Since Lea came up with this riff, I've been waiting for SOMEONE to come up with this board, but it looks like I'll have to do it myself.

And here's my way... with a brick.

With Martok's tacos.

lets see how many different running jokes we can cram into this board

With a sack of tapioca pudding!

Worf: ...with a Bat'leth, or a Mek'leth.

Damar: ...with a bottle of Kanar.

Kai Winn: ...with the will of Prophets.

Ezri: ...with love.

Leeta: ...with his teddy bear.

Sloan: ...with secrecy.

Garak: ...with lunch.

Kira: ...with the Resistance.

Eddington: ...with the Maquis.

Jake: ...with a good book.

Quark: ...with gold-pressed latinum.

KAM: ...with Lea's slashy riffs.

ScottN: ...with KAM's bad jokes.

Professor Plum: ...in the dining room, with a lead pipe.

Coily: ...with Springs!

Bashir: Why is everyone always picking on me?

Oh, poor, poor Julian! Come hide in my bed... :0)

Vic Fontaine: ...with musical accompaniment!

Bashir: Why is everyone always picking on me?

---

Quote:

He walks in the ops room
Cool and slow
Who calls Captain
Sisko Daddio?

Doc Bashir, Doc Bashir
He's right here, Doc Bashir

He gonna get his head bashed
Just you wait and see...

Why is everbody always pickin' on me?

---

Oh my poor poor Bashir!! come hide in my bed!!

;-)

Hey, Slinky! I had him first!...

I mean, um... he's *safer* with me. Yeah. :0)

OK, Mark can have him Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Slinky can have him Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and he can have Sundays off. ;-)

I could make a really bad comment here, but this is a family board and there are children about.

Like me

Hey Mark!, I like Lea's scedule, wadda ya think? :-)

Hey Lea! Does that mean Bashir will have the Sundays for getting his head bashed in? <:-O

I like the schedule too -- especially since it's nearly Wednesday! :0) Yeehaa, break out the... oh yeah. There are kids on this board. Never mind what I'm setting over here by the bed, then. ;0)

With a huge or pointy rock

I think an enormous black axe would be appropriate.

Emissary: ...with an orb!

Jadzia: ...with a runabout. If don't mind listening to Miles complaining about the dent in both the bulkhead & the runabout.

Felix: ...with a hologram!

Data: ...with a strange medical device found in the Gamma Quadrant.

The Intendant: ...with pleasure.

Jack: Hmmmm, yes, yes, yes! But however you do it, you'd better do it quickly because the universe is going to end in 20 billion years!

I think an enormous black axe would be appropriate.

By a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block, no doubt... :-)

With a Hawk.

This one is easy, but a Do-Si-Do cookie for the first one to get the ref

Avery Brooks played Hawk in a show called "Spencer For Hire".

O'Brian: With a champaine cork! Hey, he did it to me in the Holosuite in the Julian Bashir: Interplanetary Man of Mystery program.

Sisko: Epiphany is when you realize that you can use anything to bash in Bashir's head.

Gollum: ...with my Precious.

Chesire Cat: ...with a smile.

The Queen of Hearts: I'm sorry, but I don't approve of senseless violence. Off with his head! I could use a new croquette ball.

Hannibal Lector: ...with some fava beans and a nice bottle of chianti.

Darth Vader: ...with the dark side of the force.

Restaurant customer: ...with a side of fries.

George W. Bush: ...with Dick Cheney.

President Clinton: ...with a cigar.

Melora: ...with my walking stick.

Isn't it obvious? 2-4 words:

Self-sealing Stem Bolts.

Or Reverse Racheting Routers

With the flamable chemicals produced by M. Jenkins.

Sam I Am:
With a mouse, in a house,
With a fox, in a box,
With a goat, on a boat...

Or with a Type II phaser.

I don't get it.

You're lucky. I keep getting in the head.

Picard: ...with a kick from an Arabian steed.

Troi: ...with empathy.

Lwaxanna: ...with the sacred chalice of Rixx.

Harry Kim: ...with a clarinet, on the night shift.

Chakotay: ...with an old Maquis trick.

Naomi: ...with Flotter.

Chaotica!: ...with my Army of Evil™!!! Muhahahaha!!!

Moriarty: ...with crumpets.

Doctor Who: ...with the Sonic Screwdriver.

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer: ...with Mr. Pointy.

