And unlike the pathetic gd, I am not being held prisoner!
Mwahahahahahahahahahahar-di-har-harhahahaha!

The Legion time bubble? Miracle machine? aRkHAM Asylum? This is not a DC Comic, it is real life, hahhahahahhahahahahh, ummm excuse me yes real life it is HEHHEHEHEHE. My psychic link to my one true love, the Goddess known as Rachel, is sending distressing images. My god, The Nanny? She is in dire straits!!!!!!!!! Tho Mr Space Coyote maybe able to help, if he is any relation To my good friend Wile E Coyote, Super Genius.(dam n I can't spell it) Time now to use my taco powers and save my beloved!!!!!
Ummmmm, hey Tacoman, what exactly are the Taco Powers? and I am outta tomatoes,, I like tomatos on my tacos. Man, helicopter rides are worse than hospitals. OK all together now, bad guys go to Atlantic City, Good guys come with me and save the Fair Rachgd!!!!!!! Fairdinkum to all, and to all a goodnite.

The taco powers? Flying, confusing people, i dunno what else..
The plot is now getting to strange, even for me.. I've installed shielding in every copter, so I'm getting out of here for a while. Pattie, would you care to join me? Or mayhaps we can rescue the fair rachel while we're at it..

Me:Since it would bring a quick end to the show if James rescued Rachgd. Therefore, it falls to me and dad, who was dead but got better, to rescue rachgd.

Me: Mr. Terrorist, if you don't free Rachgd, I'll tell everyone that secret you won't want anyone to know.

Terrorist: What if I just kill you?

Me:Then my dad will tell everyone about the bana...

Terrorist: Alright, you can have her.

Me: So Rachgd, do you like tacos?
(fade to black)

CCET, baby, of course James & rachgd getting together would mean an end to the show. That's why you should never put a character's name, especially two character's names in the title. Look at what happened with Laverne & Shirley. The last season was just Laverne.
Anyway CCET, I was thinking that we should retool the concept for the next board. A more generic name, that way we can hype James & rachgd getting together for sweeps weeks. Less superheros, except for that Hamburger Pattie chick, she really brings in the 18 to Dead demographic. Love the science fiction angle, that'll really bring in those young geeks, and skimpier costumes on the ladies. Also I was thinking that maybe you could use your hypnotism for a more comic effect.
Let me know what you think. Have your people call my people. We'll do lunch sometime. Gonna love working with ya, CCET. Ciao.

Hmm.. with the Announcer out of the way, I can take his place!
sneaking into the Announcer Booth
YES! I can feel the power of Announcing!
Oh.. by the way, I am one of Tacoman's splits, who somehow turned evil.
Now, to wreck havok on the plot!
Meanwhile, the original Tacoman has vanished into a plothole, thus keeping him out of my hair.
Most of the helicopters escaped the steam cloud except for one carring a group of talented doctors.

A sunny beach on the the shores of Australia(I know it is winter but this is a soap yes?)
James and Rachel, Rach Goddess, have found each other and are planning a trip to Vegas, Tales of the heroic rescue and the joyful reunion are left to other storytellers. We are together again, and we are happy. Transcripts of this soap opera may be purchased for $99.95 American. Rachel is a Goddess and all worshippers should send their donations to 2500 N Rainbow #1014, Las Vegas Nv 89108, hehehhehe tax deductible? Sure why not. Tacoman is real, as are rachgd and James, all others are frigging nuts, except Megan, I like her, she actually read my posts, and sometimes responded~!!!!!! Huggs to Megan, Kisses to Rachel, manly handshake to Taco man and a Loud SEND ME ALL YOUR MONEY TO EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!
bwuhahhhahahahahhahahahahaha ty and good nite................. Fairdinkum!!!!!!!

*Bursts onto the beach scene with a machine gun and ammo strapped to his chest lke Rambo.*

Oh, no you don't! Nobody is leaving here until Rachel gives me those Taco recipes! For every minute that I don't get them, I will shoot James once. So I suggest you hand them over, fast!

A minute passes, the Libyan terrorist prepares to shoot James.

Nooo, the taco recipes will not be learned!

Leaps upon the Libyan terrorist, mauling him, getting shot several times in the process.

Run, James, run!

Stops the terrorist from going after him.

~dies~

I can't have this, either..
what I say shall be done!
James shall be sent far, far, away from Rachel.
Rachel shall be placed in a secret underground lab where she shall be examined by aliens!
Megan and the other forces of evil shall become the new gods of the realm, and Megan and Pattie shall be by my side.
And oh yes.. a new religion based on the power of Announcers shall be started, with me as the chief deity.

I am back and it looks like I might be late, however I have decided to try and save Rach from whatever neferious lurks on this board, as for that sleazy producer he is up to something I just Don't know what.

Rachel is saved, and living happily with James, everything else is Make-Believe, we enjoy our tacos
and Laugh at the smited evil-doers. May I say you look lovely tonight Rachel.

But...but...I wasn't quite turned to the dark side yet, Mr Tacoman. James and Rachel, be happy scamming money off anyone who is foolish enough to believe that Rachgd is a deity. Hey, if enough people ARE that foolish, would you mind buying me a piano? Thanks heaps (hugs to both of you).

I don't think so! *dramatic pause* I am Matthew paterson, also known as the Mysterious and Enigmatic Stranger! Yes, that's right, all that time you felt sorry for your greatest enemy! Now, I and my Libyan allies will have those taco recipes… No, I have a better idea. We'll just take Rachel and force her to make all the tacos we want! Buwahahahahahahahahaha! *Grabs Rachel and runs.*

Alright, I've had my fun...
for my last act...
Somehow, the good Tacoman has returned, a little dazed and confused, but otherwise just fine.
The Booth is now open to a more responsible Narritor and Announcer.
climbing out of the celestial Announcer's booth and disappeares

Hmm... last thing I rememebr was that I was flying into a plothole for some reason.. Is the story finished or not?
Sorry about my evil clone/twin/spilt whatever.. it is a soap opera...

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition!™

There are THREE reasons we have arrived...

1)To arrest the Libyan Terrorists
2)To take over for the absent announcer
3)To stop that rather over madeup female Megan...

4)To eat Tacoman

There are FOUR reasons we have arrived

1)To arrest the Libyan Terrorists
2)To take over for the absent announcer
3)To stop that rather over madeup female Megan
4)To eat Tacoman...

5)To Finally see james and rachgd together!

Ah DARN!

(meanwhile in a completely forgotten subplot)
Yes, I've finished rewiring the controls of my shuttle! Now I just throw this switch and...

(suddenly Fluffy stiffens up and sticks his forepaws out in front of him and begins walking like a zombie.)
Yes! I've done it! Muhahahaha! I now control Fluffy, the giant, monster poodle!

Taco Green Pepper Ranger... Warmie!
Taco Red Pepper Ranger... Aye-Yi-Yi!
Taco Brown Bean Ranger... Burp!
Taco Orange Cheese Ranger... Melt!
Taco Tan Shell Ranger... Crunch!
Taco Spicy Meat Ranger... Sizzle!
(costumes appear on teenagers)

All: Form Salsa Zord!
(giant, mechanical, two-legged Chihuahua forms. Taco Rangers leap into the air and are suddenly inside)

This will teach that giant poodle to mess with our city
(turns key)
rrrrr... rrrrrr... rrrrr...

Okay, who left the battery on all night?
We have got to get this thing tuned up more often.
I am not walking to fight that menace!
(opens window)
Can anyone give us a jump start?
We promise not to step on your car this time.

And what's wrong with too much make up? this IS a soap opera, you know. You should feel fortunate that I haven't released an album of crappy love songs on the strength of my somewhat flimsy fame, a la Thorne and Macey on B&B. As a matter of fact, maybe I will, after all...(stares into the distance)

I used to play Country & Western music as Darth Brooks.

Darth, where have you been. Don't tell me you've got a *gasp* life beyond this soap opera? Darth Brooks...now why does that name ring a bell...

So, am I being held prisoner again or what? Are James and I relaxing on a freezing cold(!) Australian beach, or has my life been imperilled once more by the forces of evil? I seem to have missed a few plot twists.
However, I shall do my best...

MAES - you are Matthew Patterson! The self-same Matthew Patterson responsible for the farcical and thouroughly befuddling state my life is in? I have given you care all of this time, and all the while it was you...
And you had my cupcake recipes! You tried to steal my tacos, didn't you? You, and CCsET (are you no longer evil, then, Ccabe?), and Burritoman (who seems to have died..again) and ScottN, back when he was under hypnosis - and now, unrepentant, you are trying to do it all over again!

They are mine, dammit! Well, mine and General Martok's. But, he lets me use them. I won't tell you why. It's a long and somewhat incredible story involving my tempestuous past. That Monok, he has tried to get control of them, but I have a feeling that if you take a blood sample from him, you might find that it moves...

So, anyway, MAES..I mean, Matthew Patterson, go ahead and shoot James once for every minute that I don't tell you the secret taco recipes...

