For those of who were viewing at home here again are the winners.
Let's hope they can say a few words before this board is closed.
Alright.. everything's hooked up. As I said before Inspector, it's time to get home.. and quickly..
Sensors indicate a horde of flying monkeys heading this way, the life/afterlife barrier has been breeched, and all sorts of evil people are vowing revenge on me.
The sky begins to boil as nature collapses in upon itself. The heavens are rent as stars burst and explode. The universe fades and ceases to exist, just as Tacoman and Inspector Mystery teleport to the past. And they just missed the return of the Great Zarquon.
Great Zarquon: Hello, there. Do I just have a min...
Well Inspector, we're home.
Greetings Pattie. I trust everything is well?
(clicks heals of his evil Italian shoes together)
There's no place like Starbucks.
There's no place like Starbucks.
There's no place like Starbucks.
Hamburger Pattie, good to see you again. anything exciting while we were gone? You won't believe the adventure we just had.
Tacoman! Inspector!
Good to have you back!
Nothing much going on here. Although my two mice seem to have disappeared.
{meanwhile in another part of tacoheadquarters Ens. Redshirt is investigating a secluded corrider} Hmmm. thats funny I dont remember seeing this small corrider on the blueprints. whats that sound? Oh no not you!!! must reach com pin, Tacoman, Inspector, Help!!! arggg. {to be continued}
What's that Ensign? speak up...
Inspector, One of the security officers just called.. All I heard was him saying "Help!!! Arggg." and a strange noise in the background..
It's lucky that the computers made a record of the call..
Hmm.. let's see.. huh... it came from am unknown corridor somewhere in this base..
Hmmmm. An unknown corrider you say. I have an idea. Computer, give us a diagram of tacoheadQuarters and overlay it with any unknown corriders that are not on the offical blueprint. computer also scan for anyone in the facillity with low bioreadings. Hmmm there is someone down just off of level 4 section 7 we are going to have to do a sight to sight transport. hsve a security team waiting for us with phaser rifles.
I suggest we transport a little ways off from the readings in order not to scare whoever's down there..
Tacoman to security team.. meet us at level 4 section 7. Bring phaser rifles. There's something down there that needs investigating.
Meanwhile a shadowy like figure is draging the dead ensign several yards from where it struck him down. The thing makes a sound thats a cross between a garbage disposel and a rapid dog, and then it vanishes.
Darn! I have to fix this dumb teleporter. It won't stop making terrible noises before it engages! (banging on teleport device) KER-ZAP! Oops!
Inspector, look.. it's the security officer that called.. What do you make this, my friend?
looking up KER-ZAP? that's an odd noise..
And could someone please run another sensor sweep to determine what we've got here?
Hmm. it looks like he may have been dragged several yards to this spot. Ensign O'Neill, what have your sensor readings found?
Sir, according to my readings. the amount of Tachyons is at a reading of .000047%, and it seems there may have been transporter activity in the past several minutes.
Alright.. so we know someone was here, mauled an ensign, dragged the body here, and then transported out of here..
The next questions are.. who did this, and where did they go?
Three superheros went into the uncharted regions of Tacoheadquarters. They were never seen again. Three years later, their video cameras were found.
Inspector, someone or something has gotten into Tacoheadquarters and the alarms didn't go off...
I don't like that. It annoys me.
And please.. no Taco witch projects..
Hmmm. We are looking for someone who has the Ability to bypass our security proticals. sounds like an example of BANNED. It also sounds some thing like Spiderman's arch enemy Venom. I have an idea. {slaps com badge} I.M to engineering could you whip up something that would tell us if anything that is not in the normal spectrum is invading HeadQuerters. I.m. out.
(Meanwhile, hidden in the shadows where they can't be seen, a pair a bunny slippers scurry along the ground and keep an eye on the three people.)
Ensign O'Neill, I suggest you and the rest of security rig up something to disrupt stealth technology. We are about to engage the enemy and we need to be ready. {ominous DS9 music in the background.}
Wait a minute.. I hear something (yes, I happen to have really good hearing)
It sounds like something shuffling nearby...
listens again, but the sound doesn't repeat
Hum.. must have been my imagination.
So ummm Is Rachel here? I see her name in the title, But, well, Frankly I am confused. I guess Kentucky will do that to ya.
Yes, I reckon it does.
Suddenly energy discharges burst out of nuclear waste dumps on the moon!
Soon, there is a tremendous explosion and the moon starts moving out of orbit!
In Port Mike, people look up and say, "I didn't know the Taco Rangers were on the moon?"
Looking at the moon through a handy telescope
Yes.. but what does this have to do with the mysterious stranger in Taco headquarters?
Inspector, do you think there's a way we can construct a giant tractor beam to bring the moon back into orbit? We could try with the tacoship, but I don't know if it has enough power...
Hmm.. if an explosion is set off at just the right spot on the moon, then it may move back into orbit.. but that may obliterate the rest of the moon...
