Bad News. Megans gone. her room is a mess. It looks like there was a fight. Also there was a note that said:

Give me the taco recipes or megan dies.
Hired assassin

Hmm.. the plot thickens.. or is that sickens?

While I'm sitting here with Victor, I hope that I don't miss any important fights, or romantic meetings, or character revealing speeches. Oh well, what are the odds of any of those happening?

[sees Mpatterson all alone at at the rail. Looks around to see if no one is watching... "accidentally" bumps into Mpatterson...]

Whoops! MATT OVERBOARD! I mean, "MAN OVERBOARD!"

that should have been "looks around to MAKE SURE that no one is watching..." Darn copy editors!

I don't believe it! The Censorware even works on email addresses! What if my real address WAS stu-pid?

Lance,You should put extra guards that you trust in and around Rachgd's room in case someone does anything and I switched Megan with a double back in Port Mike without your consent Lance,before I arrived at the hospital so someone couldn't get the location of the recipes from her.Victor feeling the effects of the triangle starts singing pieces of old tv themes.

Hooray for the red,white and blue-fighting for our rights in her satin tights-living on the air in Cincinati-still they're cousins,identical cousins-a horse is a horse of course of course-the Bugaloos,the Bugaloos they're in the air and everywhere-In the the middle of the summer in the middle of a park-space the final frontier-can he swing on a thread?Take a look overhead.It's just a show you should really just relax...

Fortunately, all you did was knock me on to the deck below. This is a cruise ship, after all. Unfortunately, I can't seem to move my legs. *Sucks in a deep breath.* Hey, everyone! ScottN just tried to murder me and take rachgd's secret taco recipes with the recipe for cold fusion! Somebody arrest him right now! I'm going to sue his butt off!

[Rushing down the stairs to the deck below]
Omigosh! Matthew, are you allright? That was horrible! I just wasn't looking and accidentally bumped into you! Will someone please call a doctor?!?!?!?!

Stay away from me! You paralyzed me and I'm going to sue you for everything you've got, you little @!$%^&*((*&^%$!!!!!!!!

He must be delirious! He must have bumped his head, or... [dramatic pause with ominous music] it's the Port Mike Triangle!

Victor (still feeling the effects of the triangle),Two Silver Spoons together-who's your friend when things get rough-Thunderbirds are go!-all jets aflame,he fights and fights with repulsor rays-Charles in charge of our days -Green Acres is the place to be-why do we always come here?I guess we'll never know.It's like a kind of torture-he's the most tip top,Top Cat!

Dr. Jack.. is there any hope for Victor.. or do we have to leave the Port Mike Triangle..
I've heard of worse places to be..
The Port Joel trapazoid is worse, or so I've been told..

ScottN you're under arrest for attempted murder. Matthew you said you know rachgd's secret taco recipes. If so you might be in danger.

(pulls along side the cruise ship)

I will hijack the boat and take it to Port Joel. Then, I shall throw all of the French Doors from the ship into the Port Joel Trapizod. At least Lance will find out if the Trapizoid is worse that the Port Mike Triange.

(Vcabe and 50 henchmen (and 2 henchwomen) laugh maincally)
Muhahahahahahahahahhah!
Buhhaahhaahahahahhaahha!
Mwhahahhahaahhahahahaha!
Hahhahahhahaahhahaahahh!

wandering up to the bridge
Greetings captain. How are we doing?
Hmm.. kinda lost...
looking at the controls
No wonder we're lost.. the GPS is going haywire..
You did know this was going to happen, right captain?

We should probably leave the Port Mike Triangle, due to its strange effect on people. However, Victor will be fine once he runs out of songs to sing. Luckily, it appears that I'm safe from Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, they're the modern stone age family...

Thank you colored announcer.

I'm feeling better now Dr. Jack,but I'm still very weak.The old saying about that which does not kill you makes you stronger,is wrong.That which does not kill you actually makes you weak as a kitten (In real life people,I suffer from seizures.And afterwards I can barely walk because my leg muscles are so sore from spasming (as are all of my other muscles).I'm very thankful that there is medicine I can take to control the seizures.).But back to the story.

For goodness sakes I hope we don't wind up in the Joel Trapizoid.I heard people start seeing and/or beliving they are old movie stars in there,among other things.

Aren't you all glad I mentioned it?

Colored announcer, quit being so nit-picky. This is a soap opera. It's supposed to be riddled with nits.

Hey wait a minute I'm still on this boat. oh well Mimi is nowhere around, which is good news maybe if I ask real politly, Megan will share her taco recipes with me. Why do I feel so woozy. must be the Port Joel triangle {in Delerium} Auntie Em Auntie Em, But I don't want to swim the Pacific!!!

Dr. Jack,since I'm doing better.Could you check on Rachgd and see how she's doing.I haven't heard anything from her in some time.