Yes, James, can I help you? What? You don't think you mean more to me that my tacos, do you? After all, when I come to think of it, it was not KAM, it was not even Matthew Patterson who started this whole thing. It was YOU! You and your compliments!
Go right ahead and shoot, Matthew! I'm begging you!

And as for you, Darth Brooks. You sicken me. Taco Rangers, sicc him! (Man, are insurance premiums about to go through the roof here in Port Mike!)

Spanish Inquisition...do you know where I can find a good cheese shop?

Tacoman...you are just strange! Are you good, evil, dead, the announcer...what?

Hamburger Pattie, do you even know the meaning of the phrase single entendre?

And as for you, Megan....go away and study for your exam! I don't care about your flirtation with Darth Morgan! I know all about the lure of the dark side, but, really, don't you have enough problems?
Good luck, sweetie!

Back to you, Matthew...are you going to shoot James, or what?

And why did you all arrive here in helicopters? Don't tell me a catastrophic act of some nameless but vengeful deity has destroyed our fair town!
Er, isn't that what the Taco Rangers are for?

Rachel, not cheese, spam and dead parrots!
I am definitly good. I could be dead if you want me to..
And actually, in Australia, the weather would be warm in the winter months, because that's their summer..
It seems that the plot holes that formed somehow reversed the lava and everything else.. I think..
or maybe it was the time copter.. I'm kinda confused.

Actully it was my portable handheld Deux Ex Machina that I keep in my pocket for just an emergeny.given to me by Doc Brown.

I have executed all the other announcers and have decided to straighten out these plot lines.

The volcano and the giant poodle and the taco rangers were all a dream by rachgd. She was being tortured by MAES and concocted this scenerio to suppress the pain.

Meanwhile, she still needs to be rescued....

Chicks dig the long ball.

[First Commercial]
Come on to our cheese shop where we have bazooki music and lots of cheese.

Well, actually, we don't actually have any cheese, but come on in anyways...

[Second Commercial]
Would you like an argument? You would? No you wouldn't! [pause] No, you wouldn't! [pause] Look, I told you, you wouldn't! In any case, come to the Argument clinic!

So, Mr. Announcer, what about the hospital scenes?
the Taco Rangers and I come from a dimention where tacos are popular superheros, alright?
Taco Rangers, we must rescue the beautiful and aluring rachgd!

I am Zarkon, a giant holographic taco head, ancient ancestor of the Taconians. I'm here to aid the Taco Rangers in their conquest angainst evil!

rachgd, what fun are single entendres? Life is to be enjoyed, and boy do I enjoy myself.

Anyway, at the risk of being considered 'deep' and 'meaningful', you are always going to be trapped if all you do is wait for others to save you. The power of the Light Side is within you. When you realize that you have the power to save yourself and control your own destiny, then you can make your dreams come true.

And if that doesn't work, then dress in tight, skimpy outfits, use lots of double entendres, and when the guys get close to you thinking they're gonna get some, clonk 'em on the head with a pipe.

All right, we finally have some power!
Wouldn't it be grammatically correct to say, "Alright, we finally have some power!"?
Hey guys they both sound alike!

(Salsa Zord rises up and stumbles down the street crashing into buildings and stepping on cars)
Haven't you learned how to drive a stick shift?
Hey, I was taught to drive on an automatic zord.
Look out for those giant doggy droppings!

(Salsa Zord slips and falls, crushing the orphanage)
All: We've fallen and we can't get up!

Megan, it's not that I have a life outside of this soap opera, but evil plots just don't hatch themselves. From time to time I have to check in and make sure everything is falling into place.

The name is probably familar because one single of mine received a lot of airplay a few years back, "You don't get a hangover when you're drunk with power". It made it to 99 on the Top 100.

Yes, I've had many names through the centuries. Darth Brooks, Darth Board, Darth Olemew, Darth Morgan... oops!
Oh, well, Monok has already revealed himself, so there's no need to keep up that pretense. Frankly, that Klingon pinhead's plan never made much sense, but he promised to place all his men and ships under my control, so I went along with it.

I don't even know if there is a real Keith Alan Morgan or not.

lol I think some unscrupulous people have made quite a bit of money from ripping off your past incarnations, Darth. 99 on the Top 100...my, that's impressive (flutter eyelashes). But, Darth, I know that Keith Alan Morgan still exists somewhere inside of you. If you would just allow him to see the light I'm sure you could redeem yourself from eternal riches and that slow plunge to destruction. Darth, I don't care what people say..it's not too late for you. What will it take? Some evil emperor directing bolts of electricity through my body? Announcer, do your job.

Obviously, the Taco Rangers have a weakness. Hmmm... Perhaps Rachdvl could be a strong ally to eliminating the Taco Rangers.

Yoiu want me to shoot James? Fine! *James' body is riddled with bullets.* Now give me those recipes or I will sic the whole Libyan government on your @$$! Yes, that's right, I too am a Libyan terrorist! *Cue scary music. Cut to commercial.*

Gah! I will avenge my fathers death!

Tackles Matthew Patterson and proceeds to maul him like a hyena.

Thank goodness I'm back. Thanks to Sailor Q for transporting me back here. Apparently my hand held unit was sabotoged by a taco bomb. I am going to have to get it fixed. now it looks likes a new evil has risen since i have been gone and I vow inall my power to stop it.

You know, we never answered one of the early questions... Does rachgd have to pretend she's pregnant, and if so, is Ccabe's Evil Twin the father?

Excuse me, Taco Rangers, but I have some experience in piloting large, lumbering robots.
entering the Taco copter, riding it to the Zord Now, to see how I can combine with you people..
Taco Copter changes a shoulder weapon, gracefully becoming part of the Zord
Alright, now lets really get going.
Zord rises, does a little dance, flips into the air, lands gracefully, and takes a bow
how's that for driving?

I will make you pay for killing my associate, Matthew Patterson! In the name of Libya, I will punish you! DUST STORM REVOLUTION! *Burritoman jr. is sliced up by millions of high-velocity particles of sand.* We are willing to be reasonable here, Rachel. Just become an eternal slave to the king of the Libyan terrorists and make tacos for him morning, noon, and night, and we'll spare your life. If not… *a few grains of sand hit Rachel in the cheek.*

It's time to save Rachel, fellow Rangers.
Inspector, believe me when I say I didn't plant the bomb. I say this in order to help fix your device.
So, what's the body count in this opera?

So, The little rangers want to save their little friend, do they? How cute… *looks at Rachel, slaving over a stove making tacos.* Hey! Who told you you were on break! Work harder, slave! *Talks to self.* Well, I'll make sure that none of the rangers make it out alive.

That's right, Sailor Libyan Terrorist is actually Matthew Patterson! Burritoman thought he'd gotten me, but I transformed once he turned his back and made him pay for what he'd done! Muwahahahahahahahahahaha!

Don't worry old friend, I believe you when you sayit wasn't you. My keen detective senses sense your sincerity. It was some fowl neferious agent of evil who did the dirty deed. You and I must join forces once more to flush out out this neer do well. Could I be inducted into the Taco Rangers? I may have to call in the Sailor scouts for this one. Spoooooooon.

(chomping on carrot)
Hey Sailor Libyan Terrorist, James doesn't have to shoot you now.

Tacoman, honorary Taco Ranger: It is currently Winter in Australia!!! Trust me on that.

Pattie: Wow! Profound.

Darth and Megan: Get a room! (Megie, exam, remember!)

Matthew Patterson: I can't believe you shot James! Oh, James, my poor darling James! You are dead, and it is all my fault! Oh, oh, what will I do without you?
>Thinks<
No, it is alright! James is not dead! It will seem that way for a few episodes, even a few seasons, but he will return to Port Mike! (When the actor who plays him realises that there is no big screen career in the offing - or TPTB offer him more money!) There will, no doubt, be some kind of Mob connection to it, and he may be suffering from amnesia (again!) when he comes back, but we will be reunited at last!
Oh, James.

Historian: I may or may not be pregnant. Or may or may not be pretending to be pregnant. You'll just have to stay tuned.
As for whom the father may or may not be...well, I can virtually guarantee that it is not CCsET!
Or not...

You, again, Matthew "MAES" Patterson, Libyan Terrorist: Yeah, like I'd ever be caught slaving over a hot stove for you! Get a grip on reality! I have a sneaking suspicion that the person you think is me is actually....da da da dum!....my evil twin, rachdvl, plotting your destruction!

Inspector Mystery: Please stop the Taco Rangers from trying to rescue rachdvl from MMAESPSLT's clutches! She'll just get mad at them, and get one of those bigger bomb thingies. Then she'll call in the Putties! (They're soooo scary!)

Meanwhile, I am suddenly and inexplicably trapped in a cave, not at all dressed for the occasion, with only the contents of my small and stylish handbag to keep me alive! Won't someone come and rescue me?
Well, what if I ask really nicely? Please?