What if we were to have the Taco Rangers combine their tacozords into the megatacozord then utilize tacoheadQuarters energy beacon to create a curve vector that would push the moon back into orbit. we would have to reverse the nuetron flow in both our headquarters and the zords but I am confident enough that we would be able to do this.
Except that Furbitoman made the Super Taco Rangers disappear and we haven't found a trace of them since.
(A dimensional rift opens, and a large figure in glimmering blue-black armor emerges.)
Uh, hi. This isn't R'effereek Beach, is it? Darn, I thought I fixed my cellular transporter. Sorry to bother you folks. (Peers at Tacoman) Say, you look familiar. Don't I know you from somewhere? Hmmm, I guess not. Oh well, see you.
(The figure opens another rift, steps into it, and disappears.)
Fluffy, fetch the moon and put it in place again.
I wonder who the large fellow was.
And if the Fluffy idea doesn't work, I happen to know where the Store of Badguys is.. We could pick up a large tractor beam there.. Yeah.. I get the catalog.. It helps me keep up with badguy technology.
I may a poodle who is the size of a building who is able to speak English, but flying into space and pushing the moon back into orbit is not something I can do.
Come on, be realistic here.
Darn it Jim, I"m a doctor not an engineer!!!
Alright Fluffy, just an idea..
Inspector, break out the giant tractor beam!
Condition of the moon please.
Geez.I wish I could help ya out Tacoman.But all I got is my essence.BAM!
Um.. Yeah...
Anyway...
I'm an Engineer, not a doctor; perhaps I could be of assistance?
I'm a Pre-Med Student, not a doctor; but if you wait a few years....
Um Yeah Ccabe.. We need something to bring the moon back.. It seems that the moon has shifted out of orbit. and right now, it appears to be somewhere between Earth and Mars..
When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter collides with Mars...
The moon has moved 47.5 feet from it's current location so we better move quickly. I shall activate the tractor beam.
Darn! I knew putting all that nuclear waste on the moon was a big mistake!
rachdvl: The explosions on the moon have destroyed Darth Myers. So are there any objections to inviting Ccabe's Evil Twin to join us, now?
(The rest of the council has no objections.)
Alright.. activing tractor beam... we have the moon in our grasps...there.. the moon is back in place. Now to deal with the mysterious stranger who invaded headquarters.
Inspector, have you found anything new about our intruder?
I have been taking some readings. and I have found out something very strange, whoever he is he seems to be emiting low levels of gamma radiation as well as chroniton radiation, I mentioned this earlier but this person also seems to have the ability to bypass our security protecals. I think we have someone very dangerous on our hands, old friend, I recommend we go to red alert and issue every one phasers. I also recommend we do phaser sweeps every 20 minutes. maybe we can flush this sucker out into the open.
Hmm.. chroniton indicates that time is involved...and who knows what the gamma radiation means...
Good idea Inspector. Also, conduct sensor sweeps on all bands.
Horrible mutations.I ought to know.
Gamma radiation means horrible mutations.I ought to know.
Here's my corrected post.Sorry.
Inspector, I recommend that we send various expendible extras to various cracks and crevices of headquarters with tricorders so they can search for our "friend"
and what happened to the other people in our story? Darth, Megan, Pattie, Naomi even?
Most of the cast has disappeared..
I suppose Darth and Megan ran away together...
Having a wonderful time.
Wish you were here.
Darth & Megan
I'm having a wonderful time in the future buying up tons of future tech. I hope I didn't stir up too much chronoton radiation.
Glad your not here,
Ccabe's Evil Twin
Hmm.. I wonder if the latter postcard is related to our own problem...
Inspector, is there any way to pinpoint where the chroniton radiation came from? Any way to pinpoint a specific time?
Hmmm. let me do a sensor sweep. I'll have to recalibrate the ion node by siphoning power from the hydrox interface as well as realigning the regal polerizer. I might be able to get an answer. Hmmm, according to these readings, it came from {dramatic Pause} the year 2347. I am getting a call from one of the teams we sent out. they have engaged some sort of robot in battle.
Inspector, be glad you put "in battle" or I would have asked when the wedding would have been..
Grab a gun and follow me Inspector. We have a robot to meet.
in a few minutes, the robot has been sited by the intreped heros Inspector, what do you make of that robot?
hmmm. sensors indicate the robot is comprised of a quad-lithium compound. perhaps another reading will tell us of any weak spots. men concentrate your phasers on the very center of the robot's abdominal region. {the blasts are successful and the robot is badly damaged} Well another one bites the dust.
Anyone here?
Shhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting bunny slippers.
Shhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting Elmers!
Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting time twaveling beings.
Odd, very odd we seem to to have a bunch of Warner Bros. charactors runing around here. Now where did they all come from all of a sudden.