Lance,did you put extra guards in and around Rachgd's room like I asked?

Matt,lighten up.I was begining to think all of you ignore what has been established myself.

And everyone,despite our differences,I wouldn't mind one bit if one of you threw Drew Carey overboard.Unless he's actually James.

{hiosting him Overboard} See you later PIG!!!!!

Yes Victor, there are a couple of guards.. I think I decided to use some henchmen that were wandering around..
And now what do we do with Mimi?

[splash]

took care of that problem.

Thanks all.

[reading a telex from (dramatic music) The DOJ]

Government Agent, you will release ScottN immediately. He is central to our anti-trust case regarding the takeover of the taco market in Port Mike.

(signed)
The DOJ
"We're from the government, and we're here to help you"

Curses! Drew Carrey sank my yacht! I'll get you Drew and your French Windows, too! Muahhahahahahahahahahahahh!

Ok that does it. Im going to see that other board where Mimi can't follow me.

Now, I will be able to count on you, you can count on me... A horse is a horse of course of course... Here's a story of a lovely lady... Cleveland Rocks!... Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can...

Doctor Bricker, I've just finished running the tests, and all the passenger hallucinations are caused by a chemical in the food that's served to the passengers!

Doc: Yes. It's the company's way of making the passengers think they had a good time. Too bad your ship didn't use it or it might still be sailing.

This is unethical! How can you stand for it?

Doc: Hmmm, you didn't seem to have a problem when Tea Leoni thought you were Dvid Duchovney.

Uh, well, ummm..., maybe I should run some more tests in case there was a mistake?

*gasping, retching, wheezing and shivering* Hello? Hello? Can anybody hear me? I'm down here! I need someone to throw me a life-line.

Would this be a good time for the revenged-crazed sailor to show up? yeah.. I'm suggesting a plot line.
Well, at least I'm immune to the effects of the Triangle... Here's the story...Danger Will Robinson, Danger!...A three hour tour!...Can you tell me how to get, how to get to... Hello, won't you be my neighbor?...The Adams Family!...Go Speed Racer, go!...Who show J.R.? The Shadow knows!

What's a pretty girl like you doing in an ocean like this?

Well, that is my best pick-up line.

(Ba-dum-dum)

Who's the king of deepest darkest Africa... Suicide is painless... Space, the final frontier... Scooby Scooby Doo, where are you?...

Please, I beg of all of you...no crazed plotlines, no smart alec plot lines...not right now. Just somebody please throw down that rope ladder that is right behind you all.

We're movin' on up… never heard the word impossible… what would you do if I sang out of tune… Fighting evil by moonlight… Heeeeeeeere's Johnny!… beneath the surface lies the future… you got nothin' on me… livin' in sin with a safety pin… ready yet? Get set. It's Aaaaaallll That!

The LOOOOVVVVE Boat, soon will be making another run.... Sunday, Monday Happy Days!...

Scully, I believe we have just found the central point of all things weird in this part of the world this explains it all all the hallucinations this exact point. it's a rupture in the space-time continuum. {as Scully} Mulder!!! thats not true all this is a chemically induced agent causing the subject to act out their most wildest whims.

Did I hear something?
looking at the side of the boat Megan! wait.. let me help you..
throwing the rope ladder down to Megan
here.. climb up.. But I warn ya.. pretty soon you'll be reciting various theme songs also..
Lance to Captain, get us out of the Port Mike Triangle!

Tonight on Touched By A Triangle, ScottN goes to the captain with a deck of cards because he wants to play bridge, Megan reveals that although she's a hopeless alcoholic, she is also an Olympic class long distance swimmer, and lots of people sing old, and sometimes obscure, TV theme songs.
We're the kids, we're the kids, we're the Kids From C.A.P.E.R.... Transformers, robots in disguise... It's been a hard day's night and I've been sleeping like a log... Here we come, walking down the street... It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere...

Uh-oh. If we're out at sea, does that mean that Mpatterson will start thinking he's a Sailor?

Argh! Now I can be a-takin' me revenge on that thar Lance Pepperman! After he a-tossed that bomb onto me boat, I've been a-meanin' to be a-gettin' him. Now that he's on this here ship, I can get even w'him!

Megan,you're ok.Thank goodness,I was worried about you (Sorry that I forgot to leave you a means to get here.Oops.).I hope you aren't too mad,I was just trying to keep you and the recipes safe from various people.

Lance,any ideas yet on who might have shot me?