Holy Cow, Hamburgermeister! I thought we were dead?

We are Burger Boy, but rachgd's psychic powers have reached us on the psychic plane.
rachgd, you should be able to detect a slight breeze. Follow it to it's source and you should find the opening of the cave, but be careful, for there may be some bad guys lurking just outside to get your taco recipes.

That's right! I am SAILOR IRANIAN RADICAL!

And I am SAILOR IRAQUI MUSLIM FANATIC!

In the name of extremism, will will take your taco recipes and use them to threaten the United States! (Okay, it's not a brilliant plan, but since when were terrorists brilliant?)

Hold on Hamburgermeister.. I'm coming to rescue you! now, if I can only find out how to do it..

Great Guernsey, Hamburgermeister! Sailor Iraqui Muslim Fanatic is a fake!

That's right, Burger Boy! Since rachgd's Tacos are not made to Muslim religious standards, he couldn't eat them. Which means that he is misrepresenting himself to further erode US & Iraqi relations. Also why would an Iraqi and an Iranian be working together? I suspect that the Libyan Terrorist is a lie as well.

Hmmm... since rachgd is apparantly not pregnant with my son. I shall have to come up with a new plan. Muhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhah! I think I'll take up knitting. Muhahahahahahahahah!

I supose I could do somethink even more evil than knitting, but I'm already in my pajamas.

Crocheting?

D'oh! You figured out our secret. We're actually Russian extremists working for the CIA which is being controlled by the good people at Microsoft Corporation. Give us the tacos. Apple is irrelevant. You will be assimilated.

Alright, Taco Rangers, we need to save Rachgd!
causing a glowing vortex to appear, Salsa Zord walks through it
and we emerge..
emerging just off the coast where rachgd is being held, rising out of the water in a dramatic way
Salsa Zord: WHERE IS RACHGD?

Up your a** and around the corner, Sicko Rangers! MICROSOFT MONOPOLY POWER! *Dice, dollar bills, coins, and dollar signs fall on the Zord. It is crushed beneath the rain of wealth and Monopoly game pieces.*

I wonder if this board will be so tempting to me after my exams are over and there's no longer the compulsion to procrastinate. (Back to the opera) Announcer, why haven't I been threatened with bolts of electricity? Not that I've a masochist or anything...

Sorry, that should be 'I'm'

never fear fair Rach, for the the inspector is on the case. now where did I leave my handbook?, Oh great, now thats missing. [to be continued.]

Ow.. Ow.. Ow.. slowly rising despite all the stuff on the Zord it takes more than that to stop us!
say, just to break character Megan and Rachel, you talk of exams.. are these for high school or college? I'm just curious.
Now, to use the fancy tracking device on board and.. ah.. rachel is in a small cave nearby..

Fine. As you like it, then. DARK DOME CLOSE! *Time stops around the Zord.* CRYSTAL KEY! *The Zord is forced to watch Teletubbies for thirty hours straight. With commercials for Barney and Furbys and Tamagotchis.*

Aha! At last, I've found you Microsoft Senshi! Now you will pay for your evil and monopolistic ways!

Hey great! The Teletubbies, Barney, Furby and Tamagotchi Marathon is on!
I love those shows!
Any chance they'll they'll show The Smurfs as well?
I'll make the popcorn!
I'll grab the blank tapes!
Taco Orange, be careful when using the microwave.
(Taco Orange uses the microwave, accidently launching all of the Salsa Zord's missiles, all but one of which destroy Redmond, Washington, home of Microsoft. The remaining missile heads instead to Port Mike wiping out the animal shelter.)

Megan, enough talk of lightning bolts, announcers, exams and reality. Now it is time for this...
(Darth grabs Megan in his strong arms and brings her to him for a kiss. Unfortunately, he forgot to take his face-covering helmet off first.)

I don't think James is talking to me any more.
Or, perhaps he just can't, being dead and all.

Megan - you don't even read my posts, do you? Which means I can tell all of your deepest, darkest secrets! Mwahaha - oh, sorry. That is rachdvl's trademark. Not in keeping with my sweet, innocent and helpless image at all!

Help me!

Ha! You think you can take us out just by destroying Redmond? We are invincible! We have assimilated 90% of the computer-owning homes in America! HAhAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Feel our mighty wrath! MICROSOFT DOJ OBFUSCATION! *The DOJ is encased in an opaque forcefield. Nothing can get in or out. Unfortunately, that includes oxygen.*

So, Taco Rangers, you like this kind of stuff! Then try this on for size! *An all animé, all South Park, all Star Trek: The Animated Series, all Star Trek V: The Final Frontier marathon begins playing on four separate TVs.* FORCED USE OF SOFTWARE! *Heavy chains bind the Rangers to their seats and force their eyelids open. Any who fall asleep ar given massive doses of stimulants.*

Hay! Rachel! Get back to those tacos! We wouldn't want anything to happen to James, would we?

turning to other Rangers you people are idiots.
you know what? I'm gonna get rid of you all.
pushing a button, causing the TV area to dislodge itself from the Zord, launch towards Microsoft headquarters, followed by a very large missile
there. that should be the end of that. And now for some needed repairs to this puppy, followed by the rescue of Rachel.

Didn't we jsut tell you! Your powers are useless! We are verywhere! Destroying Redmond will only get the government off our back! (Thanks a lot!) In the name of unfair monopolies and bad software, we will punish you!

Tacoman, University - combined Arts/Science Degree.

Rachel, of course I read your posts. I read them with delight and wonder. So, no, you can't reveal my darkest secrets.

Darth, Ouch!! Would you like to slip into something more comfortable first? Comfortable for me, that is.

By the way, am I supposed to be saving you, Rachel? Does our long friendship mean that I have to be there for you? Oh, I guess it does...

Darth, what say we save Rachel and smite these evil beings once and for all before getting back to this most interesting development? (mood lighting and saxophone heard from the streets below) Oh, I forgot, you're one of the evil beings, aren't you? Does that pose something of a conflict of interest for you?

Yes, actually, it is a conflict of interest. Union rules and all that. Sorry about the nose.
I can only help rachgd if she agrees to do my bidding or if saving her causes harm to my enemies and increases my personal power base.
If you're going to join me on the Dark Side, Megan, you should really learn these rules.

Are you sure you won't consider joining ME on the side of light? It can be fun, too. :-)

I've been fighting the Light Side for centuries and you expect me to give it all up for a fun time with a beautiful woman?

(stares at the magnificent Megan for a few seconds)

I am such a guy. Yes, I'll do it, I'll come to the Light Side for you.

(removes his helmet revealing a smoky darkness where his head should be)

So, do I look like you imagined?

Classic e-mail romance moment between Megan and Darth.....
Even more interesting than the Soap Opera!

James! You're not still mad are you? Come back, already!

All: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

(just before crashing, however, the Taco Rangers activate their personal transporters and are safely carried back to Taco Central, in downtown Port Mike. However, the transport process accidentally triggers a radiation burst which mutates all the plants in a nearby nursery into rampaging man-eaters.)

I think you had me killed in there somewhere Rachel, but no I am not mad. If my life be the price that must be paid for your freedom,and to maintain your monopoly on the secret Taco Recipes, then I freely pay that price. I only regret I have but one life to give for you Fair Rachel, the woman whose words have inspired me since the beginning of time and tacos, almost a month now. lol (you know after I was shot and fell in the bottomless pit, I was rescued and nursed back to health by the natives with a steady diet of beer and bbq Shrimps, Fairdinkum!!) Will the title change to The Lighter Side of Darth and Megan? or will they have a spin-off? I have returned fair Rachel!!!!!! What is our status? Are we safe? Do you think Darth and Meg would like to go to Vegas , too? It looks like Port Mike has been hit by a Salsa Bomb.

Um, well, Darth, I can see why you tried to kiss me with your helmet on. Look, I don't smoke but I guess inhaling you has a certain kinky charm. Better yet, though, is there some kind of white witch who will be able to give you a human form? By the way, is any part of your body flesh?

James, so happy to see you again. I know Rachel allowed you to be killed, but she is sometimes impulsive. Believe me, she meant no harm.

Megan, as for schooling, I'm in college myself.. going for Liberal Arts..
James, it must be said that the original Taco Ranges are idiots.. I can't say that enough. they tried a transport, which mutated all the plants range of the transport site.
James, do you need help in rescuing Rachel? I'm near the area she's being held captive. I'd be happy to transport you to my Zord.

Oh, umm, I guess I mentally blocked out what I really look like now. The uniform compensates... oh, this is so embarrassing.
As a member of the Dark Side I tried to stay away from white witches. So I don't know if they can give me a body or not.
And... no... my entire body is just this dark ectoplasm.
Although, if I concentrate...
(A pair of dark lips makes contact with Megan's lips. Reflexively she reaches to grab the back of his head and accidentally pokes herself in the eye.)
Ooops. This relationship doesn't seem to be going as well as I hoped it would, Megan.

watching Darth and Megan
this is getting utterly bizarre..
hmm.. Maybe I should have shot the Taco Rangers into space or under the sea or something..
Anyway.. James, are you here and ready to rescue Rachel?