Hmm.. there seems to be a tempory dimentional vortex that leads to a cartoon world.
the vortex closes, taking the characters with it there.. that's better.
So Inspector, have you discovered anything new about either the robot or the time travel stuff while you were in the computer room?
(a dramatic flash of light and Hamburger Pattie flips onto the scene)
I'm baaaack!
(notices no one around)
Hmmmph! What's the point of these dramatic entrances if no one is around to notice?
* REALITY BREAK! *
It's pretty obvious JARSO is dead (and been misnamed for at least 4 boards), so why not just wrap everything up in one big storyline. Furbitoman, the Council of Evil, the mysterious disappearances in Taco HQ, the Bunny Slippers (what's that all about?) and whatever else has been left dangling. Then we put THE END on this storyline and if anyone tries to create another JARSO board we pelt them with rocks and garbage. (That or the bone-crushing.) If anyone wants to continue using their characters, they can take them over to LICC or create a new superhero board in a parallel universe (with a different name.)
Does that sound OK to everyone?
* END REALITY BREAK *
(miffed at the interruption)
Authors! Just because they create and write you, they think they can control you. Hmmph!
sounds good to me
looking at a nearby console
My god.. Look at this Inspector, according to these readings, Taco HQ AND the tacoship are set to explode very, very soon.. and I don't think there's anything we can do to stop it.
Muahahahahahahahahahhaahahahhaahhahh!
Muhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah!
Warning, giant explosion that will wipe out both Taco HQ and the city above will occur soon.
By the way, I am the regular computer personality. I have no idea where the Rachdvl virus is at the moment.
Tacoman, I recommend we abandon ship poste haste. when we have made it to safety, we can investigate that matter further.
Tacoman, since you destroyed rachdvl's Computer Virus it's unlikely to come back, unless someone made a copy and reloaded it into your computer.
Inspector Mystery, when did you and Tacoman get on the ship? Last I knew you were under Taco HQ. Also the explosion will destroy the whole city, where were you planning to run to?
Megan, aren't you and Darth living happily ever after somewhere?
Hi, Pattie, welcome back.
Oh, look, the Super Taco Rangers have returned.
Wow! We're back!
We were in another dimension and met another Tacoman! They was also a robot that looked like Pattie, but it exploded.
We helped these heroes fight off a bunch a mean little guys, who just disappeared for no apparent reason.
I geuss we scared them off.
It's great to be back in good old Port Mike.
So anything exciting happen since Renal Refusal died?
I'll get that Tacoman! Fortunately I have a backup to rachdvl's Computer Virus and shall use my excellant computers to... Wait, something's wrong?
Someone has loaded a virus into my system!?! Impossible!
There's a message:
Macintosh Rulez!!!
Burn in Silicon Hell!!!
Love Mpatterson
Darth Gates and all his computers are destroyed in the explosion.
small explosions start rocking Taco HQ
Looks like the beginning of the end.
Inspector, to an escape pod!
Inspector Mystery and Tacoman enter and escape in an escape pod just as Taco HQ explodes in a firestorm of unmercy. Unfortunatly, the shockwave hits the pod and throws the heros off course
Is this finally.. The End?
For you maybe, but I have some dangling plot threads to take care of first.
(Suddenly the heroes find themselves in a strange room. A pair of Bunny Slippers lead the heroes to an arm chair, made out of arms. In the chair is a Smoking Jacket, smoking a pipe.)
Ah, welcome to Sub-Reality.
Watch your head on the chandelier, Fluffy.
(Somehow the ceiling was the same distance over the heads of all the heroes, despite the difference in their heights.)
Sub-Reality is to Reality what the Subconscious is to the Conscious. It lies underneath the surface, and is where impossible things dwell.
(An Ottoman suddenly runs into the room chased by a Couch.)
Settle down! We have guests.
(The Couch & Ottoman lie down.)
Anyway, for most people Sub-Reality is where ideas come from, but there are those who can tap into it and make impossible things happen in Reality, and that is dangerous.
Small things like Tacos that contain the recipe for Cold Fusion, or even the occasional Superheroes and Supervillains are within the margin of safety, but forces have been tapping into Sub-Reality, draining it and altering Reality with it. Already the End Of Time which was billions of years in the future, has moved. Tacoman & Inspector Mystery were only millions of years in the future when they experienced the End Of Time and now it is currently thousands of years in the future. If the Council Of Evil, and Furbitoman are not stopped from plundering Sub-Reality, the end Of Time will continue moving until it reaches Today, then Yesterday, and so on, until it reaches the Beginning Of Time and nothing will ever exist!
(The heroes are stunned by this information.)
Oh, I'm sorry, I've been a bad host. Would any of you like something to drink?
Um.. Yeah.. what do you have? Is there a menu somewhere?
I supposed if I asked for tea, I would get the letter T, right?
So, what would you have us do?
I say we gather up our troops and spring into action. It looks like we have a real Cosmic Crisis on our hands here.
