Trapper: Frank you are a brilliant surgeon and I greatly admire you.

Radar: Iowa stinks and teddy bears are for wimps.

Klinger: I am signing up for five more years in the army.

Potter: I hate horses.

Father Mulchay: I am going to become a Baptist preacher.

Charles: Forget Mozart, lets rock and roll.

Flagg: Army and intelligence now there is a contradiction in terms.

Any officer in the mess tent: Hey Igor this food is really good.

Hawkeye: I love America.

Hawkeye: I think the military way of life is the best.

Blake: I promise to stay faithful to my wife.

Burns: Hawkeye your right I am a lousy surgeon.

Margaret: Hawkeye, you chase after the other nurses, but not me ... why?

Charles: Did you hear how the big boxing match turned out?

Trapper to a nurse: Sorry, hon, but I'd be cheating on Louise if you and I spent tonight in the supply room. Can't do that to her.

Blake: [makes a definite decision]

Margaret: Of course I'll date you, Private. I'm not one who needs men in high places.
Rizzo: I just can't stand this slow pace one more second.
Charles: Mule fritters!

And there's a project for someone: how many different euphemisms did Potter have for biological byproducts?

Horse Hokkie

Pigeon Pellets

Donkey Donuts

Buffalo Bagels

Didn't he use

"Horse Puckey" or "Bull Puckey" at one point in time?

More of them...I made this a while ago...

Hawkeye: “Your mustache looks great, BJ.”

Klinger: “The Army has done so many great things for me in my life.”

Radar: “Sure, I’ll eat that lamb. Looks delicious!” ((Doesn’t really count because he does eat lamb in other episodes)

Margaret: “Frank, I love it when you talk about your wife. Tell me some more about her.”

Hawkeye: “And while you’re in Seoul, pick me up a subscription to ‘Better Homes and Gardens’.”

Hawkeye: War is hell. How I love it so! I think I'll re-up after the war is over!

Frank: Better Red than Dead.

Hawkeye: "I pledge allegiance to the flag, of the United States of America..."

Major Freedman: "Forget it Klinger! If anyone's getting a Section Eight around here, it'll be Hawkeye!"

Potter: "Just the facts ma'am."
"Pierce, Hummicut, if General Embry wants to court-martial you two, then there's nothing I can do."

Father Mulcahy: "Go away kid, ya bother me."

B.J.: "Dear Peg, I'm so tired of treating people that after the war, I'm giving up my surgical practice and taking you and Erin to Providence, Rhode Island, where I plan to become a veternarian."
"I can't operate now! I gotta help Questor find his creator." (If anyone gets that one, I'll be shocked!)

Charles: "Uh, Pierce, is there still a hole in the nurses' shower?"

Charles and/or Henry: "I plan to vote for Stevenson." (I'll also be surprised if anyone gets why I have Henry saying this.)

'Scuse me, I misspelled "Hunnicut"! Ouch!

Was Mike Farrell in "The Questor Tapes"? I didn't know that!

Yep. He was Questor's human guide. This was just before he got the part of Captain Hunnicut.

McLean Stevenson was related to Adlai Stevenson, hence the Henry connection.

Also correct. McLean and Adlai were cousins I believe. I think Mac may actually have campaigned on behalf of Adlai.

And here I thought I was being obscure.

Blake: [makes a definite decision]

Sorry Anonymous, but on occasion, Henry did make definte decisions.

Hawkeye: "Mr. Quan, make me a very dry Shirley Temple."

Got a few more:

B.J.: "To tell you the truth, Hawkeye, you really did tell that 'bird imitations' joke better."

Winchester: "Uh, Colonel Potter, if you would be so good, might I borrow your Tex Ritter records and Zane Grey's 'Riders of the Purple Sage'?"

Winchester: "It is my considered opinion, gentlemen, that Elvis truly is the King."

Winchester: "Emergency Medical Hologram. Please state the nature of your emergency."

Colonel Flagg: "Section 31? Why did you just say Section 31? Who told you about Section 31?"

Hawkeye: "Blast it, Sherm, I'm a doctor, not a mechanic!"

Henry: "Make it so, Number One!"

Potter: "Corporal O'Reilly, open all hailing frequencies."
Radar: "Yessir, your Colonelness, sir! All hailing frequencies opened, uh sir!"

The scene we would never see.

Board of Courtmartial: Benjamin Franklin Pierce you have been found guilty of treason, insubordination, disrespect to supeior officers, stealing from your fellow officers as well as the United States Army, mutiliating one Colonel by taking his kidneys, and falsifying military records. You are hereby sentenced to thirty years of hard labor without chance of parole.

The MP's cuff Hawkeye and escort him out as the others watch on. No last minute reprieve occurs, as he taken to prison.

Now that is how Mash should have ended.

Taking his KIDNEYS? That would kill a person. Or did you mean the appendix?

I meant appendix. Thank you for correcting that for me.

Hmmm...even better scene:
BJ says "Hawkeye, you're right. I was being a pious, save-the-world syndrome doctor, and if taking out an organ with no known use will save countless lives, I support just such an act."
Yeah, right. Woulda been nice, but, as the subject says, *totally* unlikely.

"Now that is how Mash should have ended."

I couldn't agree more.

