NitCentral: The Movie! I like it! ;-) - Chief

One better idea- Nitcentral: The Musical- otherwise known as "Oh Nitcentralia!"

Where the nits are as high as an elephant's eye!

What rhymes with "Ten foot tall giant ape things"?

Uh... "Taco Recipes"?

TAAAAAPIOOOOCCAAAA!

"Oh, Nitcentralia!"..The musical

Act One
"Who's Supervising the Scpipts?"
Act Two
"Hands off! She's mine!"
Act Three
"I Ordered SWR & All I Got Was This Lousy Showerhead"
Act Four
"10 Foot Tall Giant Ape Things"
Act Five
"SOMEKINDA..."
Act Six
"From The Moment I First Met You..."
Act Seven
"KREE!

Nice!

...and don't forget the big Luigi number: "Anything that you have an opinion on (you had better have proof of)"

And of course Darth's big chorus and tapdance routine: "AdHominem"

Brian Webbers numbers have now been excised from the score.

Let's not forget:

Luigi's subtitles in the musical would be in RED and be funny!

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Intermissions would be of Benn singing "Sir Duke"
while holding a scythe.

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After a "one-liner" is told, LaForge the Useless & The 47's TM would take all the jokes and rearrange them in a different format...just in case the audience didn't "get it" the first time.

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There will also be a chorus of Trolls spewing flames at everyone

Er, John, the 47s TM and Laforge the Useless are the same poster.

I had a feeling about that...Just wasn't sure.

Periodically, the Trolls would get chased into an off stage "Garbage Dump" by The Roving Mods dressed as Death.

Once again our contributions to this website are overlooked.

Frankcentalia! The musical!

With such smash hits as:

"Frank Lee, My Dear"

"Beans 'n Franks"

"Frankiopa!"

"Franking in Bashir's Head"

And so much more!

SONG 1:

"Who's Supervising the Scpipts?"

Bass voice: In season one
we had such fun
watching Spock and Kirk.

Orchestra:...(BA-DUM!)

Tenor voice: But then one day
some nameless jerk
switched the "R" with a "P".

Orchestra:...(BA-DUM!)

Bass and Tenor in unison:
So "Script" became "Scpipt"
and the rest is history!

Choir:
Who's supervising the Scpipts?
We want to know right now!
Who's supervising the Scpipts?
We want to know how...

Orchestra:...(BA-DUM!)

Choir: How we mistook for a "R" with a "P"
and screwed up thirteen episodes consecutively.

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SONG 2:

"Hands Off, She's Mine!"

Tenor: There's a cute blonde known as Janice Rand

Choir: HANDS OFF! SHE'S MINE!

Tenor: Then there's Uhura to lend a hand

Choir: HANDS OFF! SHE'S MINE!

Tenor: Then along came Deanna Troi and Seven of Nine

Choir: HANDS OFF! SHE'S MINE!

Tenor: And all these babes look mighty fine.

Choir: HANDS OFF! SHE'S MINE!

ALL: Keep your hands off my babe, while she's on my knee.

Orchestra:...(BA-DUM!)

Choir: Keep your hands off my babe, for she belongs to me.

Should have been: "How HE mistook "R" with a "P"... GRR!

Those are actually quite catchy...the tune seems to pop right out of the page! Well done John!

Here's the rest of the musical...

SONG 3

Gordon Lawyer's Lament or "I Ordered SWR and All I Got Was This Lousy Showerhead."

Tenor: (As Gordon)
When I moderate.
I am never late.
I give each posting a good look.
Then one day, Phil Farrand wanted to send me his book.
And when the package came,
I wonder who I should blame
that in place of the book...bright and red
All I got was this lousy showerhead.

Choir:
I Ordered The Son, The Wind and the Reign and All I Got Was This Lousy Showerhead.

Tenor: (As Gordon)
What kind of jerk
would go to all that work
of taking the book that I never read.
By unwrapping the package and replacing it with a showerhead?

Choir:
I Ordered The Son, The Wind and the Reign and All I Got Was This Lousy Showerhead.


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SONG 4

10 FOOT TALL APE THINGS

Choir:
Watch out...for the 10 foot tall ape things
Watch out...and listen to the way it sings.
Watch out...they're coming your way.
Watch out...don't get eaten today.