I would also suggust that with the nature and scale of this crisis we attempt to contact everyone that we have teamed up with to aid us.
Why my dear, Tacoman, you can have whatever drink you would like.
(A giant toilet bowl appears for Fluffy.)
As for what to do, well, you must stop or destroy those who are draining Sub-Reality. Furbitoman, the Council of Evil & Ccabe's Evil Twin are the most dangerous.
rachdvl: Have the explosions succesfully destroyed the heroes?
Darth Flunky: There is no trace of the heroes to be found.
rachdvl: Excellent!
Darth Extra: rachdvl! Darth Gates has been destroyed!
rachdvl: What!?!
If I understand you correctly then don't we heroes also use Sub-Reality for our powers?
Excuse me, Mr. Jacket, but my headquarters and my ship were just destroyed in an explosion not to long ago. If we accept this mission, will you give me a ship?
Yes, Pattie, you heroes do use Sub-Reality, but once the villains have been stopped, I would hope that you would give up your 'powers' at least until the balance has been restored to normal, or whatever approximates normal in this universe.
It is you, Tacoman, who must create your ship. I can only channel Sub-Reality, it is only the denizens of Reality who can use it.
Sorry to be such a nitpicker on this. (Chuckles at own joke.)
If I could use it I would have stopped the villains myself, but instead have had to settle for channeling it to those whose wishes could eliminate those who abuse it. Fans of Space: 1999 thinking about the moon leaving orbit on September 13, and since this action would destroy Darth Myers, I channeled Sub-Reality so they made it come true. Mpatterson wishing for the destruction of Darth Gates, same thing.
(A clock appears and as the hand sweeps around the dial it begins to disappear.)
However, there is not enough time to use these minor measures against all those who are abusing Sub-Reality, so I need you to strike before it is too late.
(The heroes find themselves standing in the rubble of what used to be Tacoheadquarters.)
Hurry.
So do we break up into teams and take them on at the same time, or pick one target, like the Council of Evil, and worry about the others afterward?
Well, the first thing to do is...
thinking about a large new Tacoship, with the best of everything. After a few minutes, the new ship materalizes into view
Well Fluffy, I would imagine that when you find the Council of Evil, you will find the others.
You know.. once we confront the villians, we might be able to use the power or Sub-Reality to somehow defeat them...
Alright, everybody into the ship and take a station.
I've entered the coordinates of the Council of Evil into the ship. Just say the word and we can go in with guns blazing.
Good. Pattie, ready all weapons, including... the photonic cannon...
Alright.. let's kick some bad guy behind.
Hahahahahahahahahaha! You think you can stop the Council Of Evil? Well, I, Darth Juan Valdez and my magical donkey shall stop y....
(The Super Salsa Ultra-Mega-Zord squishes Darth Juan Valdez flat.)
Super Taco Rangers: All right! Now let's kick Darth Juan Valdez's ass.
(A well placed kick sends the donkey flying into a nearby volcano)
Hmmph. I think they stole my line.
yes, but it was clever.
All right if they're coming here we must stop them. Assemble all that's evil. They must go through the gauntlet of a hundred and one Darths, or they will if Ccabe's Evil Twin ever gets here.
Or does he call himself Darth Ccabe's Evil Twin now?
What? You say Darth Juan Valdez and his mule are dead? Very well then, 99 Darths to go.
Sensors indicate that the coordinate's the ship is heading for have been stretched out like a tunnel and we'll be encountering evil along the way.
The ship's censors are working though, so we won't have to worry about running into anything ••••••. ;-)
(Suddenly 4 figures appear in the ship)
4 Figures: We are the Darths John Byrne, Marv Wolfman, Paul Levitz & the combined horror of Darth Giffbaum! With our poison pens we shall change your names, personalities and histories.
(While the figures were talking Fluffy used Sub-Reality to create a bazooka filled with sharp paper, which he fires cutting the Darths to ribbons with paper cuts.)
Now if only we could run into some English comic book writers next.
95 to go.
(another figure appears and says)
I em Dorth Bod Speeler. I wll distruy yoo!
(Pattie picks up a book)
Would it kill you to use a dictionary?
(throws the book at the figure killing him)
Well, I guess it would.
Are we supposed to keep a running total here?
Maybe make it a sing-a-long?
95 little Darths on the way
95 little Darths
Take one down
A lifeless mound
94 little Darths on the way
Gee, Fluffy, I guess the censors aren't stopping everything that's ••••••. ;-)
Sensers idicate subspace appenditures are appearing all over the and Darths are coming out of them we must find a way to shut them down.
Hmm.. I wonder what's the next Darth to appear..
feeling a tap on his shoulder, Tacoman turns around, only to be confronted by Darth Bad Fanfic
Darth: With my mighty computer, I will insert myself into your story, mak u spul badely, and cause you to have bizarre sex scenes.
Tacoman: I know of only one way to stop you and that is...