(Meanwhile, thanks to a tip from an anonymous poster, whose name and address will be given to anyone who comes down to the station and requests it, the Port Mike police have obtained a search warrant and are going through Matthew Patterson's deserted apartment.)

1st officer: Well, chief, we've discovered plans to take over the worlds, machinery capable of wreaking devastation across the globe and a document, signed in blood, pledging his soul to Bill Gates.

Chief: Well, half the people in Port Mike have things like that. Did you find anything suspicious?

2nd officer: Chief, over here. We found a secret closet filled with Japanese schoolgirl uniforms, in his size, as well as wands, tiaras and wigs.

Chief: Bring him in for questioning.

Excuse me, I'm from the DOJ's anti-trust division. Has anyone seen the Microsoft Senshi recently? I'd like to serve them with a subpoena.

Tacoman, what subjects?

Darth, this is getting frustrating. Won't we EVER be together? By the way, this is strictly lust we are talking about here, isn't it? Can I call you Keith now that you've turned your back on your dark past?

p.s. No matter what it is, you won't regret your decision ;-) And just in case you think you might, I'd like to add that I don't mind a touch of devilry here and there.

Hey, now that you're good and all, perhaps we could save Rachel, unite her with James and smite evil once and for all? I'm guessing that you would have an insight as to how the mind of darkness works, although I doubt that you were ever a slave to the Microsoft Corporation.

Ah i've finally found my handbook, it was in my back pocket all along. eh whats this, hmmmmm I seem to have a bad feeling about this Mathew Patterson character. I shall secretly look thru his apartment for other strange things. hmmm thats funny, I wonder whats this English police call booth is doing in this secret compartment,even stranger still it seems bigger on the inside than on the outside.

Actually, Megan, i'm in transition between colleges. at a local community college, I got an Associate's in art degree, and when I go to 4 year college in the fall, I'm going after the Liberal Arts.
if you don't mind me asking, where is the college you're going to?
Wait a minute Inspector.. how could the police miss a good sizes call booth? I would advise you not to play with it.
Well, I've found the cave I think Rachel's in so..
calling Rachel, are you in there?

Hey! I might be a Communist, Dr. Who, a Libertarian, but I am NOT a porn star! Now what was the question again?

And as for those uniforms… I keep telling you, they're not mine! I don't know how those got in there! They're really not my bag, baby!

Oh really MR Patterson, then how do you explain these receipts.

Tacoman, like Rachel, I live in the currently chilly Australia. I'm guessing you're American because you call it 'college'.

Mr Patterson, it's good that you're in touch with your feminine side :-)

It's someone using my credit card, baby! I keep telling you, they're not mine! I really don't know how those got in there! Obviously there's a massive right-wing conspiracy out to discredit me!

Megan, yep indeed, I am American. are you ready for the Olympics when they take Australia by storm?
So, does Rachel still need rescuing?
and what about the Taco Rangers, now without a Zord to play with?

Yes, I still need rescuing, dammit! Someone? Anyone? Look, if I'm going to be trapped in an abandoned mine shaft, I should at least have an old flame, or potential new one, to help while away the time with deep and meaningful discussions and waves of sexual tension!
Have you all forgotten that this is a soap opera?

And, Tacoman: keep those Rangers away from here! I'm having enough troubles as it is!

P.S. We all wish Megan good luck with the dreaded Chemistry, don't we?

P.S. We all wish Megan good luck with the dreaded Chemistry, don't we?

Is that some kind of crack about Megan & me?

(Suddenly a bright light fills the air near Darth & Megan)

Did someone call for a white witch?

(out of the light steps a woman, who looks suspiciously like Hamburger Pattie in a fluffy white dress)

(Aside) Hey, a girl can't fight crime and think up multiple entendres all day long. White witchcraft is my hobby.

Anyway, I understand Darth needs to convert to the Light Side. Let me check my spell book, let's see, converting religion, no... converting to metric, no... Ah, here we are converting from the Dark Side to the Light Side.
First, you must stop all evil plans that you are currently running.
Second, you must risk your life in a heroic quest or rescue.
and third you... oh, my...
Well, I'll come back if you finish the first two.
Gotta go now, bye.
(She vanishes in a flash of light)

Does that mean I have to dismantle the Taco Rangers?

(pause)

You didn't think all that bad luck was normal, did you?

It's really a funny set-up, get these teenagers, make them think they're heroes, but have them cause more destruction then they prevent.

(silence)

Well, I guess you had to be there. I'll go shut them down before they start using their back-up Zord.
(puts on his helmet and vanishes into the shadows)

Darth's a comedian all of a sudden! When did this happen?

(Sorry, KAM - I'm still smarting over that crack about Sarah Jane over at Star Wars vs. Dr. Who.)

Back to the opera...

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream...row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream...row, row, row you boat, gent- no, no, don't bother rescuing me, any of you! This song never gets old! Really. I'm having a great time down here all by myself! Just go about your lives, I'm fine.. -ly down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream...row, row, row your b...

Heroic quest? Well, there's always the Holy Grail. Has anyone actually found that yet or is it just a myth? I really should read the Bible one day. Rachel, I still can't find Religious Musings so I'm not even going to think about rescuing you until you give me easy-to-follow instructions on how to get there. Thank you for your kind wishes on Chemistry. Three weeks of beer and music coming up. Of course no one's forgotten this is a soap opera, but I get the feeling that cyber soaps may follow rules unto themselves.

So, Darth, I'm feeling like a loser idiot but I missed the point of your last post. Have you been stringing me along the whole time? Would you really admit to that before you've had your 'fun' time? Most guys wouldn't, but I've got a feeling you're not like the others...

alright.. time to play with this Zord..
activating main computer personality..
personality 1: Hi there! I'm Eddie, your shipboard computer..
No.. Alright.. Secondary personality..
Personality 2: i'll have you know I'm feeling depressed
Sorry, my friend.. Backup personality..
Backup Personality: Good morning Dave, what are we doing today?
AARRGG! But I have a good plan...
beaming myself into Taco Rangers HQ and locating the backup Zord
now, if combine the personalities..
the enthusiam of the first, the depression of the second, and the homicidial tendicies of the third.. this should be fun!
beaming back to my Zord, ready to rescue Rachel

Are you pondering what I am pondering?

Ccabe: I think so, but how will we get the iguana to drive the Taco Ranger Zord?

To find Religious Musings, you go first to The Kitchen Sink, then to 5 Most Recent, then to Eating A Jeep and there you will find Religious Musings.

To find rachgd, you go first to Port Mike, then due west to the coast, look for a rocky outcropping in the shape of a taco and go to the abandoned mine shaft with the off-key singing coming from it.

Curses! My last post didn't work right! I was going to explain why I'm 3 inches shorter. You see, I was replaced by a new actor who didn't demand as much money as the previous actor. But all the other charaters should treat me the same though.

rachgd, I've always been a comedian, but it was only audiences on the Dark Side who got the punchlines.

Megan, honey, I'm converting to the Light Side for you. If all I wanted was a little fun, I would have used my dark powers to control your mind.
Do you realize the repercussions I will have to face when the forces of evil realize that I'm turning my back on them?

Saving Rachel from singing that song Is foremost on my mind, I have been secretly planning her rescue for days, prefer quiet Boating out of he spotlite, and, ••••, you guys ever here Rachel sing?/ I Love her voice, and Rachel, Will you marry me here in these caves ? I have foresaken the taco powers as well as the evil tobacco hold over me, and I willl learn to type someday :=) Is very warm in nevad Rach!!!!!!

(chanting) Darth and Megan sitting in a tree, k, i, s, s, i, n, g...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Already their dark taunting has begun!

I must work quickly to stop my evil plans...

No! Tacoman! Don't connect those Zords!!!

No, Darth. what I'm programming is a combination of personalities of the Ranger's Zord's computer, causing the computer to do strange things which the Rangers won't be able to fix.
James, may I help rescue Rachel? My personal Zord happens to carry a few mine carts..

No! Don't you see, all you will get is a computer that is depressed enough to killyou but masks the homicidal tendencies until it's too late! Don't connect them!

Yeah, but it will be the Taco Ranger's and their Zord's problem, not mine.
Look.. These are the people who tried to operate a microwave but launched their weapons instead..
I'm just removing a few weak swimmers from the gene pool.

Oh, Darth...my darling Darth. You're NOT like the others. But I don't want our blossoming flower (there's a euphemism! Well, perhaps not. And it's not an analogy, either. Hey, answer man, what's a word for when you want to use a round-about word instead of the more direct word, but when it's not necessarily an unpleasant thing you're trying to describe? Hmmm, perhaps I should look up the meaning of 'articulate' as well.)...anyway, our blossoming flower to cause you any emotional damage. Converting to the Light Side is supposed to be healthy for you. Can't we just kill all the dissenters, or would that stink of fascism? Well, that exhausts my ideas on how to deal with taunts from the dark side. How about we throw the problem open to the masses for debate. By the way, have we decided to save Rachel? Oh, one more thing, I'm going away for a couple of days so consider that I've said "I have to wash my hair".