Spike: ...with a chip in my head, oh wait! That's why I can't bash in Bashir's head. Unless he's a demon?

George W. Bush: With a huge tax cut.
Al Gore: With a 900 page plan for the future.

George W. Bush: With fuzzy math.
or With subliminable messages.

Phil Farrand: With nits.

Seven of Nine: With implants.

Bender: With beer and hookers.

Bender: With beer and hookers. On second thought, forget about bashing Bashir's head in.

Bender (to Lea): Hey sexy, momma. Wanna bash Bashir's head in?

One of Vaal's followers: Vaal showed me how to bash Bashir's head in.

The Head of Richard Nixon: ...with my shiny new body.

Zap Brannigan: ...with Kif!
Kif: *sigh*

IBM User: ...with alt-control-bash

Pointy-haired Boss: Bash smarter, not harder.

Pinky: Narf, poit! What do you want to do tonight Brain?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try and bash Bashir's head in!
Theme music: Dun da dun da dun da dun They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain dun da dun da dun da dun nananana!
Bashir: Ow!

Monty Python...

... with a point-ed stick!

Laverne:with a glass of milk and pepsi
Shirley:with Boo Boo Kitty(while her eyes are
closed so she doesn't have to witness the cruelty
to Boo Boo Kitty)
Kosh:with his encounter suit helmet
Gilligan:accidentally with a cocoanut
Bob Dole:with a bottle of viagra
Scooby Doo:with a bag of scooby snacks
Velma:accidentally trips Bashir while looking
for her glasses
Cindy Snow:accidentally while opening the kitchen
door
Jerri from Survivor II:with Keith's skillet
Josie And The Pussycats:with their guitars and
Melodie's drumset
Hoss:with a plate of Hop Sing's cooking(after
which he regrets ruining the food!)
Mr.Blackwell:with putting Bashir on his worst
dress list
Ellie May Clampett:with one of her biscuits
A-Rod:with his contract
Lenny and Squiggy:with just by showing up and
irritating Bashir in his office
Regis Philbin:with asking Bashir for his final
answer

With a small amount of sunlight-sensitive nitro, that should do the trick.

Well... it worked in "Vertical Limit"...

...with Franks... and beans.

With all the printouts from this site.

Is Dr Bashir supposed to be an Arabic character, so in the 24th century according to Star Trek, the Arabs have evolved from a Race of savage bloodthirsty terrorist anti-semites to what being more normal

If you're going to be a racist, take it to Religious or Political Musings, where they can deal with the question appropriately. This is supposed to be a *silly* board.

(And Bashir is supposed to be some amalgamation of the light brown colour range.)

In case you couldn't guess, that *WASN'T* me.

LOL. Dropping the N doesn't fool too many of us, Scott. Seriously though, I used to think much the same way until I read accounts of Israeli soldiers deliberately blowing legs off Palestinian children and laughing as they squirmed in pools of their own blood. Israel can behave despicably at times, though of course that in no way excuses Palestinian atrocities.

Peter.

I believe you, ScottN. You have a better grasp of grammar than that person!

I believe you too, ScottN. Moderator: Is there any possibility of initiating Rene's suggestion of registered usernames restricted with passwords?

I would support such a thing. This UBB is rather annoying in many ways, and the way not only *anyone* can cause trouble by posting as anyone else, but also that idiots can post ever-so-amusingly as "Homer Simpson", "George W Bush", "Al Gore", "George Washington" etc. annoys me too.

Most of all, though there should be an ability to start new topics on all the boards, without relying on negligent and incompetent, panicky moderators.

Peter.

To Peter, You say Israeli soldiers laugh as Palestinian children squeal in their own blood after Israeli soldiers blow their legs off. The only reason the soldiers would blow the children's legs off is because the Palestinian children as usual would be throwing stones at Israeli troops, firing live ammo, making things unbearable for Israelis. By the way ,Im not Racist

Yes you are. You're judging a whole race of people on the actions of a few.

(Never mind that you're placing the blame for the conflict on only one of the groups involved, when clearly it's the fault of both sides.)

Now, either take it to Political Musings and discuss it like a grownup, or be quiet. It's off topic here.

ObBash: With Garak's hardbound paper copy of "The Neverending Sacrifice"

Mark: I dunno, I think Bashir might like that, as he would being bashed over the head with the bottle of kanar from "The Wire": http://catthause.com/elimgarak/wire/wire032.jpg

Palandine, who doesn't believe ANY of those rumors...