Calls out the Msting squad, ready to make fun of this Darth
Squad: Look.. Richard Basehart!
Darth: Noooo!!!! disappears
Well, another one bites the dust, as they say.
Oh, so it's okay for you to make fun of others, but not us?
You shot me for doing that! And now you're going to pay.
Hahahahahahahahaha
I MISS Rachel, SIGH, been gone too long, Can someone do me a favor and give a brief summary of the last ohhh 2 months or so? Thank Ya!!!!
More superhero shtick, a lot of disinterest for weeks at a time, and we're wrapping the whole thing up and calling it quits.
Oh, and the Nitty awards will be presented as soon as I draw the award.
If you miss Rachel, why not send her an email? (Frankly, if you'd done that in the first place, I never would have made the sarcastic comment that led someone to create this board in the first place.)
(while Darth Tom Crow and Darth Servo were distracted by James & KAM's sudden interruption, Pattie used a trash compactor to crush the two little robots into a paperweight)
Nothing like recycling to help the environment.
BTW I thought KAM was really a Klingon named Monok and didn't James have superpowers once?
91!
Hey, that's right. And he took control of me as well.
(Fluffy grabs KAM and starts tugging on his hair)
Nope, it's not a mask. I guess this is a real person.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
That hurt.
And you're right Pattie, that was someone else using my name. I've never posted on these boards before in my life. *gulp*
And whoever wrote those mean things about my sense of humor should pay! Was that ScottN in disguise?
Ghosties and ghoulies and long legged beasties and things that go bump in the night...
(thud as yet another Darth is run over by the Super Salsa-Ultra-Mega-Zord)
Whooo-Hooo! Another one!
This is almost as much fun as hitting rabbits on a country road
So how many does that make?
Uh, carry the two and... um... 48 Darths to go
(thud)
47!
A new superhero appears aboard the Tacoship
I am French Door Man! Sworn enemy of Ccabe's Evil Twin!
I will make him pay for all the Pane and Shuttering he has caused French Door lovers!
He has shattered peoples lives, cut some to the quick and even framed others and I intend to slam him into a cell, lock the door and throw away the key.
The man is a real pain in the glass.
Welcome to the Tacoteam, French Door Man...
Hmm.. sounds like a superhero on "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Announcer: Live from the Clayton Forrester Theatre in downtown Port Mike, the Weird Capital of the World, we present the 1999 Nitty Awards!
Yes the Nitty Awards, where we spend 3 hours just to give away 2 dinky little awards.
And now here's Billy Crystal with his opening song parody!
(95 minutes later)
Shirley MacLaine: ...and the best thing is that one day I will be reincarnated as our winner.
\image[Best Actor]
(101 minutes of cheesy dance numbers later)
Charlton Heston: ...these awards show just how much every vote counts, as only one person actually bothered to vote.
\image[Best Actress]
Whoops! We appear to have had a small technical difficulty.
For those of who were viewing at home here again are the winners.
Let's hope they can say a few words before this board is closed.
You like me! You really like me!
Er, sorry, having a Sally Field moment there.
Um...well...this is all so much..I mean, I never expected...it's all so...
Well, gosh, thanks.
And...um...bye.
Thank you. And goodnight.
What, you think I know what he'd want to say? That James has been away far too much, just lately, living the crazy life in some Ricky Martin-esque manner. Infact, I propose that we don't even mention this award to him. He's already become insufferable enough!
Personally, I would have given the award to Darth...
(Private Message. Select the next line only if you're James):
Heh. Love ya, J. Wherever the hell you are this week....;)
Bye now.
Maybe you should have voted then.
Mary Hart: Well, filming on the set of JARSO didn't go smoothly the day after the Nitty Awards were announced. As this footage shows.
(Film clip of Hamburger Pattie staggering around getting into her chair, as the director reads a line)
Pattie: The... the sensors show... Oh [bleep]! Why didn't I win! [bleep]! bleep]! [bleep]! I work my bulletproof [bleep] off and this is the [bleep] way I'm rewarded. [bleep] Maybe I should have slept with the judges. (Head falls forward onto the console)
Mary Hart: Pattie's agent says that she just celebrated a little too much after the award show and will be at work tomorrow. Producers say they are glad Matt Patterson is no longer on the show as he had been nominated twice and also lost.
I guess no award for me this year... darn..
[And now for something completely different... getting back to the story]
Pattie, baby. Why are you trying to destroy the Council Of Evil? We can make you a star, you know.
[Pattie flips out of her chair, across the room and rams a stake through the Producer's chest]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Pattie, you slay me. You can't kill a producer by stabbing him in the heart because Producers don't have hearts. Anyway I was thinking about giving you a show where you run around the beach in a bikini...
[Pattie pulls the stake out of his chest and runs it through his bulging hip pocket]
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[Sleazy Producer Type turns into a pile of dust]
Pattie: That's right. To kill a Producer you stab him through the wallet.