Where is everybody? And why is there a giant fluffy poodle [BLEEP]ing on that volcano? I don't remember anything after someone walked into my computer room...

A conspiracy you say MR Patterson, and right wing one at that, no that can't be. There has to be more to it. WAit a cotton pickin moment here my keen detective senses have picked up the true culprit and its {dramatic pause and a flash of lightning} ccabe's evil twin, I thought I smelled a neferios plot brewing and now i've broken it. On
ce again I have outsmarted the forces of evil. {pats self on shoulder.]

*While Inspector Mystery pats himself, a gunshot is heard. The Inspector keels over in a pool of blood. A shadowy figure sinks back into the darkness fro whence he came.*

Suddenly without warning, another inspector Mystery walksout kneels down to the first takes off number 1's mask to reveal a robot. {as I.M.2} I knew someone might try something like this thats why I had my robot duplicate stand in for me. {the blood is actully the robot's motor oil} and now I am off to find the shadowy figure, now I know what MPatterson meant by a conspiracy.

Alright, I know Rachel's in a mine shaft, so I need equipment..
a mining car emerges from my Zord, ready for use
Alright, the car is in the shaft, and now..
Hold on Rachel, I'm coming. just keep talking, so I know where you are.

Aaagh! I don't think so, Tacoman! Burrito patrollers, destroy him!

*Disposable things that look like burritos run in pursuit of Tacoman.*

Tacoman, you don't understand! It's not the Taco Rangers themselves who caused the trouble! It's the curse! Well, the curse and the Windows operating system. Any attempt to use Taco Ranger technology will cause destruction!

My picked nits are as follows.
It seems like no one bothers to read the posts that have been previously posted. I.E. for instance ScottN wonders why Fluffy is [BLEEP]ing on the volcano. Well, I wonder too since Fluffy stopped [BLEEP]ing on the volcano in the last chapter and has since been mind controlled by Monok who is marching Fluffy out of town. I know because I can see Fluffy out my window coming this wa... Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Now that I have control of this monster poodle, all I have to do is get to my backup space shuttle hidden in that mine shaft on the coast, near the taco shaped rock.


Who am I talking to? I'm all alone here.

Don't worry, Darth. In my upgrades to my Zord, I removed all evil and nonworking things. I even installed a better working Operating System.
now, how to deal with the Microsoft Senshi..
watching them approach, and when they get close enough, I squish them like a bug with my Zord
and if that didn't work..
transporting them to a deserted island, where dozens of lasers, missils, and energy torpedos land, destroying the island and all inhabitents
I know that won't stop them, but it should slow them down so I can rescue Rachel.
one last thing.. sending a message rocket down the shaft, where it finds Rachel and apologizes for not rescueing her, but tells her what's going on

Oops, so sorry. Those were our decoys, our loyal bodyguards. You haven't gottne rid of us, not by a long shot. MONOPOLY CRUSHING POWER DOUBLE! *Dollar signs, coins, safes, dice, little hats, cars, thimbles, and a funny little man rain on the Zord. crushing it to a pulp and magically reinstalling Windows 98, so even if they fix the physical damage, it will never work again!*

Muhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahaha!

They said I was mad when I bought the Blonde wig factory, the Japanese schoolgirl boutique, and the minuature model factory that minature models of factories. I'll show them, I'll show them all.

Muhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahaha!

BTW, If Sailor Moon is from Japan, wouldn't it be mor likely she would have black hair not blonde? But, I should save it for my twin brother's board.

Muhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahaha!

Inspecter's log: stardate: 7o9-47.2 have been looking for my sworn enemy, The Mystery Gunman,for almost the whole day to no availperhaps tacoman might be of some assistance. Great scott thats it!!!! I'll use my Special state of the art Taco hotline to contact him. Mystery out.

first thing to do..
driving the Zord into space, setting the self-destruct, and escaping in my own vehical
what's this? a message from Inspector Mystery?
yes, Inspector, what can I do for you?
Help find the Mysterious Gunman you say.. Only if you help me rescue Rachel.

1. Grab hold.
2. Hang on tight.
3. Don't make any long-range plans.

Tacoman, You have a deal.Let us join forces until the senses shattering conclusion to find fair Rach. I'll even bring the tacos courtesy of Gen Martok. The Klingons shall sing songs of this day.

Noooooo! We cannot allow the Klingons to "sing" anymore of those horrible "songs"!

The Romulans will destroy rachgd & her taco recipes before we allow that to happen!

We can't allow Tacoman and Inspector Mystery to get to rachgd. At least not until the Taco Rangers come and wipe out half the landscape. So, I shall send taco eating monsters to slow them down.
Haaaa hahaha!

(Meanwhile in Taco Rangers headquarters)

Hey, it's that mysterious man in black who recruited us to be super-heroes!
He's so nice.
Everyone thought I was just another juvenile deliquent.
He saved me from being a hopeless drug addict.
Hey, what's he doing to the computer?

(Darth pulls the plug on the Tacomputer)

Why's the whole place suddenly dark?

(The lights come back on in Taco Rangers' headquarters)

I've replaced all the old systems and equipment and your computers are now running Macintosh software, which is the most superior computer system yet invented, so you'll find it much easier to use.
Now when needed, you'll become Super Taco Rangers.

I have to go now. Lots of evil plots to stop.

**** Meanwhile Rachel and James are at home, cooking tacos and watching a strange show on the telly. Hmmmmmm Rachel? The singing lady in the boat kinda looks like you....... yeah , it is a silly show, click, click, hey Trek is on......

Meanwhile Megan is washing her hair. Not that that has anything to do with the story. I just enjoy looking in her window.

(Darth appears behind the peeping tom and swings his tacosaber through him.)

That's my girlfriend, you perv!

(Starts to walk away, stops, looks at window...)

No! No time, no time! Evil plots to stop.

RACHEL? I THINK WE NEED NEW BLINDS, ARE YOU OK WITH THAT? JUST SEEN A FEW STRANGE FOLK PEEKING IN , HEHEHEHEHEHHE EVERYONE KNOWS WE BATHE TOGETHER, PJ AND DARTH ARE NUTS. :=)

(stretching) Aaah, nothing like a a bit of pampering. Now, I have to find Darth because I want to tag around with him for a while. (calls out) Darth? Darth?

BTW I watched 'The Phantom Menace' last night. I can't remember the future plotline. Was it Queen Amidala with whom Anakin has Luke and Leia? Like, the film seemed to be working to create a bond between the two.

hymmmmmm imposter James that was , and yes you smell devine Megan. Amidila and Annikan are the parents, someday lol

Hold on.. is Rachel safe with James, or is she still in a small mine shaft?
head spinning, smoke coming out of my ears
Oh dear.. not again..
Now to find the Mysterious Gunman..

hmmm, whats this? it seems to be a clue. some empty bullet casings and right beside them is {dramatic pause} a dead furby!!! Hmmm. I seem to remember hearing about them when I was trapped on on that other board sometime ago. We seem to have our trail Tacoman, the chase is on. {to be continued]

Now I am ready to destroy rachgd and her taco recipes. And so no one will know I am coming, I'll use the Romulan Cloaking Device to make my monster invisible.
Wooo hooo hooo hooo hooo!*

[*Romulan menacing laugh]

(The Romulan Operative commands his cloaked monster to the coast, smashing through all the buildings that are in the way.)

Oh my god! Look! It's a giant invisible monstar smashing through the buildings!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Tom: Well, that's the cheesiest looking invisible monster I've ever seen.

Crow: Is there any way we can use the cloaking device to make this story disappear?

I know how to stop it! SHABON SPRAY! *A fog forms over the whole city. The monster is discernible as a hole in the fog.* AQUA RHAPSODY! *The moster is frozen and smashed apart by a geyser of freezing (but not quite ice) water.*

Fortunately I was able to beam into this mine shaft before my monster was destroyed. Wait, what's that sound? It's the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

(looks around and sees rachgd in a boat)

That's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

Oh, now it's time for my favorite part of the day. Time to make the long range plans. Unfortunately, they usally fail because of a giant poodle or some blonde kid with a yellow ship or something. Back to the evil long range plans, (Somebodys gotta do it, and the best evil plan Darth can come up with is peeping in his girlfriend's window). Hmmm... My evil plans seem to be a little boring. Mabye when Rachdvl gets back from her evil trip to Sicily, perhaps she can spice up my plans and my tacos.

Muhahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahah!

Inspector, what do you make of the shot furby?