*snicker*

Once again, Scott is not me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. *snigger* We believe you.

As a Jewish person, and a human, I could say *quite* a few things about Mr. Scott here. But, as they say, this is a non-flames forum. Which sucks.


--Jaded ••••• at the age of 17

Back to the original topic....


Professor Plum: In the Conservatory, with the Lead Pipe

Scott & Mark: ...with a capital N!

With a flux coupler (already responsible for the death of at least one Starfleet officer).

Pump his head with all the Phlox puns we can think of.

Catbert: New Policy. All employees must bash in Bashir's head once a week. We must do this to be competitive.

George W. Bush: With fuzzy math.
or With subliminable messages.

We must..duhhh...*drools*..do strategery.. to get the evildoer! Huh? *listens* Ohh...uhh..


Slutney Spears: Duh duh! Tee hee! Tee hee hee!! Like, With my, like, implants? So, do I, like, do it before or, uh, after I, like, totally sleep with him? And the whole, like, station? Hey, don't make fun of me! I'll blow sunshine up your butt! Tee hee hee!!!

(Note: this last, she has said in an interview. And she *does* talk like this. Listen to her, forget her looks! She's an idiot!)

Dave Letterman: Hey! Look at me! *laughs* Paul! Paul! *laughs* Hey, Paul! It's time for the Top Ten! Tonight, Paul, it's "Top Ten Ways to Kill a Popular TV Character."

(sorry, but I am totally a Leno person)

George W Bush: Make no mistake. Pooty-Poot and I shall smoke out Bashir's heads and bash those folks out of their hiding holes, for Bashir's head is part of this axis of [That's enough pretzel rhetoric - everyone]

Some College Roomies From Hell! opinions

Mike Green: ...with my freakishly strong tentacle.
Marsha Hart: ...with my cooking.
Dave Jones: ...with my laser vision.
Margaret: ...with my miracle shotgun.
Roger: ...with Fluffy.
April: ...with imaginary, wiser floating April.
Lily: ...with a nonsense contest.

Redshirt: with... (Trips and falls, and bashes in Bashir's head. Unfortunately he also bashes his own in.)

ScottN: ...with my little girl.

Quantum Man: ...with my tacky lavendar suit.

Evil K-Nit Executive: ...with cancellation.

(A bedraggled, disheleved man in tattered clothes walks up to the camera and says)
"...with..."
(then the Liberty Bell March starts playing and various bits of animation start bashing in Bashir's head.)

Hamburger Pattie: ...with a dramatic entrance.

Mr. Absurd: If we exposed his head to radioactivity it would grow to monstrous proportions and bash itself in on the ceiling!

Old DC Fan: ...with the DC Archive Collection. They have hard covers.

Ensign Idontknow: ...with Who.
Ensign Who: ...with what?
Ensign What: I don't know.

Ensign First: ...with my really big gun.

The Queue: ...with a drink!

KAM: ...with the Psuedoscience building!

Hamburger Pattie: ...with my bullet-proof buns.

With Edwina Currie's new book. It's certainly bashed in many people's heads over here, in the metaphorical sense at least.

T'Pol: ...I cannot answer this question, as the Vulcan Science Directorate has determined that time travel is impossible.

Future Guy:... with Temporal Mechanics!

The Guy Who Preformed Bashir's Genetic Enhancement: ...with just a little alteration to his genetic code... right about here...

The Beatles: ...with a little help from our friends...

Well, Sparrow, it started on the second DS9 MiSTing board. Lea Frost was riffing on Behind The Lines and for some reason she had Sisko use the phrase "bash Bashir's head in" & a few other people started using variations of it.

Although I would guess ScottN actually started this particular board.

Donny Osmond: ...with a Pyramid!

Thanks for the fill-in, KAM!

Opera Ghost: ... with a chandelier!
many bonus points awarded to the first poster not named "Daroga" to get that reference

Duh! The Phantom of the Opera is here!

(Now, what Julian Bashir doesn't realise is that we've planted a mini-replicator in his Infirmary, so that whenever he uses his medical tricorder in a certain manner, the replicator will activate and generate a 16-ton weight over his head, which will crash down on him! Julian also doesn't know that his close friend, Miles O'Brien, is also in on this stunt!)

It's... Julian Bashir's Bashing Circus!