::Tossing in bed, singing in sleep...::

"Now sit right back and you'll hear a tale...then one day he was shooting at some food...Petticoat Junction!...the year is 2160. The name of the place...closer each day, home and away...and the Pussycats...the white lion, he's the bravest little guy...you can't do that on television!...everybody needs good neighbours...we got each other, sharing the laughter...when the rain starts to fall...the wonderful, wonderful cat. Whenever he gets in a fix...what do we got? We got a Perfect Match!...sometimes you wanna go where everybody...for his adventures just be sure and stay tuned to this station..."

"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air...I never thought I could feel so free-he-he...flying away on a wing or a prayer...who could it be? Believe it or not, it's just me".

Well, I'm strangely untouched by the triangle, but I figured I'd humour you all.

By the way, Victor, I never did apologise for the BMW incident.

(depressed because he saw Tea Leoni with Agent Mulder, whom she thinks is David Duchovny)

You're unaffected by the triangle because you haven't eaten any of the food yet.

You make italics by typing
\ i {your words here.}
But don't put spaces between the '\' and the 'i' and the first bracket, or they will appear on screen. (and bold is a b, and a color is the uncapitalised name like orange.)

You can now put your clothes back on as I've finished examining you.

\i(What?)
\red(When did I take my clothes off?)
\purple(I haven't had more than a couple of sips of my schnapps since boarding - certainly not enough to be entering the phase of taking off my clothes willy nilly)

Okay...laugh, jeer and poke sticks. Yessss...laugh, but you won't be laughing when I reveal the contents of Rachel's taco recipe book, which is actually her DIARY...

When you were pulled aboard ship you were brought to Sick Bay to be exmined for hypothermia.

And you don't use the regular parentheses (), you use the fancy ones {}.

The ones normally used when company comes over.

(On my keyboard they're to the right of the P key and you have to Shift to get them, but I don't know about Australian keyboards. I hear they're upside-down, so you have to type while standing on your head. ;-)

Megie, Megie, Megie. The squiggly bracket, not the smiley one.
Here's an idea...go to Formatting, on the left of the screen, and that'll take you through it all. Cletus.

Back to the Soap...

::Sitting up in bed, groggily, rubbing perfectly made-up eyes without smearing the mascara::

"Wha-? Er...this is strange. This place kinda looks like my apartment (Aside: Megan, there's a picture of Carl in here!) but my apartment, as far as I know, does not rock.
"Interesting.
"I think I need some back story here. I feel like I've been asleep for days.
"Hello? Is anyone there?"

It's cold outside,
There's no kind of athmosphere,
We're all alone,
More or less.
Fun, Fun, Fun.
In the Sun, Sun, Sun.

I hope my evil twin behaves himself while I am on vacation.

Steve Austin, a man barely alive. We can rebuild... this soap opera! Yes! At last, I've recovered from the effects of the Port Mike Taco Triangle! I just hope we don't go into the Port Joel Trapezoid! Unfortunately that means I'll now have to think of semi-coherent plot points!

[goes to the infirmary]
Doc, will you put down that attractive nurse and give me an update on rachgd's condition? Is it true she finally came out of her coma? Did she mumble anything about taco recipes?

as Homer would say...
whoo-hoooo!
Doctor Morgan, my parentheses key is also to the right of my p key, so I guess our boards are the same. I am writing while standing on my head though, because we Australians are such kooky creatures.
Rachel, lol

Thanks, BTW

Hello Rachgd, It's me.. Lance..
The reason that your apartment is rocking about is because we are in fact not in your apartment building, but somewhere in the middle of the Port Mike Triangle on a cruise ship.
We made a recreation of your apartment because a)we needed new adventures and b) it was thought that when you woke in familar surroundings, you might recover your memory. Any of the major doctors around here can inform you on the rest.

Dr. Howard, Dr. Fein, Dr. Howard report to rachgd's cabin.

Doctor, doctor, giv me the news, I've got a bad case of loving you...

Does anyone know if there's a script doctor around?

Hello! Is anybody there?! Where is everybody!?!

Did everybody decide to go out of town on some cruise or something?

And why do I feel like singing old TV theme songs?

Jetsons, meet the..., Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Heroes..., shipwrecked and comatose..., on a three hour tour..., of course, of course..., go Power Rangers! Go Power Rangers! Go! Go! Gobots...

Megan,it's ok about the BMW,it can be cleaned.

*To self*I still wonder who shot me.Could it be some crazed fisherman who was trying to shoot Lance and got me by mistake?

Oh no,not again.Over hill and highway the banana buggies go,comin' on to bring you the...he's gainin' on you so better look alive,he's busy revin' up a powerful Mach 5...speed of lightning ,roar of thunder,fighting all who rob or plunder.UNDERDOG!UNDERDOG!...I'm one tough gazookus which hates all palookas wot ain't on the up and square...There's nothing like a day out on the beach when all it does is rain.You need somebody else to make the sun come out again...Hong Kong Phooey number one super guy..go,go Power Rangers!