Aye, and it's grateful I am that they didn't end MASH that way. Nice it would be to see Hawkeye doing some labor--after all, sweat and physical work make a man even more appealing! LOL sorry folks, I just had to say it. But, as I was saying, MASH would have been dragged down by such an ending. Geez, I recognize that people out there don't like B.F. Pierce. Heck, ask anybody, it's not often that I defend his sexist, disrespectful, arrogant, perverted self, but speaking as a fellow pervert, cut the guy some slack. The public as a whole loved Hawkeye. Ending like that would have screwed everything up. No, the ending I would have liked to see was Hawkeye Pierce transported into the body of a nurse just once. Now that would be great.

I wasn't really serious - just wishful thinking. I *love* your suggestion too, though! What sweet justice! =)

Marget: Colonel Black I accept your decision and I will not be going over your head to General Hammond.

Potter:It's now time for a little white champagne
and some croissants as we listen to the mellow
tones of Montovani!

Radar:Minnesota Rules,Iowa Drools!!!!

Hawkeye:I hate girls!

Klinger:I'm gonna re-enlist and make the Army
my life!

Hot Lips:Frank,you are not only a lipless wonder,
you also have no personality whatsoever,and on top
of that you keep always whining about your wife and then you smell like a sewer,and your hair is
falling off and you remind me of a rat,except a
rat is a lot better looking and doesn't have the
b.o.!

Rizzo:I have an all-Canadian wife and all-Canadian
son,and an all-Canadian daugther and all-Canadian
in-laws,and when I get out I'm moving up to
Manitoba t'be wit'the Polar Bears!

Father Mulcahy:I decided to switch to being
Presbyterian...they have more fun!!!!!!

Flagg:Mulder!Mulder!Mulder!Mulder!Mulder!
Must remember to start smoking!Mulder!Mulder!
Mulder!

Nurse Kelley:I hate Chinese food!

Charles:Hee!Haw!Hot Doggy!Pass the 'furters
and fries!We's gonna have a real hoedown like
we had back in the hills of Boston!

Trapper:When I leave,I'm gonna get a show on
another network where I play a detective in
L.A. during the '30s that will be canceled
before anyone ever gets a chance to see it!

Frank:I love you Hawk!

>Klinger:I'm gonna re-enlist and make the Army
my life!>

He said that in "Your Retention Please".

Hawkeye: It's our duty to kill every North Korean in sight!

Frank: Margaret, I've asked my wife for a divorce so that we can finally be married!

Charles: I hope Adelai Stevenson wins becomes President!

B.J.: To hell with Peg and Erin, I dont miss them one bit! Being in Korea is allowing me to be a bachelor again, and I love it!

Radar: I HATE MY PETS! I'M GOING TO DROWN ALL OF MINE, RIGHT AFTER I BURN MY DUMB TEDDY BEAR!

Father Mulcahey: Hey Hawkeye, let's go pick up some nurses at Rosie's!

Hot Lips: Being in the army is highly overrated!

Klinger: I hate cross dressers, they're sick and immoral!

Trapper: I'm making the army my career!

Henry: I've made a decision!

Potter: Your surgical skills notwithstanding, Hawkeye, I agree with Major Burns that your a disgrace to the uniform and should be court martialed!

Anyone (with the exception of Frank): I LOVE THIS WAR! IT'S FUN, AND I HOPE IT GOES ON FOREVER!!

"Any officer in the mess tent: Hey Igor this food is really good."

IIRC, Charles says "Actually, it's not that bad" after spending time in the kitchen with Igor when Hawkeye and BJ complain.

Hawkeye: If you !$^@@ don't like my liberal stance, change the bloody channel!

Nurse 1: Where's Trapper John?

Nurse 2: Trapped in the "john"

John, you do know the origin of Captain McIntyre's nickname (according to the novel and movie), don't you? Supposedly he and a lady friend found "fulfilment" in a restroom on a train. When the conductor found them, the woman protested that John McIntyre had "trapped" her. Thus was born Trapper John.

Finest kind.

I do now.

Charles:"I'm just a simple & humble man from Boston,no better than the next guy."

Or, to use a McCoy-ism:

Charles: D@mmit, Pierce, I'm just a simple country doctor!

Hawkeye: This police action is crappola.


Father: Oh ,you can think of something better!

(There were at least 3 fathers Mulchahys, William Christopher, the first one in the pilot and Rene odojonis (sp)!
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didnt even know a board for this existed!

2nd Hawkeye : I make em laugh!


Real Hawkeye: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Col. Hot Lips Houlihan as Margaret is being born-

Col .Houlihan: I dub dee Hot Lips !

(slaps baby).

Margaret: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

and yes, I know Mash as well as Tos,!

If Col. Blake lived, at home- Honey can I have a glass of Tea, Earl grey, hot?

After the police action Igor becomes head cook for the president .Which prez?

btw, Andrew Duggan played Hot Lips' dad.

think you mean Margaret, and Col. Blake? Col Black?

I meant Mrs. Houlihan was Margaret's mooogie

Charles :"Gosh everyone,I sure hope that we can all remain close friends & stay in touch with one another even after the war(police action) ends.I want all of you to come to Boston & visit me. In fact,I'm going to hold a MASH reunion party & invite everyone in the camp to it."

Old Trapper on Trapper John md:

I dont look anything like i did when I was in Korea!

Radar:'The only good animal is a dead animal."

Klinger:"Hey,that sounds like some kind of scam or illegal gambling & I won't have any part of it!"

Col. Potter's new T- shirt: I am just an ol county doctor!

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best line in Mash: This is me!

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Klinger to Reinlistment Officer: I'm wearing a dress and you want me to
reinlist??