Well Tacoman, from the look of things, I'd say he was shot from at least 10 feet away and waita minute whats this [spots book on the ground and picks it up with gloved hand} hmmm, the title of this book is "The 7 habits of highly effective Ewoks" well now we know the reading habits of our little friend here. He was problably so into the book that he {or it] didn't know what was happening until it was too late. other than that, i'd say we have a mad killer on the loose on this board and we need the ranger's help on this one.

(Darth appears to Megan, his helmet dented, his cape a tattered shred, and smoke rising from a dozen charred spots on his uniform)

Sorry to take so long to answer your call, Megan, but as the witch said, I had to first undo my evil plots before I could convert to the Light Side for you. It's a good thing you didn't come along because it was more dangerous than I feared. Perhaps one day I'll have a flashback and share it with the readers.

(Darth grabs Megan's hand)

Now we have to rescue rachgd!
Unless you want to do something else. It's your call.

By the way, your hair smells terrific.

Sorry, Darth, et al., but due to unforeseen technical difficulties, Megan will have to continue washing her hair for an indefinite period. Do not despair, however. She is so addicted to this thing that I would not be at all surprised if she starts calling through her plot developments to me so that I can post them.
And at least you guys can all perv on her for the next few days...I can not believe I just wrote that!
Sorry, Megie.
BTW, Megan has taken the dreaded Chemistry exam, and though she thinks, as usual, that she has done really badly, she will probably, as usual, get an A. :-)

Meanwhile, I'm still trapped!
James, since you have returned for the dead - yay! - (counterfeit Jameses notwithstanding) will you please come get me!?!
Darth, since you have joined the light side, perhaps you can help him?
Inspector Mystery, what do mean by concentrating on dead Furbies (let us all rejoice!) when you could be saving me?
You have all noticed that a Romulan is coming to get me (and my tacos), haven't you?
Tacoman, make the Taco Rangers move to a new town! Hasn't poor old Port Mike suffered enough?
And someone please get me out of here!

<Frowns direfully>

I'll start singing that song again...

My friends, it is time to rescue rachel. Am I to guess that Megan is quite smart?
Darth, care to help me get rid of the Taco Rangers?
Darth, Megan, Inspector, anyone else who wants to help (except for the Taco Rangers and a couple of uppity Furbies)
let us get Rachel from the clutches of her prision and the Romulan!

Encore! Encore! That is the most wonderful sound these pointy ears have ever heard. It is only surpassed by your beauty. I thought I had seen the most beautiful things the Alpha Quadrant had to offer, but they all pale in comparison to you.
Say the word and I, Subcommander Qvvnck, will pledge my eternal allegiance & devotion to you.

Establishing a telepathic link to Rachel..
Rachel, rachel, it's Tacoman. Try to get the Romulan to free you. I'm also gettig a team together to try to rescue you.

I'm sorry, it seems that as soon as I enquired about the Microsoft Senshi, my machine started putting up error messages that said "This machine is registered to the DOJ. The DOJ must die!"

Anyways, can anyone tell me where to find the Microsoft Senshi?

Tacoman, James, etc.--I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I cannot allow you to rescue Rachgd with out answering my questions three.

1. What is your quest?
2. What is your favorite colour?
3. What is the average air speed velocity of an unladden swallow?

So evil twin, you wish to challenge us with your questions Ans 1. Our quest is as follows to rescue Rach and to crush the the forces of evil. ans 2 my favorite color are the team colors of the Pittsburgh Steelers- Black and Gold. Ans 3 Is It an American Unladden swallow or Canadien? So bring your dath friends and we will make their lives unpleasant.

Right here, bonehead! MONOPOLY CRUSHING FORCE! *A giant die slams the attorney on the head. He falls to the ground, unconscious. Or dead. It's a soap, it could go either way.*

Hmm, it looks like a Romulan operative is heading for our secret locations… we must deal with this. In the name of Microsoft, we will eliminate your market share! MICROSOFT IMMENSE BUG PROBLEM! *Giant bugs carry the Romulan off to a secret location where he is forced to watch Voyager's "Unforgettable" and "11:59" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again!

Excuse me, Mr. Microsoft Senshi, but will you please take this folded piece of paper?

This is getting really strange..
An affair, Evil Twin? not with me, I hope..
Do I have to answer the Quest questions too?

Excuse us, Mr. Attorney? Do you know any Japanese? Have you been paying attention to the board? There are three of the Microsoft Senshi! We stand for monopolies and bad software! We will right wrongs and triumph over Apple! IN THE NAME OF MICROSOFT, WE'LL BLOODY WELL PUNISH YOU! Get out of our sight if you want your face to stay intact!

Bah! Microsoft is nothing but a Romulan plot to conquer Earth before you establish star travel and fight us to a standstill in the Romulan-Earth war! As for your pathetic attempts to torture me, we Romulans are made of sterner stuff!
Now to activate my personal transporter and return to that beautiful woman who has captured my right pituatary gland.*

[*Romulan compliment, means the same thing as the English phrase 'captured my heart.']

(Qvvnck transports back to rachgd and releases her from her bonds)

Come with me to Romulus and let us get away from all these weirdos.

Thank you for accepting that subpoena, Mr. Microsoft Senshi. We will expect you in court to answer questions about your monopolistic practices, and specifically about your attempt to leverage your Windows monopoly to obtain rachgd's taco recipes.

Exuce us? We accepted no subpoena. We did not touch any pieces of paper. ANd in case you hadn't noticed, there are THREE OF US! So stop calling is Mr.! And Senshi is nt a name! It's Japanese! It means "Soldier!" Don't you know anything?!?!

Tacoman, I am ready for action. I think we all have to answer the questions. 1. To save Rachel and finally spend some time rewarding Darth for converting to the Side of Light; 2. Dark purple or dark red; 3. I don't know anything about American or Canadian swallows, but for an unladen Australian swallow I have estimated an average air velocity of 152.68 kilometres per hour. I wish I could remember that dialogue from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail at this point, because that would be really funny, but I can't. So, Darth and Tacoman, you have to answer the questions and then, I think, barring unforseen plot developments, we can be on our way.

Rachel, uh...your cheque is in the mail :-)

Darth, I think that once we have saved Rachel, you should be eligible to apply for a human form (preferably male).

1. To follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far.
2. Black, of course.
3. Do you mean swallow, the bird, or swallow, the act?

By the way CCET, now you have to answer my 3 questions or face the wrath of my Tacosaber.
1. Do you have a real name or did your parents name you CCabe's Evil Twin?
2. Do you mind women whose lips move out of sync with their dialogue? I know Renal Refusal is single & would probably be willing to have an affair with you.
3. What is that thing behind you with the sharp teeth and claws?

Is it not African or European? The Swallow I mean. Ya know, Rachel's hair smells just as delightful as Meggies, I think I need to move to Australia , Fairdinkum!!!!!!!! Oh my I said IT, ARGHHHH I said It again ARGHHHHHHHH Help me sweet Megan and Sweeter Rachel!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James, are you coming, too? I've lost track of who's saving Rachel. And what do you mean help you? Help you from saying 'Fairdinkum' again? You know, not too many Australians say that in general conversation, anyway. Actually, hasn't she been freed already? So, off we go then.
Tacoman, have you still got that tacocopter to take us to the cave?

Darth, at the risk of rejection, can we have a joyous reunion?

I still have my Tacocopter.
Everyone aboard!
hey James.. IT! IT! IT!
But first, we have to face the monster of AAARRGGG!, surley peasents, three headed monsters who argue with themselves, and of course, a castle full of young beauties.
I think the Romulan freed Rachel and took her himself..

And as for the questions..
1) to get my hands on the perfect Taco
2)something of a light greenish-blue
3) Depending on the species, anything from 12 to 47 miles per minute.

Does this mean we are the lookout for a time traveling Romulan?

I would never reject you, Megan. I turned my back on the Dark Side for you. I find every reunion with you joyous.

Oh, look. This door at the back of the Tacocopter leads to a small room. We can talk without anyone overhearing.

Hmm.. I never noticed that door before.. strange..
Bob, at the moment, I have no idea.

Oh, wait.. you mean THAT door..
It leads to a small simulation room. sort of a miniature holodeck.

Where am I? Who are all these strange people?

To ScottN, wern't you the one that was with Rachgd a few episodes back? Hmmm, we seem to a time traveling Romulan on the loose on this board perhaps Sailor Q could take care of that matter? To RachGD: I am speaking to you telepathically, Could you give Me a Clue of where you are being held so we can rescue you.

You rang?

First, the Swallow is a Asian Swallow. You have answered my questions 3, except for the Airspeed of an unladden Asian Swallow.

Now the answers to Tacoman's question
1. Do you have a real name or did your parents name you CCabe's Evil Twin? I have a real name.
2. Do you mind women whose lips move out of sync with their dialogue? I know Renal Refusal is single & would probably be willing to have an affair with you. I don't like women whos lips are out of sinc.
3. What is that thing behind you with the sharp teeth and claws? It's a Klingon targ.