That is it!I'm sick of this crazy stuff.I'm not eating any more of that food.Dr. Evans you get off my lap young lady and let me out of here.You yourself said I was well enough to go.*To self*Why did she keep calling me John?

[Gets up changes back into his clothes and makes his way past the Doctors and Nurses to see Rachgd.]

Hi Rachgd..Lance.I got sick of eating that food.Not to mention singing those tv themes and besides I'm well enough now to walk around now.Also I wanted to see how you're doing.

Oh, I feel dizzy. I feel, I mean, I don't...

I don't wanna wait, for our lives to be over...into each generation one is born...heigh ho, Silver...everybody wants to be, closer to...he used to bring me roses, I wish he would again...I'm the Fresh Prince...Exterminate! Exterminate!...you Mighty Morphin Power...we're the Twins, the Twins of Destiny...League of Justice...Did you ever notice...tell me who can stop my heart as much as you...hello, my baby, hello, my honey, hello, my ragtime gal...ribbit...

This is fun. And an X-File.

Oooh, Moderator - is that allowed?

rushing up to the bridge
Captain.. turn this thing around and get us out of this Triangle!
and also, try to get us some new food..
My friends, I have a theory.. the strange chemicals in the food combined with the effects of the Triangle is what's causing our singing.

Can we at least wait until Matt Peterson sings his version of What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor?

I brought my own food to snack on, in case I got hungry. However, due to the strange chemicals in the ship's food, I'm going to only eat the food I brought. This should hellp me remain level headed. I think I can prescribe some pills that will help negate the effects of the Triangle and the food.

Now, I'm going to take some of these pills, just in case, and then, for not real reason, I'm going to get very, very drunk.

Ahem

Anyway… while rachgd is asleep, I think I'll just mosey on over to her apartment/hospital room, steal the safe (which is doubtlessly the same as the real one) and figure out the combination so I can return to Port Mike, steal he taco recipes, and smite all my enemies! Including ScottN, who KEEPS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!

Bartender, get the bar ready, we're comeing to get drunk.
I hope that the chemicals didn't get into the drinks.

Meanwhile, Megan's double is still being held by the Hired Assassin, and a mysterious man has just planted a bomb in the engine room.

Uh-oh. Mpatterson is going to try to smite me, unless I can convince him I'm not his enemy. Henchman Jennifer, prepare the anti-smite device and bring me some caviar.

Ahem, It's *henchperson* Jennifer not henchman.

This is a good lounge show... Hey look... it's.. it's... JACK JONES!!!!

The LOOOOVVVVVE Boat, Soon will be making another r [a shot rings out] ..urgh...gurugle... argh...

[audience cheers]

I think I'll wander around the lounge..
bumps into somebody Hello.. who are you?
Henchperson Jennifer you say?
well.. glad to meet you. My name is Lance Pepperman.
Shall I buy you drink?

Doctor Bricker, please drop your attractive nurse and report to the lounge. Isaac has reported that famous lounge singer Jack Jones has been shot.

*reality break* There ARE no taco recipes. I wrote above that the taco recipe book is actually Rachel's diary and I am planning to spill the contents just as soon as I get drunk enough. Rachel's taco recipes are all in her head - to get them, you'll have to get in there as well. Don't you see, this is a chance for some classic soapy mind games *end break*

Baaarrrrrrrtenderrrrr! Anuthfer round forrth my friends herrre.

Who shot Jack Jones?Did he get shot by the same person who shot me?Why was he shot?Who shot me anyway?Why am I in the bar?What's in Rachgd's diary if it's not recipes?Why am I talking to myself?Why am I asking so many questions?

Jack, you won't be needing that microphone anymore, will you, hon?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have a dire situation here.. people are getting shot left and right, and we have no entertainment. I think we can fix the latter with.. Karokie, amature comedy, and massive drinking contest night.
drinking my 5th strong drink
Yem.. Thets A gedo drenk.

Victor somehow manages to go and get himself patched up (The bullet only grazed him.).Then limps to the bridge.Using the stars and position of the moon to navigate he sails the ship out of the triangle and back to Port Mike,radios for help,informing the authorites about the food and shootings before collapsing from shock.And standing over him concealed by the shadows is the man who TWICE shot him (His shooters identity still not known to Victor.).

Authorities was spelled right in my preview.I don't know what happened.

This just in.A woman who has been tentatively identified as the infamous drunk Megan has been found barely alive.She had been brutally beaten and was found floating in the Port Mike bay area.With a note saying "We want the recipes."

More news as it comes in tomorrow here on K-MJN 47.