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SONG 5

SOMEKINDA...

Choir:
Somekinda something
Somekinda object to behold
Somekinda something
Somekinda item whose name is untold

Bass:
I don't know what is is.
I will just have to make a guess.
I'll compare it with something familiar
and hope I don't make a mess.

Choir:
Somekinda something
Somekinda object to behold
Somekinda something
Somekinda item whose name is untold

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SONG 6

From The Moment I First Met You...

Tenor:
Anakin, you're not very romantic.
I'm sure you meant well.
But your lines of romance to Padme'
SMELL! SMELL! SMELL!

Choir:
From the moment I first met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by that I've not thought of you, and now that I 'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to the worst it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn, my mouth goes dry. I get dizzy, I can't breathe. I'm haunted by that kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. What can I do? I will do anything you ask...If you are suffering as much as I am, please tell me.

Tenor: What kind of come on is that?!
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SONG 7

KREE!

Choir:
KREE!

(Orchestra)...BA DA DA DUM!

Choir:
KREE!

(Orchestra)...BA DA DA DUM!

Choir: Kree is the word that set us free!....KREE!

(Orchestra)...BA DA DA DUM!

Choir:
KREE is the way life was meant to be!

Could you add another verse to "Somekinda" with its cousin, "Somesorta"?

SOMEKINDA (revised version)

SOMEKINDA...

Male voices:

Somekinda something
Somekinda object to behold
Somekinda something
Somekinda item whose name is untold

Female voices:

Somesorta substance.
Somesorta device that leaves us in doubt.
Somekinda, somesorta something
Somesorta stuff to figure out.

Bass:
I don't know what is is.
I will just have to make a guess.
I'll compare it with something familiar
and hope I don't make a mess.

Male voices:

Somekinda something
Somekinda object to behold
Somekinda something
Somekinda item whose name is untold

Female voices:

Somesorta substance.
Somesorta device that leaves us in doubt.
Somekinda, somesorta something
Somesorta stuff to figure out.

Like it!

The L.I.C.C. Theme

Verse 1:

We are the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions.
We love to fantasize.
By creating our own adventures
and take the time to rationalize.

Verse 2:

We are the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions.
We create a lot of quests.
We love to challenge each others' mental capacities
and put their brains through lots of tests.

CHORUS:

OH, League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions.
We have lots of zeal.
OH, League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions.
Take us away from what's real.

You need to add "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY LICC!" to the end of that one.

Thande is quite brilliant
for actually remembering us
we've been gone quite a while
we went and took a bus

But now that jobs have dried up
And "Idol" hasn't called
we're right here back on NitC
standing proud and tall!

YAAAAAYYYYYYY THANDE!

(sung to "Maria" from "West Side Story")

The most wonderful posts I ever read-
Luigi, Luigi, Luigi, Luigi.
And his fantastic film reviews hold him in good stead..
Luigi, Luigi, Luigi, Luigi,
Luigi, Luigi...

Luigi, I just read a post by Luigi,
and suddenly that scene will never be the same to me.
Luigi, I just read the thoughts of Luigi,
and suddenly I found how wonderful Mike Moore can seeeeeeem
Luigi, say it loud and the room starts swaying,
say it soft and he'll think that you're praying.
Luigi- I'll never stop praising Luigi.

Luigi, Luigi,Luiiiiiiiigi, Luigi.
Luiiiiiiiiiiiiiigi, luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuigi!!!

Luigi, say it loud and the room starts swaying,
say it soft and he'll think that you're praying.
Luigi- I'll never stop praising Luigi.

The most wonderful posts I ever read.
Luuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiigiiiiiiiiiiii!

How could you forget to include something about his funny red headings?!

And thanks Bad Singers...

(Suddenly, as if by magic, Colin Mochrie appears on the stage)

Mochrie: Ahem, eh. Now for the "Nitcentral Hoedown":

(Waits until the pianist has played the intro music twice through, then begins: )

"Nitcentral is really great,
It really, really is.
It really, really, really, really, really, really, is.
There's nits and notes and things and things and things and things and things-
Er, um-

(Collapses clutching heart and is then stretchered away by St John's ambulance men).