Hamburger Pattie & Tacoman. You'd both be better crimefighters if you changed your names to Frankfurter.
a hotdog cart crushes the Frank Conspiracy
Egad the Frank Conspiracy is everywhere
Yes. It'll take a week to clean them out of the deck plates.
My God... there are people named Frank everywhere!
there're crawling all over the Tacoship!
Not to mention a few Teds and Larrys.
Good thing you told us you were being strange or we never would have noticed.
Now to further injure you with my cutting wit.
Suddenly he slips on a banana peel and falls into a cream pie
Aaaaaaaah!
Killed by Slapstick, the lowest form of humor!
*gurgle*
dies
(In a flash of light a scantily clad man appears claiming to be Leonardo Gilderoy. Pattie rips off his mask to reveal...)
Darth Really Bad Idea!
(Grabbing light bulb from over her head she breaks it and slits his throat)
(aside) Let that be the fate of any plot twister who tries to outdo me at my own game.
Suddenly, a large lightning bolt strikes the Tacoship
My god.. It's Darth Pikachu!
Darth: PIKACHU!!!!
Release the giant Pokeball!
the giant Pokeball is hurled at Darth Pikachu, catching and trapping him
Quote:Darth: PIKACHU!!!!
Hi!
Bye!
Leaves.
Crazy place this.
Cap'n, there be Furbys here!
What can I do to bring that evil Suzy Wood out into the open.
(turns to SW6)
Of course, you're her clone! I'll use you!
SW6: *gulp* No, wait...
(Furbito Man motions and SW6 is wracked with pain as sympathetic vibrations carry to the real Suzy Wood)
Hamburger Pattie: Aaaaaah! (Pattie's body begins vibrating and then she vanishes from the Tacoship to reappear in Furbito Man's lair)
What's this? I wanted Suzy Wood, not you!
Hamburger Pattie: (removes her mask) How did you ever become a scientist with being able to spot the obvious. I am Suzy Wood!
*Join us next time for The Secret Origin Of Hamburger Pattie!!!*
rachdvl: Too many of our forces are being destroyed. We'll have to split up the opposition and destroy them. Send the Sith Zord to attack the Taco Rangers, and for the Tacoship... Darth Nixon?
Darth Nixon: Yes?
rachdvl: Prepare the Darth Star. I want to see Tacoman obliterated.
(The James & rachgd Orchestra plays dramatic music)
Hey... where did Pattie go?
Hmm.... What's that on screen? Magnify..
My god... It's the Darth Star...
Would you like me to ready the power dispersel units?
How would that help, Inspector?
Tacoman to my allies... now is the moment we have been fighting countless darths for..
Inspector, evasive maneuvers.
Taco rangers, prepare to fire on the Darth Star.
Fluffy.. Stand by.
(The Super Salsa-Ultra-Mega-Zord takes aim at the approaching Darth Star when suddenly it is attacked by the Sith Zord. The blow knocks both Zords into downtown Port Mike, fortunately the Veterans hospital cushions the Super Salsa-Ultra-Mega-Zord's fall.)
So, you want a fight do you? (Pushes the fisticuffs button and two boxing gloves form on the Zord.) Charge! (They attack the Sith Zord, but it proves resistant to their attack and knocks them backward into City Hall.)
Arming weapons! Fire! (Chili pepper torpedoes, melted cheese bombs and spicy lasers are fired at the Sith Zord, but still it is not enough to stop it.)
Unbelievable! It's still standing and not even scratched!
We'll have to use the Super Taco Sword.
Super Taco Sword, Slice!
(The Super Taco Sword glows and the Super Salsa-Ultra-Mega-Zord slices at the Sith Zord, which breaks the Super Taco Sword with a sword of pure blackness.)
No! It stopped our most powerful weapons! What do we do now?
Uh, What if we pushed this button that says, "Don't ever, ever, ever push this button, unless all else fails!"
(The Sith Zord prepares to strike the Super Salsa-Ultra-Mega-Zord with it's sword of pure blackness.)
All: Let's do it!
(As the sword of pure blackness hits the Super Salsa-Ultra-Mega-Zord a burst of the purest light emanates from the Super Salsa-Ultra-Mega-Zord and causes the Sith Zord to explode. The now powerless teenagers hit the street rolling in their street clothes.)
ex-Spicy: Wow! There's nothing left!
ex-Tan: Of the street or the Zords?
ex-Brown: There's parts of some buildings standing.
ex-Green: So that's it? We're powerless?
ex-Red: Yeah. Seems that way.
ex-Orange: So does that mean we have to get real jobs now?
The Rangers are gone now!
Tacoman! Perhaps we should power up the Photonic ca... Aaaaagh!
(Darth Ccabe's Evil Twin appears behind French Door Man with a tuning fork, causing the hero to shatter. Summoning all of his remaining willpower, he forces the shards of himself to slice DCCET to pieces and they both die.)