I'm suprised nobody's tried to get me yet..
a shot is heard as Lance crumples to the floor
Oh great.. I've been shot now.. doesn't seem to bad, though..
looking down, noticing the large bullet hole in my stomach
Oh.. I need some medical attention here!
passes out

News just in.The woman who was tentatively identified as Megan is in fact not.This was after the hospital drew blood and tested it on her insistance.It showed her to be of a different blood type.Furthermore there was no trace of alcohol in her system.She died later due to her injuries despite the valiant attempts of the doctors to keep her alive.

The man who shot Victor pulls off a rubber mask and comes out of the shadows and is revealed to be his cousin Morgan posing as one of the people who work for Lance.

Hello,dear cousin.Now we're even.Two wounds for two wounds.Don't ever cross my path again.He leaves just before the authorities board the ship.

Hey, TV-47 is K-NIT in Port Mike! Where is The DOJ when you need them?

K-MJN is number 047 on your radio dial.

wakes up
What.. where am I?
speaking in a delerious way
I am.. Pokemon! Sailor Moon, I am here! It's time for Animaniacs... It's time to Reboot! I think I can, I think I can..
Joel.. trapazoid.. imagine.. superheroes..
what a revoltin' development this is...
regaining senses for just a moment
my friends, I'm afraid you may have to carry on for a while without me while I recover from being shot. It shouldn't take to long.
goes to sleep again

With all these shootings, does this mean we can have more fun with hospital speakers again?

My sources say yes.

Morgan. I had hoped never to see you again. You would have been wise to stay out of my way. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY sells me a box of wine that has gone to vinegar. Do you realise what I had to go through that night to find an open bar? Ah, but I've waited a long time for this.

::Gripping the deck railing, staring dreamily out into the distance.::

Hmmm, at last, sanity. I feel so, so alive, like nothing can hurt me. I am fully recovered from my mysterious gunshot wound (though we never did identify the shooter, did we?), those pesky tv themes are gone, and...here I am on this beautiful ship, on this beautiful night, under these beautiful stars...
Oh, if only there was someone here to share it all with me...

[musing to himself]
It appears that I shall not get those taco recipes from rachgd. Thus I must activate my backup plan... Luckily, I saved all my frequent cruise miles from this trip, and can buy cruise tickets for the entire Port Mike City Council. Then I will use the influence I have bought to gain power!

[pauses]
Wait! What's that little flashing light in the flower vase?

[investigates]
Curses! It's a port-mike-rophone (ed. note, I couldn't resist)! Someone has bugged my room and heard my secret plan! Now I shall have to find them and... eliminate the threat.

I watch Megan as she confronts Morgan.*Note to self*NEVER get on this lady's bad side.

Then I stumble into the hall with shakey legs

Hi Megan.Want to help me teach my cousin a lesson.

Megan and Victor ganging up on me?Well Megan I always say buyer beware.You were already on your way to getting drunk,I'm surprised you remember me.And Victor,you dear cousin have more guts than brains.

Oh my! This man has been shot!

00:50...00:49...00:48...00:47...

waking up Well.. I feel much better now..
wandering up to the deck, walking behind Rachgd as she says that last line Well, hello Rachgd. Aren't the stars beautiful tonight?
Look.. there's the Gemini the twins... and the big dipper... Amazing what you can see when you get out the city.

Oh my gosh! It's a BOMB! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!

Fortunately, I happen to be an electrician. Now, let's see here… cut the blue wire, hurl the thing into the ocean… *A resounding boom sounds as the bomb explodes in the ocean. All the displacd water then comes crashing down, causing a good-sized shower.* Hm. Guess watching "Die Hard" wasn't enough training. This would explain why I never got a degree from that correspondence course. Oh well, at least we're not dead.

But what about that poor fisherman?

*Suddenly, a fisherman's hat and pieces of a rowboat drop onto the deck.*

Well, I guess that takes care of him.

Argh! Now I'll be after me revenge again' that thar Mpatterson feller as well as Pepperman! Ye'll both be a-sleepin' in Davy Jones' Locker afore I'm a-through wi' ye!

Editor's Note: It is customary to allow a bomb to continue to count down for a while after its discovery. That way, we can have several impropmtu "We're going to die" romances, as well as other "deathbed" type revelations.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled soap opera...

Oh, no! Well, they do say never to wear black underwear under white clothes, but who would have predicted that I'd get wet in the middle of all this water? Morgan, this will have to wait. But don't even THINK of trying to escape. I'm not going to kill you, but by the time I'm through, you'll certainly be a changed man...

Well.. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who stops a bomb before it completely counts down.. remember the party near the start of this soap?
Anyway.. back to you Rachgd.. look.. the sun is about to come up. have you ever seen a beautiful sunrise, Rachgd? I see it all the time whenever I see you.

Mr. Fisherman, from what I understand, you have and ax to grind with Mpatterson and ScottN. We seem to have similar goals. Perhaps we should meet at my evil lair at 47 Abandoned Warehouse Street in Port Mike. It's down by the docks, next to Louie the Fishes warehouse.