With a thousand-gram weight!

("Sounded large when I ordered it.")

with a pointed stick!

Australian: ...with Bruce!

With a Stout Stick™!

(one for the Robert Rankin fans)

Charles Kennedy: with a bottle of Bell's.

Jeremy Paxman: repeatedly.

Bruce the Philsopher: Method 1: ...WITH NO POOFTERS!
Method 2: ...with the abos ...if there's anyone watching.
Method 3: ...WITH NO POOFTERS!
Method 4: I don't want to catch anyone NOT bashing in Bashir's head.
Method 5: ...WITH NO POOFTERS!
Method 6: There is NOOOOOO Method 6.
Method 7: ...WITH NO POOFTERS!

Slide Narrator: 1. I use the larch. 2. I use the larch. 3. I use the larch...

Barber: I don't want to bash in Bashir's head. I want to be... a lumberjack!

Mr. Praline: ...with a dead parrot.

Arthur Jackson: ...with two sheds.

Knight: ...with a rubber chicken.

A Gumby: Like this. (Bashes in his own head with a rock)

Carol Kennedy: ...with my only line!

General: All right. All right. This has gotten silly. It started off fine with different methods to bash in a man's, but then just got silly. No one likes a good joke more than I do... Well, actually everyone likes a good joke more than I do. But let's move on. It's a man's life getting his head bashed in.

I'd nail his head to a coffee table.

(Bashir: Seems a bit extreme, but I have it coming. Dinsdale's a cruel man, but fair.

Quark: And what's more he knows how to treat a female impersonator.)

Whoops! That should have read Carol Cleveland, not Kennedy.

Shop customers: ...with Spam, Spam, Spam Spam...

If I could bash his head in *that* way I wouldn't need any aftershave!

Nobody is to bash anybody's head in until I blow this whistle, even if, and I want to make this perfectly clear, even if they do say "Voyager".
ouch!

With a herring!

Obelix: With a menhir!

Sir Galahad (the chaste): with peril?

King Arthur: With the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

Roger : With a Shrubbery

Maxwell: ...with my Silver Hammer.

Children's presenter: "... With a melon?!"

I mean, who hasn't had the urge to bash in the head of some renowned Starfleet doctor at some point in their lives? I know I have.

Jonathan Aitken: With the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play.

Vogon: With my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!

John Major: ...with a late-night Currie.

Mark Renton: ... with a [censored] big television!

Dudley Dursley: ...with my smelting stick!

Travis Mayweather: ...with my dead duplicate body.

Malcolm Reed: ...with a spike from a Romulan mine.

T'Pol: ...with T'Mir's purse.

Mestral: ...with simple geometry.

Archer: ...with a door from a shuttlepod.

Hoshi: ...with an alien tongue.

Porthos: Woof! Woof!*
*Translation: ...with my cute puppy dog eyes.

Gaetano: ...with a 10-foot tall giant ape-thing.

Michael Jackson: ...with the bones of the Elephant Man, or my oxygen tank, or my gold records, or with his lying video camera...!

Berman & Braga: ...with a message episode. Then we'll hit the Reset Button and do it again!

I should point out that this board has exceeded 101 ways to bash Bashir's head in quite some time ago.

Princess Diana: ... with Elton John's piano.

Father Jack: Bashing Bashir's head in would be an ecumenical matter.

David Brent: ... I shouldn't be making jokes about bashing people's heads in. Especially if the disabled are involved. Because there’s nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It’s like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go "ooh, look at him, he’s not able-bodied. I am, I’m prejudiced." Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless they’re not, it’s difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones...

Tim Canterbury: ... not with my hat, because it's got a radio built into it.

Chris "Finchy" Finch: ... with a kettle thrown over a pub!

Gareth Keenan: ... with two lesbians, probably-- Sisters. ... I'm just watching...

Jack O'Neil... with a big honkin' hammer
Teal'c... why should I wish to bash in Bashir's head, O'Neil?
Sam Carter... with a wormhole
Daniel Jackson... to find Sha'are

Sven - I should point out that this board has exceeded 101 ways to bash Bashir's head in quite some time ago

Woohoo!

Homer: ...with a donut. Hmmmmm, donut... *drool*

Comic Book Guy: Worst bashing ever!

Japanese person in a monster movie: ...with my lips out of sync.

Another Japanese person: ...with... Godzilla!