NITCENTRAL THEME SONGS

(Taken from "The Kitchen Sink)

NITCENTRAL THEME SONG (Sung to "Green Acres" theme)

Man:
Nitcentral is the place to be.
Nitpicking is the life for me.
Nits spreading out so far and wide.
Keep the books, I'm goin' to the Web World Wide.

Woman:
Yes! Nitcentral is here to stay
It is open every day.
I just adore someone's point of view.
Nitcentral I love you, just give me a posting or two.

Man:
A joke!

Woman:
A pun!

Man:
A nit!

Woman:
What fun!

Man:
You are hooked now!

Woman:
Goodbye, my off-line life!

Man & woman (in unison)
Nitcentral we are here!

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Alt-Nitcentral Theme (Sung to the theme from "Petticoat Junction")

Man:
Come log on to the Internet that'll take you to the web site at Nitcentral

(Modem buzzing noise--logging on)

Man:
Forget about your cares, it time to relax at the Central...

Women:
Nitcentral!

Man:
Lots of Nits, you bet. Need more when you get to the Central

(Modem buzzing noise--logging on)

Man:
There are lots of subjects you can Nitpick at the Central

Women:
Nitcentral!

Man:
It is run by Phil, come and be his guest at the Central.

Women:
Nitcentral!

Man:
And when you spot a nit, be sure to make a note of it at the Central.

Women:
NITCENTRAL!

(Modem buzzing noise--logging on)

(To the tune of New York, New York)

Start listin' the nits, I'm postin' today
I want to be a part of it
Nit-C, Nit-C
These anxious fingers, are longing to type
Right through the very heart of it
Nit-C, Nit-C

I want to wake up, at a site that never sleeps
And find I'm king of the flubs
Top of the heap

These little site blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it
In old Nit-C
If I can nitpick there, I'll nitpick anywhere
It's up to you, Nit-C....Nit-C

Garbage Dump Theme

(Sung to "Gilligan's Island"...sort of)

Just sit right back & you'll hear the tale, a tale of a fateful website.
That started out at only 5000 k's, aboard the might internet.
The Chief was a brave webmaster,
the posters brave and sure.
Everyone thought things went well because the site was pure....the site was pure.

Then one day some Trolls came by and flamed everyone in sight.
By bringing up subject likes Rabbi Kahane and racial slurs...the website seemed to be lost....the website seemed to be lost.

Then one day the Chief created a place for these flames to be stored.
They would be there until they were deleted, so they'd bother no one no more.

There in the GARBAGE DUMP!

(to the tune of "Kids")

Trolls!
I don't know what's wrong with these trolls today!
Trolls!
Who can understand anything they say?
Trolls!
They're all disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, dirty, lazy, loafers
and while we're on the subject:
Trolls!
You can post and post till your face is blue!
Trolls!
But they still just do what they want to do!
Why can't they be like we are,
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with trolls today?

To the tune of "The Beverley Hillbillies":

Come listen to a story 'bout a man named Phil,
Who wrote a book with which nits he'd fill,
And founded a Guild where all could fit,
Until they got a website which they called Nit!

Central, THAT IS...Brash Reflections. Bulletin Board.

And everything was going pretty fine,
From Tee-Oh-Ess to Dee-Ess-Nine,
But before you could blink, what did you see,
But the site collapsing and erasing Tee!

En-Gee, THAT IS...The Next Generation.

Still every'thing got back into place,
Receiving posts from all the human race,
With 10 foot tall giant ape things too,
Klingon tacos, and redshirts' due!

-Ty, THAT IS... to die repeatedly.

Now everything's going great and grand,
As all the trolls have just been banned,
And as for Phil - well, what has he done?
Wrote another book - and it's called the Son!

Wind, and the Reign, THAT IS... buy it now!

To the tune of "Feelings"

Tacos...
Nothing more than tacos...
Trying to eat those Martok's tacos!

Klingons...
Making all those recipes...
Making all those tacos... tacos for me!

Tacos
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Tacos...
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Tacos...
Tacos just for me!

Dangit, Scott, now you've got me hungry for targ meat.

To the tune of "War!"

Trolls!
What are they good for?
Absolutely nothing!
HUNH!