47 Abandoned Warehouse Street? Wasn't that the place where they used to make French Doors?

[Victor manages to stagger Morgan with a couple of punches.Then he manages to handcuff him with handcuffs he got off of one the people working for Lance.]

You ain't going nowhere Morgan.*To self*And Megan really shouldn't wear black underwear with a white dress.Not that I noticed.;)

Okay, Victor, tie Morgan onto that chair. I'm going to have me a little fun...

[Victor ties Morgan to the chair.]

There you go Megan.

Morgan's henchmen show up and stop Megan and Victor,free him and escape.

Morgan:You'll never get me that easy you two.Muwahahahahahahaha!!

I'm wearing a shirt and swimming trunks.. I could always remove the shirt.. display my well developed body.. the right amount of chest hair.. that sort of thing...

I could go around scantally clad, but who wants to see a 220 pound villian in a speedo.

Oooh! Oooh! We do! We do!
(several members swoon)

Captain Stubing, we have many passengers who have reported to the infirmary, because they were made sick by the sight of a 220 pound villain in a speedo. And, if you don't mind my saying so, it's causing me to spend time away from the attractive nurse.

Well,I'm a 280 pound good guy.Who wants to see that.I'm tired.I've been shot twice by my cousin and got roughed up a little by his henchmen,so I'm going to go get some sleep.

Anyway, can we get back to the soap opera, please? (Although it's kind of hard without rachgd present.) I think I'll call and see if Takeuchi-san can loan me a few more ninjas…

Isn't it interesting that whenever a Morgan shows up in fiction they are are almost always villains?

I'll try not to take it personally.

Considering the weights of Ccabe's Evil Twin and Victor Nightshade maybe this soap should be renamed Portly Mike?

Hey,I'll try not to take comments like yours personally when it comes to my weight.I fought for six long months to lose those first 45 pounds and it hasn't gotten easier to try and lose the rest of that excess weight,but I am doing it.

As for the Morgan thing.I took the name from fiction,so you really shouldn't take it personally.

So what do we do now? wander back to Port Mike, go to Port Joel, or sail the seas some more? Maybe get struck by an iceburg...

Wait... Is that an iceberg? No, it's even worse, it's Celine Dion! HELP US!

My heart will go on...

I think this is getting rather Phantom Returns-ish. Might we abruptly return to Port Mike and pretend that this whole cruise never happened?

calling the captian
Captain, I think we're ready to head back to Port Mike.
Matthew, If we break out the neuralisers and use it on everybody so we can forget the cruise, would that be to Phantom Return-ish?

Yes.

Can we have an accident, wind up on an island and have all sorts of power struggles and mind games a la 'Lord of the Flies'?

Victor/Morgan...congratulations.

Calling Lance from the bridge
Lance,I thought I sailed the ship back to Port Mike earlier on the board using the stars and the position of the moon to navigate.And for whatever reason we never got off the ship.

I say we're back and I'm getting off the ship.

And thank you Megan.:)

Ok,I'm getting confused.Could we have a character briefing on the main characters?We know now who shot Victor.But who shot Rachgd,Lance and Jack Jones?Where are Rachgd and James?

I take it back.

This is James and Rachgd's soap so they should have the final say on if we're back in Port Mike or not.I'm not going to be posting for a few days (I have a mild cold.).So my characters are going to be where they can't be used by anybody in any way,shape or form before I'm ready to bring them back.

And I'm sorry about the whole Megan/Megan double mess (That really taught me a lesson.).

You're right, my friend. we really should let the two of the them decide what we should do. this is their story, after all.
Alright.. so we're back home. now what?

Anyone for drinks : )

Sorry I haven't been around much, but I drunk rather quickly at the bar and left early in the evening. I later wound up in my room, where I've been nursing a hangover.

So did, I miss much?

Author's note- On Thursday, August 26, 1999 - 01:57 pm I declared my indent to get drunk. This led to the bar scenes, where, among other things, Victor got shot.

Ah, Port Mike! How I have missed you! My luxurious apartment, my taco empire, my sugar daddy, my....my James!

It's good to be home.

::Turns to wave to shipboard companions::

Keep in touch, everyone.
Dr. Bricker, and Attractive Nurse, of course: thank you for taking such good care of me.

Dr. Jack: honey, you'll come check up on me, right? I'm still in recovery, you know. By the way, you look good.

Megan, my love: we'll get together for a drink real soon...er, no, did I say drink? What can we drink? Tea. Yes, we'll drink tea.

KAM: er...were you on board?

Lance: well, I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'm flattered by the whole me-as-sunrise metaphor, or whatever, and, yes, admired your scantilly-clad thing - impressive chest hair - but, hey, we can still be friends, right?