Australia being close to Asia and all, I can work this out. The Asian atmosphere is slightly heavier than Australia's, therefore an unladen Asian swallow would have to fly through increased resistance. Asian swallows, however, have adapted to this and so their air velocity is only very slightly slower than that of an Australian swallow. Therefore, I estimate a speed of 151.89 Kilometres per hour. (aside to herself, hmmmm, I wonder if cCET can guess that I am bull-******** like crazy). Well, I censored myself because the little red squares didn't come off, and I don't want to be banned from this board or anything. It's too much fun :-)

Darth, this is a simulation room. Will strange things happen to us if we enter? No matter, I'm game if you are. (takes his hand) Your call.

Actually, Evil Twin, those wern't my questions, but who cares?
This is indeed a fun board, Megan.
Oh, by the way, I'm punching up some of the things that my sim room can produce on the nearest monitor near you.
So, where do we go? down a mine shaft or after a Romulan?

The Romulan is down the mine shaft with rachgd.
There is also a hidden Klingon shuttle down there.
Monok, the Klingon, is forcing Fluffy, the giant monster poodle, to take him there.
Renal Refusal has sent taco eating monsters to guard the mine shaft from Tacoman and friends.

I don't want to know what Darth & Megan are going to do in that simulation room, but they had better do it quick or they'll miss the climax.

I'm sure they're going to have one of their own..
Hold on, here we go! I have plenty of weapons, so defeating Reusal should't be to big of a problem..
alright, I think we're here.. and here come more plot holes!

Did you forget about me? I'm hurt. SNAP! *Tacoman and all the do-gooders attempting to rescue Rachel are transported to… oh, let's say Jurassic Park. Someone let T-Rex out of his pen!I'm afraid those things will harm me cause they sure don't act like Barney so I don't think I'll be coming back again! Oh nooooooooooooooo! Oops, Weird Al fever there. Buy "Running With Scissors," the new album. In stores now!*

Sailor Q is Weird Al's publicist.

And I cannot believe you just did that, you pesky omnipotent being! I was this close to being rescued, Q, and you send them all to Jurassic Park?!! Right, that's it, I have had enough! I am getting out of here...

What the - ? Why, hello, Romulan Commander. Thanks for dropping in. I'd really like you to meet someone. His name is (dramatic pause) Monok!

::Points rudely as the Klingon finally frees himself from Fluffy and approaches menacingly::

Monok, meet...the Romulan Commander!

::Looks on in amusement::

Now, now, boys, I realise that your people don't always get along, but, really...what do you mean he betrayed the Empire? Which Empire are you taking about?
Is this an honour thing?
Okay, fine, whatever.
As entertaining as this is, though, I really must be going.

::Moves surreptitiosly over to the opening in the cave that Monok conveniently made with his disruptors and hops into the shuttle::

Okay, so, I don't even have a learner's permit for a car, and I can't read Klingon, but, hey, how hard can it be to fly this thing? I'll just push this little button, and...

Woah!!!

Er, uh, I'm sorry to do this to you all again but - Help! Help! I seem to have engaged the autopilot, and it's taking me out of the atmosphere. Hey, wow, who put that big spaceship there? It doesn't look like it belongs in this universe. And I wonder what all those little fighter ships think that they're going to accomplish against that huge monstrosity.
Ooooh. Space is pretty.

Yippee!

So, how do you all like Jurassic Park? I seem to be in an entirely different blockbuster movie...

Is it just me, or has this board gotten to be like Phantom Returns with an actual plot?

Plot? You mean this thing actually has a plot?

Cap'n! The board's getting too full! If we don't get a new board soon, this thing is gonna blow!

Too Late!

This thing already blows!

HEY! Do we make fun of your show?!?

Ha ha! I'm back! THought I was gone, did you! Fortunate I had some clones of myself activated, wouldn't you say?

Meanwhile, Monok and Qvvnck are fighting. Then they get into a clinch, stumble and fall, rolling on the ground. Suddenly, their eyes meet, violin music swells and they kiss.

Later they move to San Fransisco, open a taco restaurant and live happily ever after.

Who says there's no romance in this soap opera?

Alright, Sailor Q, you can join us..
using latent telepathic powers
ues the Warp, Rachel, use the warp engines!
Alright, new rescue mission..
pressing a button, converting Tacomobile into a spaceship
alright, I need a crew, everybody, to a station!
navigation, tactical, conn, ect, ect..
Megan, Darth, I need you two at a station, please.

Is it just me, or does this no longer even pretend to be a soap opera with Mysterious and Enigmatic Strangers, Evil Twins, etc....?

I give it a 3 out of 10

Well, right now it's a Science fiction soap opera..
alright, as for the former Hamburgermeister, I have reason to believe that they are not dead, but just in some other plane of existance..
Now we need a technobabble way to free them so they can be part of the resuce and the potential ending of this story.

Did someone mention near godlike feats and other planes of existence? I'll save the ship, captain Tacoman sir!

Curses! Megan has answered the 3rd question. Now I have to let someone rescue something of find a Grail or something. (Some days I fell a little to old for this evil dictator business.) I would have replied sooner, but I was busy washing and waxing my new evil starship, The Starship Palpatine.

Hmmm... It looks like a yellow ship is headed for the power converter core. It kinda looks like a t-wing and I think I recognise the pilot. She looks just like Rachdvl or she might be her twin Rachgd. Either way, I hope she dosen't run into the bridge or the power converter core. (BTW, I still have an unresolved crush on Rachdvl.)

Well, Tacoman, I think Darth and I have yet to go into the simulation room so in the meantime I am quite happy to take care of whatever station you want me to.

cCET, why don't you do something about that crush on Rachdvl? You only live once, you know. Well, perhaps that's not entirely true. In soap operas people have a winning way of returning from the dead. Whatever the case, I think you should go for it. Then you and Rachdvl can spend the rest of your lives competing with James and Rachgd. Personally, I think you should go for Rachgd. The spice of opposites and all that jazz.

Darth, I don't know where you are but I think that we're about to save Rachel, unless we accidentally fly into one of those plot holes rather than the mouth of the cave.

Rachel, if you MUST sing, at least sing something sentimental...say, "Suddenly"?

Tacoman, steer this baby in.

Hang on a sec, Tacoman… *Concentrates very hard. Sweat breaks out on forehead.* Hamburger Pattie has been contacted. If she participates in the rescue is up to her. Full ahead!

{Inspector Mystery walks onto the bridge wearing a DS9 7th season uniform} whew, for a moment there, I thought wardrobe was really going to screw things up and give me something from Star Wars. ah yes space travel not for the feighthearted. unlike some people, I don't get space sick on an impotant mission. Hmmm. thats funny I seem to have a bad feeling about this like as if someunseen, neferios,upcoming,villian was behind the scences monitering our every move waiting to strike. {to be continued}

(A dramatic flash of light and Hamburger Pattie appears, wearing one of those red, Classic Trek, miniskirt uniforms)

I'm here!

I brought my spell book for the resurrection.

And because we might need help in this battle, I contacted the Super Taco Rangers.

Oh, science fiction has addled my brain! I knew I was watching too much of it! (Can there ever be too much of it?)

::Stretches elegantly, aware of a crimp in her back caused by sleeping on the hard dirt floor of the mineshaft/cave::

What, am I still in here? Does this mean that my potential rescuers did not, in fact, get sent to Jurassic Park? I must have dreamed that, I'm sure, since such a ridiculous plot twist is unacceptable in this here soap fest. No alien beings, no taco zords, no shuttlecraft, no evil plots for galactic domination, no multi-conglomerate senshi allowed!!!

Well, okay, let's keep the Taco Rangers. They just have to promise not to go all Mega-Zord and complete the devastation of poor Port Mike.

Darth needs to stay, (well, gee, thanks, Rach! I hear you think) for Megan's sake. But, perhaps, Darth, you could establish that you are a ghost, or a spirit...something suitably soap-opera-y.

And, now that I think about it, the Microsoft senshi is entirely at home here! Where would soap opera be without multi-billion dollar companies, and the devastatingly attractive men and women who run them? (Obviously, in this timeline, Mr. Gates got himself some of those Devastatingly Attracive pills.)

Ispector Mystery, Tacoman, the ghost of Hamburgermeister - by all means, carry on with the sterling work. You've done such a great job of rescuing me!!! that I can't imagine you anywhere else! (Phantom Returns board notwithstanding.)

Right, are we all agreed?

Meanwhile, I'm waaaaaiiiiting!!!

P.S. Despite my sudden and uncharacteristic stand on sci-fi from mere moments ago, we can keep Wesley, can't we?
I might be pregnant with his child....

(whispering to Megan)
uh, Megan, honey, we were just in the simulation room.

(thinks to self)

This is terrible. Since leaving the Dark Side my powers have weakened, my body has less substance, and now people are starting to forget what I've done. If this quest tkes too long, I may never find out what the dreaded third thing is.