WE have just lost the TacoRangers and French Door Man and shields are down to 80% What shall we do now?
Inspector, prepare to fire... the PHotonic Cannon!
Inspector, you may fire when ready.
And if that doesn't work, I have another plan ready, but I wish to use it only as a last resort.
(Faced with her arch-foe, Pattie did what any self-respecting superhero would do. She had a flashback.)
Years Earlier
(Shy, modest, small-chested, Suzy Wood, working as a lab assistant. The profesor had been working on a time machine, using a Furby as a test subject.
One lunch break he tried to get a piece of assistant.)
Professor!
Prof: Call me Frank.
(She shoved her burrito into his face, and kicked him backwards. Her leg being very muscular from years of gymnastic training. He went back into one of the two machines and it activated.
Unbeknownest to them the machine had tapped into Sub-Reality. There was a flash of energy and the Professor, Furby & burrito disappeared. The energy discharge knocked Suzy backwards, doubling her in her personal timeline.)
Suzy 1: What the...?!
Suzy 2: Who are you?
(When they touched hands they became one again, then the other machine flashed to life, and out burst a bizarre combination of man, Furby & burrito.)
Furbito Man: You evil woman! Look what you've done to me! I will destroy you!
(Before he could do anything, the temporal instability that allowed Suzy to double pulled her out of the time stream. Although she didn't realize it.*)
What the...? How did I get here? And that clock is all wrong.
(Meanwhile, Furbito Man had created 5 clones of Suzy and was using them to commit crimes.)
Police: Stop! Or we'll shoot!
(Panicked she ran and shots rang out, and unknowingly, Suzy tapped the power of Sub-Reality to make herself bulletproof.**)
Wow!
(Then she dramatically flipped over a fence to get away, but eventually ran into Hamburgermeister & Burger Boy. She explained her story.)
Burger Boy: Holy Cow!
Hamburgermeister: Yes, but in his effort to make you look guilty he made a mistake by making so many clones. Crimes were committed in too many places at one time. Let us go to this lab and find him.
(Suzy was ordered to stay inside the Purple Cow.***)
I wish there were some way I could help.
(Suddenly her clothes transformed in a superhero costume.)
I must be able to do magic. I'd better study it after this. Hmmm, I wonder...
(Suddenly her breasts increased in size.)
That's better. I've been waiting for that since puberty.
(She dramatically flipped into the room, where Hamburgermeister & Burger Boy were fighting a losing battle with Furbito Man.)
Stop, fiend!****
(A blast of energy flew toward her and she split into two. Hamburgermeister used this distraction to knock Furbito Man into one of the time machines and Suzy reprogrammed it into a loop. Both machines disappeared in flash. Afterwards they captured the five criminal clones and discovered a sixth.*****)
Burger Boy: Stampeding Steers! What do we do with her?
Let her be Suzy Wood. From now on, you can call me... Hamburger Pattie!******
Author's Notes:
* Hamburger Pattie's temporal instability has been mentioned on the Phantom Returns boards.
** Although rarely used, her bulletpoof abilities were mentioned in one of her first posts on the Phantom Returns boards.
*** The Purple Cow is Hamburgermeister & Burger Boy's flying, invisible car.
**** Cheesy dialogue is a natural for superheroes.
***** Hence the term SW6.
****** Now I know why I put this off for so long. Pure Limburger.
(The Darth Star is hit by the Photonic cannon and great chunks are blown off, but it still remains mostly intact)
rachdvl: What was that, Darth Nixon?
Grand Moff Nixon: Some kind of high energy weapon, but we should still be able to blast the Tacoship. And while on the Darth Star, my title is Grand Moff Nixon!
rachdvl: Yes, sorry, Grand Moff Nixon, carry on. (Whispers to Darth Unimportant) Prepare my personal shuttlecraft.
Hmm... didn't work as planned... Alright, we go to my second idea.
getting on the comm system Attention all hands left on the ship, prepare to evacuate.
Using the powers of Sub-Reality, Tacoman converts all escape pods into small shuttles
Inspector, go to the escape shuttle just off the bridge. I'll join you soon.
My plan, you ask? why, we let them take us... but watch...
using Sub-Reality powers again, Tacoman conjurs up three large and powerful warp drives, each with the explosion power of a small sun
Now, I just get to the bridge shuttle, set up self destruct, escape, and let the Darth Star capture the ship.
entering the shuttle Alrght...self-destruct is on and the countdown corresponeds with the time the Darth Star takes to capture the ship and take it into the shuttle bay.
contacting the Darth Star Alright, we surrender. prepare to take our ship.
Inspector, get us out of here.
They're going to get a bang out of this.
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!
(rachdvl watches the destruction of the Darth Star on her rear monitors.)
Pity. Now I shall have to start a new Council of Evil. A stronger, more powerful, more evil Council.