And as for you ScottN, Victor, and all of you other people: tell me again why you all come on this cruise with me, anyway? It's all still rather hazy.

I guess it must have something to do with me having been shot, and then in a coma, and then out of a coma, but with amnesia, paralysis and blindness to contend with before my miraculous recovery, huh?

Anyway, it's been a blast. Come, Matthew. We must get back to work. My taco empire won't run itself, you know....

Er, that brings up an interesting point. Just who has been handling all of my business interests while I was away on my - and I don't wanna sound bitter here or anything, but forced - holiday? I do hope there hasn't been a hostile takeover of my company, or anything.

But, no, this is Port Mike. And, really, what are the chances of that happening here?

Oh, dear...

wandering out of the ship Ah.. good to be home..
My goodness.. what happened here?
The city is a mess.. there's graffiti everywhere.. and there's a new and mysterious tower in the center of town...
Hmm.. what does this graffiti say... Garth is king? Rangers do it with coconuts?

Hi,I'm back.(Looks around.)What's going on around here?
Lance?Rachgd?Megan?Dr. Jack B.?Anyone?

Ahhhhh. It's good to be 'King' of Port Mike.

Maybe I'll change the name to Port Garth?

Victor walks home and finds it completely trashed and most of his belongings either gone or destroyed.What's left of his BMW is a smoldering wreck.

Sifting through the debris he finds the entrance to his home security room hasn't been discovered.

He checks his security tapes and sees the slightly blurry image of some teens ransacking his home and spray painting "Garth rules!" and "Rangers for life!" on his walls.

Victor thinking to himself:I'll have to get this tape to Lance.

It's like I said on the cruise.. with most of the main characters on the boat, it gave a naughty evil person the chance to take over the city..

Nah, ain't I a stinker?

You sure are - haven't you heard of that nifty invention, the shower?

I'm sorry, but this is not silly enough. We must make it sillier!

Crazy hats and party favours are passed around

No, no, no, no, no! We must maintain order and a semi-coherent soap opera plot! Otherwise the premise falls apart and we get another JARSO!

*Note to the Moderator.*I agree with "Order in the face of Chaos".I don't want to post on a board like JARSO.If I did,I'd do it there instead of posting here.I suggest we just ignore what Monty Python style Brigadier and Another Announcer posted and continue on with business as usual.

Victor, my dear, I have a feeling they were being sarcastic. Or facaetious. Or whatever that word is that means you say one thing but mean the exact opposite.

Oh. My. God. Look...look at my apartment!

[Looking at Rachgd's apartment.]To Rachgd:Oh.God.I'm so sorry Rachgd.

Whispers to Lance:This security tape from my house shows teens whom I think are the Rangers.And there might be something on it we can use against Garth and to find out what he's been doing while in our beloved Port Mike.Besides the obvious.[Hands the tape to Lance.]You better keep it.

I don't think we're safe out here in the open.Lets get somewhere private so we can figure out what to do next.Any ideas as to where we could go?

My hideout at 3000 Mystery Science lane is available.

I think the hospital is still intact.. and that mansion that I bought so long ago is still around.. we could go there.. We could watch the secutity tape...

Muhahahahahahahhahhaahahah!

Rachgd, has returned from her cruise. Now is the time when we shall put my plan into motion.

Muhahahahahahahaahahahahhhaha!

Having friends over to watch a security tape? I suppose I shall have to break out the good microwave popcorn.

Ah, how how great it is to be home. Now, just let me open the door and...Nooooooo! The maid didn't come while I was on the cru-
A slight ting is heard
While I was out around town...for several days...with luggage...yet somehow without noticing Garth taking over the town... Oh well.
Dr. Jack B. just shrugs it off
Anyway, I guess living on this hill outside of the house was too much of an inconvenience for her.

Note to rachgd: Well, um, I hate to bring this up, but, what about James?

Oh, ****! My apartment! All of my plans of the conquest of Fiji and my sonnets to and about rachgd are gone! I'll have to start all over with my evil schemes! Or maybe I'll turn good and help overthrow Garth.

Like I said before, all good guys can stay at my mansion.. I have plenty of rooms...
It could even be the headquarters of some sort of resistance movement if we want it to be...

Oh, goody. More work for me.

Hmmm, if I know my soaps, Garth will be killed or put in a coma, while all the other major characters were in the area, but don't have alibi's....

But that's just on TV, things like that don't happen in Port Mike..., this is reality.

I guess I won't go to the football game this weekend. That would give me an alabi and I can't have an alibi. I guess I will watch the UConn game on TV. :-(

The mansion's fine with me.And do bring out the good microwave popcorn.I hate the cheap stuff.Lets go!