What third thing are we talking about?
Alright, through a hole in the plot, out into space, and lo and behold, right near rachel's ship!
now, do we beam her here, or do we try to save the ship, too?
No, not that button! that's the pilot ejjjeeccttt!!!
tube slides around me, a panel on the ceiling slides, revealing space. The tube jets out, causing me and the tube to be ejected into the inky darkness of space

Fortunately, I quickly activated the shields, pumped some oxygen out there, and kept our leader alive while I powered up the transporter and beamed him back. Shall I save the universe before lunch, captain?

Make it so!

Did I not make myself clear?

I heard you Rachel 7:=)

Alright, Mr. Crusher, activate transporters and rescue the lovely Rachel!
Hmm.. what if this entire thing was just a mass hypnosis dream thingy..

Dark Shadows featured ghosts, vampires, werewolves, witches, demons, etc.

Sunset Beach featured magical jewels.

Days Of Our Lives had people possessed by the devil.

General Hospital had a mad scientist trying to control the world with a weather machine, and a storyline featuring an alien in a flying saucer.

One Life To Live sent people to the old west.

Comic books have been like soap operas since, at least, the 60's.

Still want to claim this isn't a soap opera?

Darth, what is the third thing? BTW I haven't forgotten your past - it adds a certain zing to the present. So don't feel downcast, after all, I'm the only one who matters, right?

Well.......lets add a bit of SOAP to the opera.....
For starters, we happen to know that our heroine is currently strutting her pregnant stuff on a distant planet. Kidnapped!!! Hardly!
We are the lesbian 'kidnappers' on Rachel's payroll. James, if you don't act sufficiently masculine, Rachel will seek the arms closest. *wink* (Close up to EATNA's voluptuous lesbian cleavage)
Darth, same goes for you. Never underestimate the power of WOMAN. (Hear me roar)

Okay Captain! Atually, I've mande some modifications to the transporters. Now we can beam to anywhere within seventeen light-years! Energizing! *The shape that coalesces on the platform is not Rachel. It is a sea monster from Centauri B IV.* Oops! Let's try that again! *This time, he gets Rachel.* Hey, you look different. WHat are those things growing out of your head? Why are you holding a pitchfork? *Gasp.* You're rachdvl! Wesley to Bridge! Intruder al-urk! *rachdvl stabs him with her pitchfork. She rins into hiding.*

Wesley? Wesley? medical bots to the transporter room! Computer, red alert!
the doors to the bridge open, revealing rachdv
no, not you! AAARRRGGGG!
yelling as rachdv zaps the me with her lightning bolt throwing pitchfork

Will Tacoman survive?
Is this in fact just a dream?
Will we ever discover the significance of rachgd's Secret Taco Recipes?
Where is James?

And what about .... Naomi?

Say tuned, we'll be back after these messages!

Great scott. Rachdvl is on the loose. I must do battle with her {from under his tunic he pulls out a lightsaber} luckily for me i've had traiing in this type of matter. It is a good day to die!!{suddenly, rachdvl bursts in, I.M. cathes sight of her.} There you are, your bloody rampage ends here, HAVE AT THEE. {With his lightsaber I.M. runs her she yelps out and falls to the floor} The light side of the force has won the day.

Evil Henchman's log: Date Thursday, uhhh... i don't remember the date, It's a summery kinda Thursday. It's kinda boring on the Satelite of Glove. Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

The Wesley Crusher detector and the Rachdvl detector went of a the same time. Hmmm. The Crusher detector is a Blue Alert and the Rachdvl dector is a Red Alert. Does that make it a Purple Alert?

Ccabe's evil twin: No, idiot, its a Plaid Alert. Richards, beam me to Mr. Crush... Oh to [Bleep] with that kid, I want to have a scene with Rachdvl. Private, beam me to Rachdvl's ship.

Private: Aye, aye, Mr. Ccabe.

UUGGG.. what happened? is Rachdvl still on the loose? Oh.. I see the good Inspector wounded her..
there's something I must do..
beaming Rachdvl onto her own ship
now to wait for others to board it, and then destroy it.
Alright, someone find out where the real Rachgd is at the moment, and we'll go there.

Hehehehe. Hehe. He. Ah, at last, I have revenge upon my sister, that goody-two-shoes rachgd! At last she will pay for all of those years of pain and humiliation I suffered! When we were at Primary School, who always won the spelling bee? rachgd! At High School, who got the lead in the play? rachgd! To whom did our parents give a car, a computer, and all the money she asked for? rach...well, no, actually, that was me, but I have some serious guilt issues about it, and that's because of rachgd as well!

She loved Wesley so, and she will suffer for it...he he he he he he he and he again!

Ding, dong, Wesley's dead! Which Wesley? The pest, Wesley! Ding, dong, that dumb old Wesley's dead!

It's feels good to be bad.

But, what's this? Who is this smoldering hunk of flesh that has appeared magically on my ship? Security! Oh - wait - I don't have any security. Oh, well, I have to take care of this myself. Now to disarm him with my fatal charm...

Hi, there. I'm rachdvl. And you are?
Ccabe's Evil Twin! Well, what a coincidence!
Ever heard of a girl called rachgd?
Yep, that's me!
He he he he he he he he.
Oh, I do love your maniacal laugh. It's so...twisted.
Care to ruin the lives of every one in Port Mike with me? I promise rachgd will get hurt. Alot.
How do you do that laugh?

(Disclaimer: The sentiments contained herein do not represent the feelings of the author, the author's acquaintance, the members of Nitcentral, the Nitcentral organisation, the publishers, Discus, the World Wide Web community at large, or of anyone with any pretensions to mental health.)

Hello.. there's a couple of ships on the sensors..
Hmm.. a Romulan ship and Klingon Ship..
Greetings Monok and Qvvnck, nice of you to join the party.. What.. looking for Rachgd you say?
I believe that's her ship right out there..
to rest of crew that should keep Rachdvl and the Evil Twin busy for a while..

What's the point of thinking to myself when you guys just read my mind. ;-)

I don't know what the third thing is. The white witch, who's now dressed like Uhura over by the communication console, only stated 2 of the 3 things needed for me to convert from the Dark Side to the Light Side. The way she acted when she read it indicated that it is not very pleasant.

So have we completely lost Wesley Crusher?
I still want a report on the actual location of the good Rachel. But first, back off, brings shields up, because I want to watch the confrontation between these ships..

Hailing frequencies open, captain.

I've managed to reach the psychic plane, but it's extra long distance so your phone bill will be really high this month.

Bucking Brahmas, Hamburgermeister! Isn't technology wonderful?

Yes, it is, Burger Boy, and watch your language.
(shouting into phone)
Tacoman! rachgd is still in the caves, under the mine shafts on the coast of Port Mike! Near the taco shaped rock!
Wesley, says hello!
Oh, those two ships can't be piloted by Monok & Qvvnck because they caught a cab and left for San Fransisco!
(clicks on phone cradle)
Hmmm, the connection went dead.

Awesome Aurochs! I hope that doesn't mean we'll be seeing them on this side, does it?

Tacoman, I sense danger from all 3 ships.

(Suddenly the ship is rocked by 3 volleys of hellfire torpedoes.)

Rachgd - You never write, you never call! No, I don't believe that "trapped in a cave" story.
(Surely you would have had a convenient Star Trek novel in that incredibly stylish handbag, with which to while away the time!)

Megan - I hope you haven't caught a chill from wearing those skimpy garments? (mother thing) Also, well done with the studying! PS I wouldn't trust that Darth. You never know whose father he might turn out to be. Gross!!

James - the fair Rachel is actually a redhead. Also, how come the whole world knows she's pregnant, but I, her mother, am the last to know? I may not bother knitting any bootees!

Everybody - why do you want Rachgd's taco recipes? She's vegetarian, so they will be made from tofu, lentils, broccoli and stuff like that!!!!!I say, leave her in the cave.

Rachgd - You never write, you never call! No, I don't believe that "trapped in a cave" story.
(Surely you would have had a convenient Star Trek novel in that incredibly stylish handbag, with which to while away the time!)

Megan - I hope you haven't caught a chill from wearing those skimpy garments? (mother thing) Also, well done with the studying! PS I wouldn't trust that Darth. You never know whose father he might turn out to be. Gross!!

James - the fair Rachel is actually a redhead. Also, how come the whole world knows she's pregnant, but I, her mother, am the last to know? I may not bother knitting any bootees!

Everybody - why do you want Rachgd's taco recipes? She's vegetarian, so they will be made from tofu, lentils, broccoli and stuff like that!!!!!I say, leave her in the cave.

Somebody, report!
all three ships realized that we were the enemy?
Shields and weapons to full!
three more large torpedos hit the ship, extras and redshirted ensigns dead due to exploding computer panels
return fire! return fire! report! shields down to 70%? navigator get us out of here!

So, there is another... a sister? Your thoughts betray her a well. Let's do some manical laughter then pay her a visit, an evil visit. Muhahahahhahahhahahahha!