(Takes a bite of a taco)
Yes, the world has not heard the last of... Wait a minute! This is one of rachgd's tacos!
(Suddenly the recipe for cold fusion takes effect and rachdvl is destroyed in the most powerful fart known to man.)
KABOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!
The shock wave from the double explosions reach the escape shuttle carrying Tacoman and Inspector Mystery, causing it to spin out of control, while inside the shuttle, things are exploding
Alright... engines our out, shields are failing, life support is gone.. we're on emergency everything....
Tacoman's panel explodes
AARRRGGG! falls to the floor in a dramatic way
Inspector, try to get an emergency message out before we lose communications.
passes out
(Fluffy picks up the message flies back and beams Tacoman & Inspector Mystery aboard.)
Isn't Sub-Reality useful. I made the interior of the shuttle bigger on the inside than the outside.
Sensors detect Hamburger Pattie's communicator, changing course to find her.
(Looks at Tacoman)
Activate the Emergency Medical Hologram.
What is the nature of the medical emergency?
(Looks down)
Oh, well, pick him up off the floor and onto the bio-bed.
(Runs medical equipment over him)
According to this he'll... live. Although, he will never make another taco again.
Well, it's been fun appearing here again. Call me in another 5 boards.
sitting up slowly OW.. what happened?
Hmm...the shuttle's needs repaired... Well, I'll just tap into Sub-Reality..
Attempting to use Sub-Reality, Tacoman attempts to conjur up a new and improved shuttle. Unfortunatly, nothing happens
Wha? why didn't it work? Let's try again.
Tacoman tries again, getting the same results as before
Insector, I think there's something wrong with me. I can't tap into Sub-Reality anymore...
Of course, something's wrong. You're talking to a figment of your imagination. bzzzzz. The Insector!
And you were beamed off of your shuttle and are on Fluffy's. bzzzzzz
Well, as the good doctor said, I'll live, but my taco making days are over...
Meaning, that I might be out of it for a while.
Anyway.... I ment to say "InsPector"
Here we are. (Lands shuttle)
Wow! Look at the energy flying as both Patties are fighting Furbitoman.
(Runs out to help Pattie. Grabs Furbitoman, who simply waves his hand and Fluffy is transformed back into an ordinary poodle)
Ruff ruff! Grrrrrr!
Fluffy! NOOOOO!!!!!
I call on the strange realm of Sub-Reality to attempt to give me access again!
Inspector, until Sub-Reality responds to me, it's up to you to try and stop Furbitoman.
In the meantime, I think I'll have a taco or two.
reaching into my suit's taco storage, only to find none there
Strange... I'll try the replicators.
using the replicator, Tacoman requests tacos. For some reason, the replicator refuses
Perhaps is what the Doctor ment when he said that my taco making days were over....
(in the midst of fighting a battle royale with Furbito Man, Patties thinks to herselves)
This is no good. All we're doing is continuing to drain Sub-Reality and hastening the End Of Time. Already the Restaurant At The End Of The Universe has appeared and the MC is starting his shpeel. Wait a minute... the time machine...
(One of the Patties flips over to Inspector Mystery)
Inspector, get over to the time machines and reverse the polarity. I'll cover you.
(The Inspector does what Pattie says and throws the switch. The machine glows and Patties & Furbito Man are pulled toward the machines. Both Patties become one again.)
watching the fight
So would that cause Pattie to become Suzy Wood again?
Milliways has appeared? maybe I could grab a quick lunch while all this is happening...
You know... I think having access to Sub-Reality has spoiled me... I still have fancy weapons at my disposal, so why not use them..
(The machines explode)
Furbito Man: My powers! They gone! Curse you woman! I'll...
(Pattie decks him and he falls unconscious)
Hamburger Pattie: Shut up!
Max Quadrupleen: The sky begins to boil as nature collapses in upon itself. The heavens are rent as stars... ...srats sa tner era snevaeh ehT .flesti nopu ni sespalloc erutan sa liob ot snigeb yks ehT
(The Restaurant at the End of the Universe moves forward as the End Of Time changes direction and once again is in the future)
A Smoking Jacket: Sub-Reality is back where it belongs. Unfortunately, Your superpowers are no more, but since you've defeated all those supervillains, you shouldn't need them, anymore.
(SW6 picks up Fluffy)
SW6: Hey boy, do you need a good home?
(Fluffy licks her face as she scratches behind his ears)
Hamburger Pattie: Tacoman! (Pattie kisses him passionately and knocks his socks off. Anything else that comes off is none of our concern.)
Well, unless somebody else has something to add. I would say this is...
THE END
look... the sun is setting.
Alright, everybody into the shuttle, I have an idea.
everyone get into the shuttle, which Tacoman pilots into the sunset
We needed a proper ending... Hence, our going into the sunset.
And now that I've put in my 2 cence, this is now...
THE END
FINIS
Credits roll by
This is the end, My only friend the end