While Victor and the others go to the mansion.It'll give me more time to plan my next step in my revenge campain against him.And I'll have to think of a good way to take care of Megan.

Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Swings a baseball bat and thunks on Garth's temple. He falls...dead?...coma? He, or anyone who wishes to speak for Garth may decide.

*morning* Oh, where am I? I must have drunk too much again. I can't remember last night at all - I must have passed out. Oh, God. This is some guy's bedroom. I've done it again. *makes up mind to jump out the window before the owner of the bed returns. She does this for reasons which I won't bother psychoanalysing...but it's fortunate for the plotline that she does because she does not meet what will be her alibi, and she also runs without noting WHERE she's running, so if, at a later stage, she requires an alibi, she won't know who or where he was*.

Hmmm, that really DOESN'T make sense. You all get the idea, right?

Lance, you have a lovely home. I am so glad that it was not ransacked and ruined like mine. It seems, while I was in a coma after having been shot by nefarious persons unknown, no one thought to have my French Doors repaired!

But I don't want to sound bitter.

Now, what are we going to do about the state the town is in? That horrible Garth Stone...after all he has done to me, and to my business, not to mention having ruined poor dear Matthew's life, why, I.I...I'll kill him!!!

(You all heard me threaten his life, right?)

And, Victor: James is on holidays. Again. He's such a gadabout!

Pepper: Oh, no! Mr. Stone is dead!

Red: No! he's still breathing!

Slice: Call 911!

Crunch: 9 1 1!

Spicy: Use the telephone!

Fry: I see the 9, but where's the 11?

Luckily none of my French doors were damaged... And thanks Rachgd. I thknk this is a nice place to live also...

Suddenly a rock smashes through Lance's french doors. The note attached to it reads...

"Lance and rachgd, turn over the Secret Taco Recipes!"

Oh,no.What are we going to do about all the french doors,Garth,the Rangers,all the various villians who want the taco recipes and my evil cousin who wants some sort of warped revenge on me and God knows what else!

At least the french doors in my french door factory (A side business of mine.) should be intact.Uh-Oh,I shouldn't have said that.

And Rachgd,it was Dr. Jack B. who asked about James.

Alright.. I'm installing something new.. Spanish doors.. or maybe a set of French doors, this time shatterproof.
Picking up the rock and throwing it out into the night
Strangly enough, it just happens to be mid afternoon.

AAHHHH!!! There's an unexpected total solar eclipse!!!! Help!!!!

...fortunately only three goats were sacrificed.
In other news, beloved philanthropist Garth Stone...
(reaches up to his earphone)
Just a moment.

He didn't sign the papers? He doesn't own the station?

Yes!

Ruthless 'busnessman' Garth Stone was found bludgeoned in his home, he is currently in a coma, but doctors are not expecting him to recover.
Garth recently acheived fame by buying up various businesses in and around Port Mike. There is no word on who will take over his business empire, as he had no children and his wife is listed as deceased.
We can only hope whoever takes over his business, takes down that eclipse machine that caused a panic earlier today.

And now for sports...

Sitting around with the rest of the group, watching the newscast
I wonder who will take over for Garth? Rachgd? Victor? Myself?

This just in. Our new Mayor, ScottN, has announced plans to turn Port Mike into "The Taco Capital of the World".

[ed note] you guys are just jealous because you didn't think of it first! [end ed note]

Wouldn't the election of a new mayor take place in November? With the swearing at, I mean in, to take place in January?

Unless, ScottN was the Vice-Mayor all this time.

I order the police to arrest Visitor #25. We can't have nitpickers here in Port Mike, it's bad for the public morale!

Since when was ScottN elected mayor? He was with us on that cruise all that time! That's it. I've decided to turn good and marry rachgd. Evil just makes too little sense. That is, uh, if you'll have me, Rachel?

Morgan who was listening in to Matt with an electronic bug.

Being evil makes plenty of sense to me!It's how I made my fortune!If I weren't evil.I don't know what I'd do with all my time.And I'd be poor.Maybe I can start a hostile takeover of Victor's french door business and make it into a chain of pizza stands!

Muwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Lance,since Garth has been taken care of (more or less.).Maybe we should concentrate on ScottN and the other villians in this town.

[Victor gets a call on his cell phone.]

WHAT?!What do you mean my cousin bought the controlling stock in my french door business?He what?Pizza stands!

I suppose it is time to deal with the other villians.. maybe we could get a few new ones..
Perhaps we should stop your cousin..

Hmmm...very interesting. Mr Stone has been a very...VERY...naughty boy (winks at no one in particular because no one is there). I'm sure I can use these (gathers up the files hidden in the no longer secret safe - not only is she a long-distance swimmer, she is also a first class thief).

Hey, did you hear a noise coming from Mr. Stone's den?

Yeah. Let's check it out!